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Posts: 1
Hello to all in this fine community,
My fiance and I had two dogs, one of them very small and almost 2 years old. Our room mate was angry at this littler dog because she was a yapper. Very sweet, loving, gentle creature but she had a voice and she used it. He wasn't interested in befriending her despite our suggestions and I suppose that's fair- she wasn't his dog and it wasn't up to him to resolve the behavior. But less than a week ago, while we were out of the house, he snapped. He threw her into the wall and it killed her. Thankfully, the justice system is taking this very seriously and he is being charged with a felony and our other dog is unharmed. But it has been very hard on us both, slightly more so on my fiance because this little dog was HER pick and our first dog was MY pick. I'm grieving too, but I'm putting my needs aside as best I can to support the woman I love. She is desperate for another dog- right away. It hasn't even been a week and she basically ambushed me without asking and lined up to get a 6-week-old adorable puppy. I met the puppy and it is heart-melting of course, but I absolutely oppose this decision for many reasons:
1) It's too soon
2) This puppy feels like a crutch and it shouldn't be
3) We're 3 weeks away from a 1,000 mile drive to our new home out-of-state
4) Our current living situation absolutely does not allow for it (and our new one probably won't either)
5) We can't afford the time and expense to raise a fresh puppy
There are more reasons why this isn't a good idea, but those are the main ones. There's just a mountain of things to deal with on our plates, we're already being crushed under the weight of everything happening to us and, to me, this is just another massive load on the pile. I've listened to all her reasons and I never belittle her and I never dismiss her feelings, but this is just too much. I cannot feel good about this right now. We're supposed to pick the puppy up in two weeks so it can be with its mother until it's 8 weeks old. Please, how how HOW do I say no? How do I convince her this isn't the right decision? Or can it truly be possible that it is? Am I being a horrible lover to go against her in this? Please help

- Sincerely, Overwhelmed

Posts: 9
Dear Overwhelmed,

I think your fiancee is very lucky to have you. I just lost my bff dog Angel less than 24 hours ago. I am in such pain that I called my husband at work and told him that I cant take it and I need to get another dog right away. He didnt say no but he did encourage me to grieve our beloved Angel. After I read your post I realize that a new dog would be a "crutch" for me not to have to go through these natural feelings that occur after a heart wrenching loss. I think you are very smart and have very good reasons why you should not have another puppy at this time. You will have many stressors coming up and you two could use this as a bonding time for your relationship instead of adding a puppy to the mix.

I realize I will have more time to interact with my husband now that Angel is gone. We actually held hands and comforted each other last night. Not the usual routine. When my husband of 26 (not so easy) years asks me to sit down and listen to his thinking (without responding until he is done) it results in a better conversation. Its important that she hear your reasons and valid concerns. Reassure her that you two need each other to get through this time. There will be a better time in the future to add a dog to your family. Stay strong and loving. Maybe you could set out a future date that would be reasonable or future situation that would make it possible to have a new dog. That way she could see that you are not saying no to a new dog forever. I hate to say this but if she doesn't consider your very valid reasoning (in my opinion) then you will be setting up a situation that will keep reoccurring in your relationship. Do you want that? You are not the bad guy but the voice of reason. Thats my 2 cents.

Blessings to you and your fiancee!
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