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wolf5956

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #1 
Well, I have hit the bottom..........My wife is like what most of you post about your spouse.....I think she means well....she just not understand the loss, the guilt and most of all....the loneliness .....the massive hole left in out lives....the pain that is so unbearable at times...how can we go on........

   It has been 6 weeks now......that Annabelle has been gone........I have not slept very much.....I am so alone, she was a part of my very soul.....the pain is so unbearable.....time has not helped...only causes deeper pain...if that is possible.....I only want to be with her to hold her.......I love Annabelle with my soul and I am lost without her..........

   I read the post here and cry...but I know others feel the loss of their babies as deep as I do........but I also see that the pain is different for all of us here......some are able to help others cope.......but there are few like me......that...that cant seem to cope..... with the loss......we need our babies for our lives to go on.......how....when.....where....do we go from here......I for one can not even dream of my Annabelle ....its been weeks....and I miss her even more....it is hard to keep in mind the pain she had at the end and now has no pain.....but peace.......I know it is selfless of  me ......but the pain is so unbearable .......the loneliness so cold and unforgiving......... 

   I lost my younger brother to cancer 11 days after Annabelle .......and thought it so unfair....he has a family, children, wife that needed him......while it would have been perfect if it had been me......I would be with Annabelle now and he with his children........I know this is hard to understand, but Annabelle was my child......Annabelle has cat sisters and one of them.....Ms May misses her a great deal.....but  she snuggles with my wife......Annabelle was my constant companion ......we slept together, we ate together, we walked around outside together, we watched TV together, she was at my feet under my hobby desk....she was in my arms that last time.....forgive me.........I miss her.......Sometimes I feel relief that she is now without pain...the worry I had day to day about her, the doctors,  and you know how they got when seeing the Vets...the pills, etc.....I fell guilty for feeling that way.....and would trade all this pain for that worry again.....

  Well I just needed to say this to someone and I know there is so much understanding here.....I cant voice my feeling to my family....they just don't understand....the loss I have been dealt.....And I do Thank you all for your post...it really does help to get our feelings of loss......despair....out to others whom understand the pain ........I do not know what will happen in the next few days, weeks or months.......I am planning to go see my older brother in Ky......he has cancer...like my younger one did........you see it past over me...to take my younger brother and now my older brother....and yes it is that bad......we will be taking my younger brothers ashes home to be with mom and dad and an older sister  all in the family cemetery ....we (my wife and myself) will be taking the long way there, driving, to take our time and see a few places......time I hope to reflex and......and....renew life's forces.....maybe it will help......I love the mountains, the trees, creeks and hollers .....Gods Greatest gifts.........  

   

                                                          Bill...Annabelle's dad
                                                          I love you Annabelle 
                                                          I miss you Annabelle
Missing_Coco

Registered:
Posts: 35
 #2 
Hi Bill,
I understand how you feel.
My Coco was my shadow. She followed me everywhere. She was at my feet for bed, she followed me everywhere around the house, stood at my feet while I was cooking, cuddled up on the couch, laid in my office or at my door while I worked.
It's hard to function without them. It's been 8 weeks for me and it feels like eternity.
My husband thinks I'm being ridiculous and I need to get on with life, but I can't. He said it's sad but I need to stop moping. I think it's easier for him because he does fly in fly out of work and was only ever home 6 months of the year. Where as I had 4 years with my baby... (She had a genetic disease that causes kidney failure and had to be PTS)

I hope in time it's gets easier for you. I'm not sure how long it will take, I've seen some people post that it's taken years. I just hope that one day, I can look at her picture or think of her without bawling my eyes out. At the moment, I just want her back.
wolf5956

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #3 
Missing_Coco,

       Thank you for your reply.......I do believe my wife feels like your husband...deep down...she just keeps it to herself......I don't understand why the can't feel our loss or at lest see it....in the way we feel.....like you it has only been 6 weeks and 2 days ,,,,but it feels like forever that my Annabelle been gone.....this is the longest I have been apart from her in over 15 years......and it is so unbearable......I can not go on like this for years,  like some have posted here.......I hurt more now than that first week.....I just want to be with her and hold her.......I miss her and I need her.....

    Like you I look at her picture and cry and hurt so deep....I can not stand it......I haven't even  dreamed about her in over 3 weeks ...and I don't know why.....my last waking thoughts when I do fall asleep are about Annabelle .....And I tell her I love her.......

   I do sometimes find peace in her passing....in knowing that there are others ...like you, that feel the loss as deep......I try to read some of the post....but I lose it and break down with grief....but I do see some coping and helping others......I wish I could help....but I can't even help myself........writing out my feelings and reading reply's like yours, does help...in letting me know I am not alone in this grief.....
And I feel so alone...lost...its unbearable.....I can't sleep....every 2 or 3 days I fall asleep from exhaustion ....but it is not a restful sleep ......Annabelle was always by head at night when I use to sleep......

     Well thank you for hearing my rant......you can write and let your feelings out if you want to.....it does seem to help some....just to tell someone whom understands.....


                                       Bill.....Annabelle's dad
                                      I love you Annabelle
                                       I miss you so much
 
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #4 
Bill,
I feel you ! I too, feel exactly the way you do. I don't want to be here anymore without Termy and no one understands. Your Annabelle and my Termy was what made life worth living. I could have wrote what you wrote, word for word. I'm tired of life without Termy.
Please take time to reflect on life while your back home and take Annabelle with you while you roam those hollers and mountains. I'll be thinking of you and sending love and comfort.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
KobasMom114

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #5 
Don't feel like you're alone in this! You have to understand that you are not only suffering with the loss of your comforting companion.. but dealing with the loss of your brother as well! I can relate as I lost my childhood dog, my good family friend Shane, and my rescue Koba all in the span of 9 months. The accumulative loss makes it hit harder. This is not to say that our feelings about our pets aren't valid... I for one feel like Koba is the hardest death I've gone through since I lost my father to cancer at 11. If you need support, you can find it here. <3 

-Vita
Koba's mom
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