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Benniesmom

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #1 
I can't seem to stop crying. Today is my first real day without my baby boy and it hurts so much. I can't sleep, eat. I feel like I want to just die in order to spare myself this pain. I miss my baby boy so much.

Bennie you were supposed to stay with mama and help her through this horrible illness. You weren't supposed to leave me alone. God why did you take my little precious guardian angel from me. He was my strength, my joy, my sunshine, my life. I am so angry at you right now.

Please help to stop crying and hurting. Make it go away!!!

Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #2 

Sorry for your loss of Bennie. When you're ill, too, it makes it so much harder to cope with. You'll get through this because others before you have. Be good to yourself, do something that makes you feel good every day--even if you have to force yourself. It will spark a light of life and hope in you. Take care.

rena

Registered:
Posts: 174
 #3 
Your post made me want to cry.  It's so hard to lose our precious babies.  I know how hard it is having lost 2 kitties in 6 months this year.  Even 2 months after losing my Sherry I still have trouble eating and sleeping.  My life is so sad and empty all the time now.  My prayers and thoughts are with you during this so difficult time.

Rena
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #4 
Hi Maria,

If there were some magic words I could say, or something I could do to take away this horrific pain you are feeling, I would do it in a heartbeat for you.   Your loss of your beloved boy, Bennie, is so new, so fresh, so overwhelming that you are inconsolable right now.  Just let the tears flow. 

But, please take care of yourself.  You mentioned in your other thread that you also have cancer.  You must stay rested, hydrated, and you must eat. Your body needs to heal, but that is hard while your heart is hurting so much. If you can't sleep, maybe your doctor will give you something to help you sleep at least while the grief is so very intense.   Please don't be afraid to ask for help.  And, keep coming here.  Keep posting and venting your feelings about your boy.  I truly believe it does help.

Here is my email address: rxhope@stx.rr.com. If you need extra support, do NOT hesitate to write.  I will be here for you.  I have corresponded with a few other wonderful people on this site and it has helped me.  Besides, when my husband saw the picture of Bennie, it brought tears to his eyes, because Bennie reminded him of our Betsy.

Sending hugs,
Melissa
Georgeann

Registered:
Posts: 2,245
 #5 
Dear Maria:
I am so sorry for your loss of Precious Bennie.  He is so adorable.  I understand your overwhelming grief as I have felt that pain for over 14 months.  I can tell you that the first month is the worst.  I cannot tell you how many times I asked God to let me go with Christopher.  I was a maniac for at least three months after he went to the Bridge.

I am a cancer survivor and Christopher helped me through.  I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you not having Bennie at your side.  Unfortunately there is nothing I can say that will help you through this pain.  I can only assure you that like everyone else on this site, I am here when you need me.  I would never have survived if it had not been for my Petloss Family.  After 14 months they still remain some of the most important people in my life.  You and Bennie are in my Prayers.


My Precious Angel
Please Take Really Good Care of
Bennie For His Mommy.  Please
Keep Him Safe Until She Arrives
You Are My Man And I Love You
Mommy


mykittygirl

Registered:
Posts: 881
 #6 
Dear Maria,

I'm wrapping you in hugs and so sorry you lost your dear Bennie.
You gave him a great gift of love by releasing him.

The enormous pain and grief you will go through is because he was so important and you've just lost your "child". Don't stop the tears and allow the agony you will feel...it's VERY important and the only way you will heal. By mourning your beloved Bennie you are honoring your relationship with him.

There's no way around this pain and you must go through it. Don't expect it to be over in a few days but it will continue to ease.

When my Cicio died I felt as if my heart had been ripped out..I didn't cry I wailed and heard sounds out of me I've never heard before. My life had just changed and the sadness slammed me..I could hardly breathe. It's now almost 7 months...I still cry and I miss her more each day but the sharp pain is gone and there's such a relief that she's no longer in any pain.

Your Bennie will always be with you in spirit and someday the joyful memories will return and although you will be so very sad he's not with you, you will smile each time you think of him and remember all that he blessed you with.

PLEASE take care of yourself now...allow the grief...but remember to eat a little something. Consider an in-person support group if you have one in your area and come here often.
We all know what you're going through.

