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RBTlove

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Posts: 1
 #1 
Two and a half months ago my best friend, Ramsay, was hit by a car and suffered a severe tail pull injury- her sacrum was completely separated from the rest of her tail and more than likely cut her spinal cord- leaving her incontinent in her bowels and unable to urinate on her own. She was only 3 1/2 years old. She managed to pull herself to our front door and when I went out to usher her inside she pulled herself under a piece of furniture to while leaking blood and urine. I was absolutely horrified and we rushed her to the emergency vet. After much research and talking to my vet the conclusion was reached that she had a 50/50 chance of recovery, but if no recovery was made after 30 days, she would probably never recover. 

So the count was on, 30 days pass, no recovery. We express her bladder 3 times a day (which she hated) and diligently pick up after her accidents. I give her lots of love and let her know that I'm not angry at her in anyway and try to make her feel better because she acts embarrassed that she can't make it to her litter box in time. I give her more time because sometimes miracles happen, but then the urine scalding sets in and she just seemed miserable. I took her to the vet and talked to my vet who told me she is in a lot of pain and I've done everything I could have reasonably done to help her. So I make the painful decision to put my best friend down. It was awful. I've read so many stories online of other people with cats with tail pull injuries as bad as Ramsay's and I feel like I'm the worst person ever because I feel like I'm not sacrificing enough or I don't love Ramsay enough or something. I'm eaten up with guilt.

Not too long after we decide we need a successor for Ramsay, as nothing can ever replace her. Enter Brandon and Twiggy, who are about 7 weeks old at the time. We've had them for about a month now and they appear to be normal kittens in every way.

Here lies the problem: I cannot calm down. I cannot sleep at night or focus at work because I'm always afraid one will end up not breathing or one will be hurt or just drop dead out of nowhere. If one throws up from eating too much or something I will automatically go to the worst case scenario in my head, thinking they're poisoned or have some rare kitten disease that will make them die on me. I don't know what I'd do if I lost one of these babies after losing Ramsay. I'm not afraid to talk about Ramsay or grieve her loss, but I know my overprotectiveness of these kittens and paranoia is not healthy. Is what I'm going through normal? Will this ever go away?
HeartBroken12

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Posts: 158
 #2 
Sorry to hear about your Ramsay passing! 
Obviously I don't know your life with her, but as of what you wrote, you took care of her for 30 days, hoping for a miracle! Isn't that love and caring? You expressed her bladder 3 times a day, picked up after her accidents, gave her lots of love and tried to make her feel better. You gave her more time because sometimes miracles happen.. Pretty good chance the worse person wouldn't have cared for anyone or anything at all. As much as it's hard to hear, you stopped her suffering. Sounds like she didn't have a good life for that period of time, and because miracle didn't happen unfortunately, it was her time to go. 
I don't blame you how you feel about your kittens now, the over worries, over thinking and over protectiveness. Not sure if normal is the best word for it, but definitely understanding. But you're right, it won't be good for any of you. 
If you're able to work on these things and be easier on yourself, try to see that you were doing the best you could to help her heal and if you get more support, then with time it should get easier. 
I hope things will get better for you soon!
VickyMJ

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #3 
It sounds like you did all you possibly could for Ramsay, it was not meant to be and you let her suffering end. Please don’t feel guilty about that, she was lucky to have someone love her like you did and still do.

I totally get it with your new kittens, I am the same with my 5 other cats although strangely it’s the younger ones I’m more paranoid over, maybe it’s because they are Raisin’s siblings. Raisin died suddenly, I won’t put too much detail as I’m still so devastated, but just wanted to let you know that I think it’s quite normal to be so worried over your new kitties so early on after losing Ramsay.

Each morning when I get up I have to do a kitty count and I go into complete panic mode if they are not where they should be or usually are, I didn’t used to be like this before, but like you, I’m absolutely terrified of something happening again, just doesn’t bear thinking about.

I’m hoping with time this ‘panic’ will fade.

Hugs to you x
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