Petloss.com Logo. Puff and Midget under the rainbow

ALL the Pet Loss Message Boards are moderated to make this an ABSOLUTELY SAFE place for you to find support.
You must REGISTER before you can post or reply.
Posts and replies cannot be viewed until after they have been checked for content & released by the Board Moderators. - EdW
Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
Sign up  |   |   |  Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
Luvdogs

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #1 
We lost our puppy this week. We had just adopted her but we had a flight out of state the following weekend. She was only two months old so she was not fully vaccinated. When we asked if the rescue could keep her until we got back, they said no (liabilities). Doggy daycare wouldn't take her either because she wasn't fully vaccinated. Relatives of ours were able to take care of her. They were free for three out of the five days we needed her watched. The only issue for me was that everyone in their household would be gone to work/school that Monday and Tuesday. We figured it would be ok and she just might have some accidents.

She was so tiny that she was placed in a box (with blankets) and in our bath tub because it was enclosed. My husband asked if he should just buy a crate from the store but they were so pricey that I told him we could just wait for the one I ordered online. That crate didn't come in time and we needed to drop our puppy off. Without thinking, I told my relatives to just keep her in the box in the tub and she would be fine.

My relatives sent videos and pictures of her throughout the time she stayed with them. She was so happy and running around! The morning I was to pick her up, I felt awful. I got up later than usual and still felt drowsy and light-headed. Instead of leaving at 9:30am to pick up our puppy, I left at 11:30am.

It can take up to an hour plus to get to their place and I got there a little after 12:30. No one was home (everyone was at work or school). I went upstairs to see our puppy. When I walked into their bathroom, the bath tub faucet was running and I saw our puppy, floating at the top. I screamed bloody murder and grabbed her from the tub. She had drowned in the bath.... It was like something out of a horror movie.

I called a vet nearby and rushed our puppy there. They took her into a room and came out seconds later to tell me she didn't make it.

It's been a couple days since it happened and I've been torturing myself since. My relatives felt so bad and said 100% they never even thought it was a possibility for it to have happened since our puppy was so little.

I can't believe I suggested to them to put her in the tub when they wouldn't be home. I can't believe I didn't just have my husband get the more expensive crate so we could immediately put her in it (it was twice as much at $50 instead of $25... I said no because of an additional $25!!! Just absolutely stupid!). I even regret leaving at 11:30am even though I was feeling awful. I should've came earlier and maybe I could have prevented her death. There's so much I can think of and so many options I had to keep her safe and I failed. 😞

I feel so lost and devastated. I keep thinking of how I should be waking up, excited to see my new puppy but instead she is in puppy heaven and not here. I even wondered if getting another puppy would help but every time I look, I'm just looking for her...

This message board helps a lot. I also wanted to post this in case others thought about placing their puppy in the tub. Get a crate or put them in a small room or bathroom floor with nothing they could choke on in sight. For anyone who has had to deal with a freak accident like this, I hope we can all learn that everything happens for a reason and these were lessons we must learn.

I hope to heal soon. 🙏🏼
DanC

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #2 
Hi luvdogs,

I’m so sorry for your loss. This is so tragic and an absolutely unforeseen accident. I loss my two boys due to health reasons, therefore the only thing I can relate to is with loss comes guilt. Seems to be a package deal. Everyone on this site seemed to have experienced the package. It does take a while to forgive ourselves. When, I finally forgave myself I was able to slowly start adjusting to life without my boys. Only, now am I starting to thing about another fur baby. I’m getting there’ but just need a little longer still. Don’t rush into getting another puppy until you know you are ready. Adopting another puppy to provide them with a home of unconditional love and bonding with a new furbaby is so rewarding, however, if it is to replace another puppy, you may regret the decision as you may not be ready yet to provide that loving home without judgement or guilt. Again, so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. Please don’t shortcut the grieving period which is different for everyone. Take your time and process your feelings that will seem like riding waves in the ocean.
Luvdogs

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #3 
Thank you. What has helped you heal? How long has it taken you?

With loss comes guilt - so true!! I've never felt it this extreme in my life. My husband said that this was an important life lesson and now I can empathize with others. You're right, I'm not ready for another puppy. I didn't mention it in my post since it was already so long, but we have two amazing fur babies right now - one is one year old and the other is two. Getting our puppy only added to my happiness, but now I realize more that the additional responsibility could have gotten complicated in the long run. So it will probably be many months if not another year or so until we seriously consider adding to our fur pack.

The guilt on the other hand, has been harder to mend. I have insomnia, where I wake up in the middle of the night and my mind floods with images of my puppy drowned. At first I tried to deal with it head on - pet loss grief support, reading articles on peace after pet loss, etc. Now I find binge-watching entertaining and funny YouTube videos has taken my mind off of it for at least a little. But then I feel guilty that I'm not coping with the problem or worry that I'm not dealing with it in a healthy way. My husband's strategy has been to force himself to not think about it, but I feel like that would be mental and emotional suppression for me.
DanC

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #4 
It has been about 11 months now, and I miss my boys. I know I will always miss them. It was a rough couple of months but each day became just a little bit easier. This forum, for sure, has helped a great deal as I know everyone else had similar feelings and came out of the fog, pain, grief and guilt that all rolled into one big confusing emotion. I tried to stay busy, cried when I needed to and talked to my boys everyday. Eventually, the emotions became unbundled and it made it easier to deal with one or two emotions at a time. Eventually, I realized compared to human children my furbabies were totallly dependent on me for everything and that is what I gave them — everything. Doesn’t mean I didn’t make mistake along the way or took them for granted at times, but then they probably did the same. Nevertheless, the boys and I experienced unconditional love and what more could I have done. It seems being human we want to control almost everything and in the end we can only control so much. My boys were ill when they were young and I made the decision then that I will give a good life for how ever long I could. If they had a short life I wanted it to be in a home instead of a shelter. When I think about them I try to focus on the funny moments or the moments in which they caused mischief that would have me mad at them for a brief moment to laughter for the stunts they pulled. My wife and I can laugh about them and mist up from time to time but not cry endless anymore. We finally forgave ourselves and realized we did our best and playing would’ve, could’ve and should’ve all day just resulted in us banging our heads against the wall and ended up in the same place after each day. We don’t have as much control as we think and we can only ask if our heart and intentions were in the right place for the decisions we made. If so, then we did the best we could. We are human after all. Unfortunately, there is no quick solution for your pain and loss. Just keep moving forward and remember your decisions were made from the heart. Real guilt is when your decisions were made with malice, therefore, your guilt is like everyone else here — false guilt because us silly humans need to blame someone, which includes ourselves. My heart and thoughts go out to you and your husband.
Luvdogs

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #5 
Thank you so much. I'm sure you and your wife were amazing pet parents and it's clear how much you loved your boys. Your advice has been so helpful and I hope to remind myself of it.

Our puppy came from a very sketchy rescue, they basically just wanted to get rid of her. They said they cared but charged a substantial amount (for a rescue) for us to adopt her. She was shy and nervous and as the days passed, you could see her really blooming into herself. She was playful and fearless. She kept trying to play with our very much bigger dogs and they were so gentle with her. It was so amazing to watch. What a sweet girl. I'm sure she is frolicking in puppy heaven as we speak.

My intentions were always pure with her and I made sure she was safe with me, but sadly it was outside of my control and these cruel things happen sometimes. Ultimately, this forum and time will be the best antidote. I hope to heal soon. Thank you again for your kind words and God bless.
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

If you can, please help support this Message Board with a donation: