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goofygirlinva

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Posts: 1,198
 #1 
Today marks the one month anniversary of my Blackie's death.  It is so hard to believe he has been gone for that long, it seems like just yesterday that he was here with me.  The day before he died it was just like today - mild temperatures, clear blue skies, just a gorgeous day.  I remember coming home from work and taking Blackie outdoors so he could enjoy a walk in the beautiful weather.  He didn't seem to want to walk much, so I ended up picking him up and carrying him in my arms as we walked together through my townhouse complex.  I remember he seemed to enjoy getting outdoors.  His little nose twitched as he smelled the spring air and he seemed to enjoy getting some sunshine.  How was I to know that he would be gone less than 12 hours later.

Oh my Blackie, I miss you so very, very much.  I cry for you every day because I love you so much and I hurt so much over your absence.  I wish we would have had some more beautiful spring days together.  You always seemed to enjoy the sunshine and cool air.  I wish we could have had more days like today together, days that I cherished then and cherish even more now that you are gone.

My precious Blackie, Rufus is doing better - he doesn't seem as upset as he was when you first left us.  But he still doesn't have the sparkle in his eyes and the spring in his step the way he used to.  I know he still misses you and is still mourning your death. 

My beautiful Blackie, I hope you are happy where you are.  I hope you are healthy and are eating enough food so you aren't so skinny anymore.  I hope you've made some friends.  Have you met my Nitelite and Batman yet?  They were the two kitties I had growing up and they were two of the most remarkable cats I'd ever know, at least that is until I met you.  I hope you've met them and that you've all become fast friends.  If you haven't, see if you can ask around and find them, I think you would like them and I know they would adore you just as I adored you.

Honey, I miss you.  I really wish you didn't have to leave me when you did.  But I have to say that after reading the many stories here from fellow cat and dog lovers about how they had to make the very painful decision to put their loved ones to sleep, I want to thank you for leaving me when you did and not putting me in a position where I'd have to make the exruciating decision of whether or not to end your suffering and put you to sleep.  So as heartbreaking as your death was and always will be for me, I want to give you a big hug and a big kiss and say thank you for making that decision for me so I wouldn't have to make it for you.

Blackie, you will always have a very special place in my heart.  I loved you from the very moment I laid eyes on you and my love for you only grew with each passing day that we were together.  My love for you still grows even though we are apart.  I know you know this, but I feel the need to say it once again - I will always love you and there will never, EVER be a time when I don't love you with everything that is in me.

So it is with tears that I wish you a happy one month Bridge Day, my beloved one.  I so wish you were here with me and that I didn't have to remember today the way I am.  But you aren't with me today, so writing this letter to you is one way I honor your life.

Take care my special boy.  I will always love you.  ALWAYS.

Kelly


NinaMariasMom

Registered:
Posts: 567
 #2 
Kelly,

I'm sorry for your loss of Blackie.  They take a piece of our hearts when they leave us.  The spring is hard on me also, this was our season.  We just want one more day don't we.  You will be in my prayers, one month is a hard one.  Thanks for sharing your beautiful letter to him and his beautiful picture.  

Prayers and thoughts,
Nina Maria's Mom
MrMeowgy

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Posts: 763
 #3 
These anniversaries are so very hard. Horrible days. The sorrow and pain just floods over you.  Your letter to your baby Blackie is lovely.  I am so sorry for your loss. I did not have to make the decision either and for that I am so grateful.  Mr. Meowgy went suddenly at his own time. I am so glad he did not suffer long. What I saw in about 45 minutes time was enough.
Happy 1 month BridgeDay beautiful Blackie!
I hope everything is ok with Rufus. Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom
drbones

Registered:
Posts: 111
 #4 
Kelly,
I am thinking of you on your one month anniversary of your loss of Blackie.  I have that ominous date coming on Saturday with my loss of my little man Hank.  I am wishing you hugs and you will be in my thoughts and prayers today.  Your letter was beautiful, and he was a very handsome boy.
(((HUGS))))
Heather, Hankie's forever mommy
katebock

Registered:
Posts: 686
 #5 
Kelly

What a beautiful tribute to your Blackie.  These anniversaries are so hard.  You had such a special bond with Blackie. I know that he can still feel your love and is looking down at you with love from the Rainbow Bridge.

Love and hugs
Kate (Gus' mom)

TinysMom

Registered:
Posts: 124
 #6 
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear boy. I'd like to think he's met my Tiny Girl. She was all black, also and just loved the beautiful weather and all the scents of Spring. The hardest part of loving them so much is letting them go- but remember- it's only their physical being that leaves us. Your boy will forever be in your heart and soul. Happy one month bridge day Blackie. I hope you have made friends with my Tiny Girl. No doubt you two would enjoy basking in the sunshine of Heaven together. Wishing you and your family a peaceful day. TinysMom
RustysMom

Registered:
Posts: 1,015
 #7 

Oh dear Kelly (goofygirlinva) –


Your letter to Blackie was so wonderful and filled with such love. I cried when I read that even though his leaving you was so very heartbreaking, you sent your little man a big hug & a big kiss and you thanked him from sparing you from making, what for some us is the most awful decision we make in our lives.

