Registered: 1568070760 Posts: 1
New to this group. Just looking for a little reassurance and guidance. On Friday morning we had to put our bulldog to sleep. We rescued her two years ago, from being bred and bred and just used for profit. When we got her, she had a bad yeast infection in her wrinkle, her claws her turning in on themselves and she was so quiet. She came out of her shell and a few months ago we had to have her eye removed as it was ulcerated way before we got her and was at risk of bursting. The other eye was okay but her vision in it was limited. She has constant ear infections. But we sorted all that out. This past week, she started to eat only tiny bits of food, and she would sleep all the time. When people came in she would no longer greet them like she used to. She didn’t wanna go for walks and really struggled to catch her breath. When I was working on Tuesday I took her emergency vets as she was feeling sick and constantly licking her lips. Still lethargic. The vets told us she has a heart murmur, stage 3 or 4 and went to ultrasound her stomach. She had a piametra (excuse the spelling) in her womb but when they re scanned it wasn’t there. They had noted her weight loss which was unintentional as she had been exercising less but sleeping more. She came out with these like blotches on her skin and it spread quickly and she itched then which made them bleed. The vet suspected it was a lymphoma. Her paws also came out in like big cysts and when she walked on them they bled. There was only surgery as treatment for it but they wouldn’t operate with her heart murmur. I went to get a second opinion and the vet I trust most as I’ve known him for years said her heart was at a stage two not four, and there must be another reason for her not taking a full breath. She was 8years old. The vet said to put her through scans which would result in possible operations would only be cruel to her as she was tired and had had enough and they wouldn’t operate with her heart murmur and the struggle for breath. I gave her another night, but all she did was sleep and her breathing wasn’t great. Walking down a street would make her pant and struggle. I decided with my partner to put her to sleep. I didn’t want her to suffer. And there was so much wrong that it wouldn’t have been fair to her to keep testing her when she was tired. The last day or so, I feel so much guilt. I am blaming myself and think I made the wrong decision. I keep thinking I should’ve got her tested for everything but I don’t know if that’s me being selfish. The vet said anything over seven for a bulldog is good and she was eight. I just feel like I’ve killed her, and I can’t come to peace with the fact she’s gone. Should’ve I of waited? I’m just lost. Sorry for the long post.
Registered: 1564945101 Posts: 46
SLV94, im so sorry you are having to experience such a difficult time. And i know how overwhelming its is to navigate this journey as I lost my frenchie boy of 13 on 7/15/19 rather suddenly as well. But given all your words and the deep loving emotions behind them, i know with certainty you did everything possible to be there for her, especially given her past and how much care and love you gave her. The grief process is not an easy one, and guilt and blame are heavy-handed in so many ways. I know nothing i can say will offer any real comfort, but please know that you are not alone and I do understand all you are feeling. Your love is so apparent. Go gentle with yourself, one step at a time. Always here to listen and support. Mossimo's Mom, anastacia
Registered: 1568096801 Posts: 1
I know when we I love someone so very much, and everything that we do doesn't have a perfect ending, it's easy to think that we didn't do enough for them. I think your regret is more a sign of how much you love your sweet baby and less representative of having done anything wrong. It sounds to me like you gave her an incredible life. You let her have happiness and trust and peace after going through so much difficulty. You changed her life to perfection. And, that's irreplaceable. Thank you for being such a wonderful and loving parent. Your deep connection to and absolute adoration of your baby is palpable. I am so sorry for your loss. With love, Michelle & Angel-winged Zion