Registered: 1568695375 Posts: 2
Lately I've been having dreams where my cat Luc comes back to me. Some way or another he'd just stroll right home and everything would be fine, but then I'd wake up, and he's not there. I get at least three a week now. I realized that I've been more emotional than usual about him, and only today did I remember that he got ran over about a year ago. It sort of feels like it happened yesterday.
He was my baby boy. Losing him was the worst thing I've ever felt. I wish I kept him inside, or I wish I didn't call him to come home, then he would have stayed outside until breakfast and avoided that car. Sometimes I wonder if I was calling for him while he was out there dying. It happened right in front of my damn house. I was able to bury him where I can visit him, and I know it might he silly but i gave him flowers and a little dream catcher. But he's not here in my bed with me, he's not purring and stretching his little fluffy paws. I want to know of this gets any easier. I don't know how to make ot better. I lost him and one of my dogs within a week of each other last year. Why am I having these dreams? Why do I cry so easily now whereas a week ago I'd smile fondly at his memory?
Registered: 1192815206 Posts: 1,191
Piper, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know for me, when I lost my beautiful Blackie, it was so hard for me to get through the first few months. Losing Blackie was so painful and I would cry so much and just be sad for the longest time. I managed to work through it, but when those firsts came around (and, to be honest, the seconds), the reality of not having Blackie with me to make more memories on those special days hit me so hard and it was almost as though I lost him again. The first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas, the first Gotacha Day, other firsts. They were so hard because it brought back the memories of sharing those days with him and now he was gone and we wouldn't be able to make any more memories together. So like you, the tears flowed pretty freely and easily on those days, and even over 10 years later my eyes still tear up thinking of those special days and moments we shared with each other.
I guess what I'm saying is that the dreams are probably your subconscious reminding you of Luc's final days with you. And that naturally reminds you that he is no longer with you, which of course leads to lots and lots of tears. It is totally understandable and I am so sorry this is a painful time for you. You are lucky, though - through your dreams, Luc has found a way to let you know he is still with you and that he loves you. It was well over a year before Blackie visited me in my dreams, and even then I think he's only visited me a handful of times. So hopefully Luc will continue to visit you in your dreams and the two of you can find some way to be together again, even if it is for a brief amount of time. Hugs to you... Kelly Angel Blackie's mom Angel Squeeker's mom
Registered: 1568695375 Posts: 2
I'd like to thank you for your kind words. Your response encouraged me to try and find a bright side. I'm very happy to have been able to spend time with him. He chose to be my baby as much as I chose to love and nurturer him (as he was a stray who showed up on my doorstep). I'm grateful that he's letting me know he's alright. However, I can't help but feel a tad guilty. He was an outdoor cat who would come whenever his name was called. I was calling for him that night, and sometimes I wonder if he was on his way home when that car came. Or if he was dying when I was right across the street wanting cuddles.