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BeagleMom05

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Posts: 1
 #1 
Hi I'm Jen. I had to put my nearly 13 year old beagle down last Friday .
At first we just thought he was sick as we had all had the flu.
He had trouble breathing, wasn't eating, walking very slowly.
It was the hardest thing I've ever had to decide on.
I didn't go with my dad when he was put down because I just wouldn't have been able to bear it.
Which makes me feel bad.
I am in pain.
Crying all the time.
Worried, anxious, constantly thinking about death, whether or not I will ever get another dog.
I also have an 8 year old beagle.
I'm worried what if she dies too.
What will I do??
This is killing me.
I'm in tears as I'm typing.
I look for him at nite when going to bed as he'd sleep behind me his butt to mine
When I go to let Sadie out I look for him.
When I feed her I look for him.
Walking her I get sad wishing he was there.
Giving Sadie treats or food I miss him so much.
When does it end??
It's unbearable.
stronics

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #2 
Jen,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I myself have this kind of pain also.
Last night the wife and I talked as we got in bed about how we miss him most at bedtime. He used to jump up on the bed and get in between us.
Yours sounds like a special relationship, I hope someday you'll be able to not be in so much pain.
David
Mondo

Moderator
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Posts: 994
 #3 

When does it end?  It ends when we do.  But wait, it does improve.  The pain slowly gives way to tears.  I could be weeks, months, maybe longer.  

I don't know exactly when I got better.  The doctor gave me antidepressants after a month or so of just being on a downward spiral.  I couldn't see an end to the darkness.

Slowly things got better.  Instead of sobbing every day and breaking down, I just cried. Then I had days where suddenly at night I realized I didn't cry that day.  Was able to focus on work and for a few hours Tuffy wasn't the focus.

I don't think it really ends though.  4 years ago Tuffy had been diagnosed with an inoperable tumor, seemed okay prior to that, had a grand mal seizure and suddenly we were told he didn't have long.  It was the worst time of my life.  Now on facebook I am getting 'memories' of 4 years go.  We had sent his Rainbow Bridge day and counted down the days.  I've been crying daily lately.  :-)

He was worth it.  Great love brings great grief.

Hugs,
Tuffy, Toby, Ellie and Missy's Dad

LilBsMommy

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #4 
Jen,

My heart goes out to you. We lost Baxter, our Little B, three weeks ago yesterday. We still feel so shattered. Today has been horrible. My wife and I have been consumed with sadness. She was doing laundry and found a bone that he had hidden. His bed and favorite stuffed animal still sit in front of the fireplace. We have two other dogs and two cats t we are smothering in love, but the void is still there. Baxter should be barking at me to help him get onto the bed or ringing the bells on the door to go outside. He should be laying on my chest, giving me kisses. He was only six and he was healthy. We will never know what took him away so suddenly. I think that’s made it worse. He was my heart and there is this emptiness inside of me that I fear will never go away. I can only hope that the good days will someday outnumber the bad ones.

Hugs to you and your family.

Lil B’s Mommy
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