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lubyloo

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Posts: 2
 #1 
Hi to all. My first post here.

My beloved six year old cat Milo was found deceased on the railway line near our house two months ago. He had been run over by a train and was sadly not in tact. My fiancée retrieved him and he is now home with us after being cremated.

I regularly think of the horrific way he died. We believe he was electrocuted on the line, which killed him instantly and was then run over by a train. But I wonder if he was simply stunned and was then alive when it happened. The guilt I feel is horrific. We had only moved to the house two weeks earlier. I torture myself thinking he was in pain and suffered. I cannot forgive myself and I am struggling to move on.

He was my best friend. He got me through some of the worst times of my life and I loved him unconditionally. His death was so tragic and it breaks my heart that I did not get to say goodbye to him.

I am not coping with his death. I no longer cry every day as I did at the start, but I am deeply unhappy and it is affecting my daily life. I don’t know if my feelings are normal.

This year is meant to be the happiest of my life. I got engaged and my fiancée and I have bought a house (a house we chose with Milo in mind, thinking he would be safe as it is a quiet street, how wrong we were!) but Milo’s death has overshadowed everything. I think I’m hurting my fiancée with my feelings about Milo’s death.

I also feel so empty. I miss having a cat and I know I’d like another in the future (indoor only after what happened to Milo) but how will I know when the time is right?

Some days are better than others.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

x
WilliesMom

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Posts: 5
 #2 
I am sorry for your loss lubyloo, I too I am dealing with extreme emotions of loss and guilt. I am feeling like I too am unable to cope, and it is affecting my life in many aspects. But this forum has been very helpful. Together we will come through this, please be comforted that your are not alone, and that you provided much love to Milo, and he loves you.
Nefret999

Registered:
Posts: 154
 #3 
I thought that I would die after the loss of my Mister Weird. I never through that I would come out of it.

But 9 months later, here I am. Still sore from his loss, but I am better than I was. Slowly, but surely, you will get there. I never thought I would get here.

You have to find a way to make his little life have meaning. You have to find a way to make sure that his death isn't meaningless. Is there a way for you to petition the city to make the train tracks safer for pets and people? Is there a way for you to communicate to your town the dangers of this particular set of tracks? Looking for ways to bring awareness about the situation will help your baby's memory live on, and will help you begin to cope in healthy ways.

Have you made a memorial for him? A particular place where you can go and talk to him? I believe that my healing truly began when I designed and installed a memorial marker for my kitty cat. It gave him a place that I could visit to talk to him, and a place to show that he was not just a cat, but a great and loving friend to me.

Please do not torture yourself with these horrific thoughts. I'm the queen of killing myself with my own thoughts, but I speak from experience when I say that you can only damage yourself further by doing such a thing.

I wish you all of the best and I hope that you can find a way to heal. Keep us updated.
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