Logo. Puff and Midget under the rainbow

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Olivia was a beautiful cat. She was always so curious but also so fragile. My year and half baby had Type I diabetes and so when she first got diagnosed back in March 2020, our world was completely changed. I had to learn how to help her survive this terrible disease. And so after constant fights and bites, we set up a routine. Checking her blood sugar, learn how to do curves, keep her calm and injecting insulin twice a day. I knew she was going to have a rough life but never short. After months of watching her slowly regain her strengths she was finally her old self.

Last week we were playing hide and seek, she loved boxes she could hide in and jump out to scare me. She’d get upset when she couldn’t have my milk, or hiss at me when she’d get stuck in the couch. She wanted to be a big girl and get out herself. Everything was picture perfect. A few days ago I started noticing she wasn’t eating. It just didn’t make sense. So I took her to the emergency vet and she was asked to stay there so that they can monitor her symptoms. She looked like she was getting better, but the day I showed up, she completely gave up. The day I showed up is engraved in my memory.

I spoke to the vet and she mentioned she just fell apart throughout the day, she wasn’t sure if she would be okay without the IV. I just wanted to see her as soon as I could. When they brought her in she looked so defeated and done. I remember holding her in my arms and trying to get her to focus on me. And she just couldn’t. At one point, I held her tightly in my arms and called her name out several times, she began clawing my shirt and wanted to say something but just couldn’t. I could not do it, I asked The vet what happened and she said she wasn’t taking the insulin anymore, she was rejecting it. She was already going through liver and pancreas failure, the best thing was to put her down. She no longer had a quality of life anymore. I just stared at her and told her I loved her. And that I promised her I did everything I could for her. They gave me a few minutes and I held her one more time in my arms. She looked like there was something to say but just looked at me. I just don’t understand how this all happened.

Once she was put down I touched her one more time, and I just cried. Cried so much and still haven’t stopped. This was a rough one for me. She was more than just my pet, she was my family. My apt feels so lonely now. It was always Olivia and I, now it’s just me. I can sense the difference here, and I can’t look at her toys without having a complete meltdown. 155 days of injecting insulin, 309 syringes, 400 BG testing strip, hundred cans of special foods, a year worth of warm naps next to me, a millions scars on my hands from all the hand wrestling and play fights I had with her, and million of hugs and kisses for her. I did not want her to leave this way. I always wanted her to have a normal and healthy life.

I will always love you and always keep you in my heart. My beautiful baby Olivia. Maybe you think I thought I saved you when I saved you from that empty box, or those times I injected your insulin to keep you feeling better. But you saved me when I was so depressed at home and alone. You made me whole again. And I don’t know how to do this by myself. But you were a strong girl, therefore I will try to be strong for you. I miss you so much and I love you.

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