Registered: 1283721135 Posts: 12
So I lost my sweet little cockapoo, Rosie, just over 6 weeks ago. Part of me feels like it was just a second ago that I was holding her in my arms and then another part of me feels like I've lived 100 years without her. I still have her pictures all over: on my phone wallpaper, on my home and work computer wallpaper, on my fridge, etc. I have wanted to keep her pictures up because I can't imagine not being able to still see her sweet little face SOMEHOW, but lately I feel like I'm going crazy when I see her picture...the bad emotions are coming out when I look at them: sadness, anger, guilt. I don't want to change the pictures or take them down, but is it unhealthy for me to keep looking at them all the time? Is it ok if I "take a break" and move them or change them for a bit?? I feel so horrible and guilty for even thinking that, but lately it's so hard to look at her pictures and not feel such horrible pangs of guilt and so much sadness that I feel physically sick. I miss her so much and I still can't believe she's gone. Some days are ok and I can look at her picture and think of the good memories, but not this week. This week is bad. I can't concentrate on anything and I just feel anxious and sad...it's like being in the ocean...it had settled down for a bit but then this big wave of sadness and anxiety is crashing down on me again. I don't know what to do about the pictures. Does anyone go through this too?
Registered: 1280313280 Posts: 596
When I first lost Bubba, I didn't want to look at pictures because all I did was cry. Then the pictures were all I had, so I too posted them everywhere. But I still have days when I look at them and cry.
You do what you feel you must to be able to make it through the day. If taking the pictures down for a while helps, do it and don't feel guilty. When you think you're ready again to see them, put them up. Maybe just one or two, then go from there if you think you can. I was pretty numb when Bubba died, so I'm not sure I knew what I wanted. I really wanted to see his face, but it reminded me he wasn't there. What you're going through is normal. The waves of emotion will come and go. If you're having a bad week and can't look at the pictures, it's no disrespect to Rosie. She knew you loved her. I will tell you that I had Bubba cremated, and to this day (he died in July) I have not asked where his ashes are because I don't want to know yet. I'm not ready to hold them and think this was my beautiful boy. We all cope the way we have to and we deal with the loss in the way we can and still function. Rosie is still with you, just watch for the signs.
Registered: 1282854430 Posts: 116
Yes Megan I do too. I did take down Aprils pictures for a while, the pain was so great - I would cry every time I saw them. I have one up now, its next to her ashes. Its been over 8 weeks now and it does feel like 100 years. My life has changed so much I hardly recognize it. I daydream about all the days I lived with her, wishing I could go back, knowing what I know now.
We all feel those feelings of guilt, regret and anger. I don't know what the steps of grieving are but I'm pretty sure its normal. How could we love something so much.....have it taken a way so quickly and not be confused? We will have bad days and bad weeks, but we have this place to help us along. I don't know what I would do without this place as no one known to me really understands the pain of this loss. I never married nor do I have children, my April was my life. So, yes I feel everything you talked about. Prayers for all of us... Bob
Registered: 1279288501 Posts: 564
I lost both of my pups in July of this year. They were 13 and 12 year old Siberian Huskies named Luke and Lil. I felt much the same way you did at first....I have pictures of them all over the place, both at home and at work, as screen savers, etc. It was painful to see their images everywhere, and to just long to have them back.Everyone grieves differently. Certainly it is OK for you to take them down for awhile and see whether that helps you with your pain. Do what you need to take care of yourself. I'd suggest that you not throw them away, as you may choose to retrieve them someday.
I decided to keep all of them around....it felt better to me to see pictures of them when they were young and healthy rather than to have the picture in my mind of their illnesses and the final days before passing. The pain is much less now, and I find that I can look at them now and and marvel at their beauty and happiness. Six weeks is still very early in your grieving process. What you are feeling is normal for your circumstances......you loved little Rosie so deeply.....of course you will feel an emptiness and a great deal of pain. This forum has been of such comfort to me and others. I would recommend that you come here often and share more about sweet Rosie. It will help! God Bless! Rick
Registered: 1282484757 Posts: 72
I am not saying what I do is right for you but I kept all Megans pictures exactly where they were. It has helped me to not see her last day over and over again in my mind and instead see the good times. If I had moved her pics, which had been around for a long time, the "difference" would also have caught my eye and just reminded me again that she is not here anymore.
But this may not be right for you because Megans pictures make me smile. If I got upset each time I saw them then I might also consider taking them down, if only for a while. I hope you soon get to the stage where you can think of her and smile more often. Claire xx
Registered: 1245859572 Posts: 2,123
I've seen this phenomenon happen so many times here. It's strange, how many of us go through such similar stages. I needed my boy's photos everywhere in the beginning too. Then, after a while, the photos began to upset me. I'd get angry because they were intangible. I couldn't feel his warmth through those photos. He came up all over my screen saver and my laptop was always right in front of me, even when I wasn't working on it. I found that I needed to remove those photos from the screen saver. I kept about a half dozen still in there, and had many others without him to mix them up with. Then, when his photo only came up once in a while, I was able to smile. Now, I take out his photos and look at them when I'm in the mood (I'm much further along than you). As I said, what your feeling is a natural stage that many of us here have gone through. Hang in there. Hugs of comfort, Lori
Registered: 1283721135 Posts: 12
Thank you everyone. Your kind support helps me so much. Whenever I feel like I'm going to lose it, I come to this website and it's such a great comfort. Thank you.
Registered: 1219887733 Posts: 11,059
I put pictures up in my home after my boy died. I need to see his sweet little face everyday. I love seeing his beautiful brown eyes when I turn on my computer. Everyone must do what brings them comfort. I love my bunny so much.
Mare precious Christoph ~ gone too soon ~