 

When it comes to “marking” or “observing” days and events, I say the same thing, “how I wish I didn’t have to remember this day the way I am.” I so get that. I can hardly believe my Rusty has been gone 10 weeks and 4 days. Where does the time go?

 

Your Blackie will forever be in your heart, and his spirit is always within in and around you. You honor your baby with your heartfelt words and forever love.

 

My arms around you in a warm embrace today Kelly as you remember your baby Blackie on his 1 month anniversary at the bridge.

 

Rusty’s Mom.

rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #8 
Hi Kelly

Sorry to hear of your pain.

I have just seen a photo of your Blackie lying on a bed with a quilt and it made me think of my Rupert.  The similarities are incredible.  Rupert had small tufts of white in his ears on his chest and in between his legs.  My boy left me 14 weeks ago and I miss him every day.  He had a beautiful personality and he was my best friend. 

I still cry and miss him terribly but now my other cat, Rupert's sister has a problem with her third eyes.  The vet I saw today said take her home and enjoy her.  She is 15. It would be hard to figure what is wrong without exhaustive tests and expense.  I don't know what to do.

One loss is bad enough but two is unbearable.

Time is slowly healing for me after 14 weeks.  Sometimes I don't want time because it is longer that I am without my boy. I will never ever get over losing my beautiful boy. He took a piece of my heart when he left for the Rainbow Bridge.

Thinking of you
Lynley




dianae2002

Registered:
Posts: 317
 #9 

Dear Kelly,
 
Already a month... I know how it feels... is such a beautiful day outside and then we think how much out little babies loved to be outside. It bring tears to our eyes. Not so long ago they were between us giving us so much love and happiness.I wonder if we would ever be able to recover from our loss. My thoughts are with you on this day,
 
Happy One Month Bridge Day Blackie, I hope you're eating all the things you liked and that you are having fun with your new friends!!! Let you mommny know that you're fine. She loves you and misses you so much.
 
Diana, Jessie's mom.
goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 1,198
 #10 
Hi everybody,
It's been nearly 6 weeks since Blackie passed away and I still miss him so very, very much. I have put some of his things away but there are others I just cannot bring myself to touch, such as his half-empty bag of Sub-Q fluids, his bed and some of his toys. I can't put them away because once I do it will mean he is really gone and isn't coming back. I cry whenever I realize he isn't coming back to me and I am so incredibly sad about that, it really hurts.

Lynley, thank you for your kind words and for thinking of me. You are exactly right, our fur friends do take a piece of our heart when they leave us for the Rainbow Bridge. And for now all that is left is an empty, aching hole, at least that is how it is for me.

Diana, thank you for your thoughts. Today is another beautiful day outside. It has been raining here a lot lately but today is just gorgeous. The skies are blue, the temps are in the low 60s, it is just a wonderful Spring day, one I won't be able to share with my Blackie. It breaks my heart to realize we won't have any more of these days together, it really does.

I thought I was doing better these past two weeks. But then something happened at work yesterday that brought all the pain back. I've been taking some sick time off here and there and I've been working at a slower pace than usual. My supervisor was out of town on another assignment the last two weeks and when she got back she was wondering why I hadn't gotten more accomplished than I had during her absence. I had finished all the tasks we talked about before she left but I wasn't forging ahead on new projects the way I usually do and she was wondering why that was. I hadn't told her about Blackie's passing - I generally don't share a lot of things that are deeply personal with my co-workers and I had only told 2 other co-workers Blackie had died. But given her questions, I finally had to let her know why I had been taking sick leave and why my productivity was down a bit the past month or so. You would think something like this wouldn't cause a bunch of tears but it did. I didn't cry or tear up around her but I did have to leave my desk and go to the bathroom twice yesterday because I was about to cry. And last night I had a crying bout that lasted about 5 minutes or so. And today I have been very close to tears on a few occasions. So I have been having a hard time these past couple of days.

I think part of the reason the tears are starting to flow again is because I am slowing down a bit when I'm at home and am actually pausing to look at some of Blackie's things that are not yet put away. These things remind me of the time we used to spend together and they remind me of his last few days we had together, days I wish we could have together again. So these things and all they represent remind me of what I no longer have and they make me cry. I guess my saving grace is that I have Rufus and Squeeker to care for. If I didn't have them in my life, I don't know what I would do...

Kelly
Blackie's forever mommy



dianae2002

Registered:
Posts: 317
 #11 

Dear Kelly,
 
I can recognize myself while I read your message. It's such a hard time for me as well... I'm also trying to search my little Jessie's toys and things she touched or laid on. I cannot get rid of all those things, I guess I still cannot accpet that she is not coming back. I don't know why is so difficult and why it takes so much time... I think the best is just cry and try to go on. I think I would like to keep all the things from Jessie, they bring me memories and help me through this time. I have many times like you that I want to cry and run to the bathroom. I have to be aware all time that my boos don't see my red eyes or the tears. If I'm alone at work and I need to I just cry... that really helps me to calm a little. Ah, how much we miss our babies!!!
 
Diana, Jessie's mom.
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