Much love from Cicio's mom,

Donna
vintagelace

Registered:
Posts: 51
 #7 
So sorry for your loss. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Sandy




TrishaA

Registered:
Posts: 20
 #8 
I am so sorry for your loss. This is a sad time- you are expected to cry and hurt it's ok - the pain of loss it the price of love. It takes a long time. When I lost Tiffany I thought when will this stop hurting, I don't think it ever does, we just find a way to believe they are ok and they had the best life with you. it's difficult to find a new way of going on, I learned I am stronger than I thought I was, how I made it through is I had to only focus on today - I told myself just get through today, that's the best I could do and sometimes that is difficult. But you will. Be kind to yourself, give yourself permision to cry. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless our babies...

" I love you always Tiffany"...
NinaMariasMom

Registered:
Posts: 567
 #9 
I'm sorry for your loss of Bennie.   I wish I could take the pain away from you.  I know it's very hard, but must be especially hard when you are ill.  Please try to get some rest and eat.  I know its easy to say, but understand how you feel. 

You are in my thoughts,
Nina Maria's Mom
rena

Registered:
Posts: 174
 #10 
Benniesmom:

  I'm so very sorry for your loss.  It is a terrible thing to lose your baby especially in the first few days.  Please email me at any time at rena.mcgrath@yahoo.com whenever you feel like talking.  I check my mail several times a day and will be here for you whenever you need to share.

Rena (Sherry and Daisy's mom)
RustysMom

Registered:
Posts: 1,015
 #11 

 

Dear Benniesmom –

 

I know and share your pain, as we all do, which is why coming back here to cry, share stories, vent or whatever it is you feeling like doing, is good for your soul. I lost my kitty Rusty, my beloved best friend 14 weeks and 3 days ago. He was 21+ years old and I know we had a long wonderful life together, but it still doesn’t change the fact that he is forever gone from my physical presence.  And the agony (for me) is sometimes too much to bear.  But I know now that we do not have to suffer with our grief and sadness alone.  PL has been a life saver for me. 

 

Personally I have learned that there is no “time clock” for our grieving period, and everyone is different.  Some people find solace in quiet, some with books, prayer, or counseling.  I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you will find your way.  I’m sorry to say, it will be painful, but in time, we must believe that our wonderful memories will start to replace the heartache we feel.  I say this based on so many of the postings I have read. . . however, I’m still waiting. And for me, I expect I’ll be waiting for quite some time, maybe the rest of my days, but that’s o.k., because this is my process, my grief, my loss. 

 

Please try and be good to yourself and as others have said to me, be extra gentle to yourself, as your Bennie would want that – he wants you to stay strong because he knows you have to, now more than ever.  

 

With the warmest affection and many hugs of strength,

 

Rusty’s Mom – Allison.

RustysMom

Registered:
Posts: 1,015
 #12 

 

Dear Benniesmom –

 

I know and share your pain, as we all do, which is why coming back here to cry, share stories, vent or whatever it is you feeling like doing, is good for your soul. I lost my kitty Rusty, my beloved best friend 14 weeks and 3 days ago. He was 21+ years old and I know we had a long wonderful life together, but it still doesn’t change the fact that he is forever gone from my physical presence.  And the agony (for me) is sometimes too much to bear.  But I know now that we do not have to suffer with our grief and sadness alone.  PL has been a life saver for me. 

 

Personally I have learned that there is no “time clock” for our grieving period, and everyone is different.  Some people find solace in quiet, some with books, prayer, or counseling.  I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you will find your way.  I’m sorry to say, it will be painful, but in time, we must believe that our wonderful memories will start to replace the heartache we feel.  I say this based on so many of the postings I have read. . . however, I’m still waiting. And for me, I expect I’ll be waiting for quite some time, maybe the rest of my days, but that’s o.k., because this is my process, my grief, my loss. 

 

Please try and be good to yourself and as others have said to me, be extra gentle to yourself, as your Bennie would want that – he wants you to stay strong because he knows you have to, now more than ever.  

 

With the warmest affection and many hugs of strength,

 

Rusty’s Mom – Allison.

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