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Chummy0104

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Posts: 4
 #1 
A year ago I lost my very much loved hamster, Chummy. She was my best friend and it actually felt like I lost part of my soul, my heart physically ached. She may have been "just a hamster" but she was my everything, a sense of stability and purpose and we shared a lot of love. Her passing broke me and I got a lot of support from this forum at the time. For a time I didn't see how I could go on without her, I couldn't eat sleep or function. For a long while, the pain was so bad I believed I could never get another pet for fear of this inevitably happening again. Several months on, as the grief slowly changed, I decided i in fact couldn't live life without a pet, because I'd lost my sense of purpose. I now have, and fondly love, two guinea pigs, Percy and Piggy. They are now my world, similarly to Chummy, but not quite the same. She was a very special little furry friend. One I will never forget.

Now one year on, I am really struggling again. My brain has been reliving the days leading to her passing and its felt like I'm loosing her again. I'm finding myself remembering the moments of the last week and feelung the heart ache again. I knew the end was approaching for around a week. I spent as much time as possible with her in this time, ensuring she was comfortable and not suffering. I cuddled her for hours, reminding her of all her adventures and telling her how much I loved her. She eventually passed in my arms on 24/2/19 at 9:30pm. It was truly heart breaking but I find comfort in knowing I was there for her and gave her the very best life right until the end. I loved her so so much. I didn't really expect this but it kind of feels like I'm loosing her all over again as my mind relived it. The last few days have been so hard so I'm really worried for how tomorrow will feel. It's also making me so scared to loose my piggies one day. I cant believe ive let myself knowingly have to go through this again.

I'm sorry this isn't very well written. I'm not sure what I'm looking for in any replies but I thought it might help to get some of the sadness out on paper.
Chrissiejingles

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Posts: 4
 #2 
You gave Chummy the best life an animal could wish for....and there are so many creatures who never have that. I know exactly how you feel....it's heartbreaking and almost unbearable. Yet unfortunately the deeper we love, the deeper we grieve. I lost a beloved pet and when he passed he took a massive part of my heart with him....I haven't and probably never will completely happy again.However, I have since rehomed two new pets, one of whom would have had a life of loneliness and neglect. They will never replace my beloved pet or be as special to me, but I love them already and I cannot even imagine my life without animals in it. You are doing such a good job in giving animals a good, special home. Grief is like waves, it overwhelms us at times, at others it isn't so powerful. All we can do is keep swimming, take one day at a time and continue to home animals...in honour of the beloved, special pets we have lost.
Chrissiejingles

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #3 
You gave Chummy the best life an animal could wish for....and there are so many creatures who never have that. I know exactly how you feel....it's heartbreaking and almost unbearable. Yet unfortunately the deeper we love, the deeper we grieve. I lost a beloved pet and when he passed he took a massive part of my heart with him. However, I have since rehomed two new pets, one of whom would have had a life of loneliness and neglect. They will never replace my beloved pet or be as special to me, but I love them already and I cannot even imagine my life without animals in it. You are doing such a good job in giving animals a good, special home. Grief is like waves, it overwhelms us at times, at others it isn't so powerful. All we can do is keep swimming, take one day at a time and continue to home animals...in honour of the beloved, special pets we have lost.
Chummy0104

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Posts: 4
 #4 
Thank you for your kind words. Both sunday and Monday were particularly bad days.. I had this idea of keeping myself together at work on monday but in reality i kept welling up uncontrollably (which wasnt ideal in a people facing job!) But I got through it. She is still on my mind more than usual but the sadness and grief is beginning to settle again. In a way, I feel relieved that a year has now passed and I've completed all the firsts because that was hard. It actually felt like I was reliving the sadness of her passing in the days leading up to it, and I was worried I would recreate the grief response of last year in the days after and I was really scared because that was a very dark place, but luckily now the anniversary has passed i can feel it lifting again. I hope to hold and cherish the positive memories and take positives from the grief process also. Remembering is a sign of love. It is difficult though because a lot of people don't understand how you can love an animal so much or how you can be so sad about it but I feel lucky to experience and appreciate the unconditional love of a pet. Chummy was there for me and helped me through so much without even knowing, I'm so glad she was part of my life <3
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