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moonmoon

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Posts: 17
 #1 
I lost my little girl, Phoebe, a 12 year old yorkshire terrier yesterday and I dont know if I can survive this pain. She died in my arms after becoming very ill, very quickly with kidney failure and before the vet even had the chance to put her to sleep. I feel like a part of my heart has been ripped out of my chest and nothing is ever going to heal it. I am more cut up about this than when my dad died last year- which makes me feel even more guilty and I feel like people think just because she was a dog I should be over it super quickly. I dont know how anyone ever gets over this agony- she was my best friend. How am I ever going to go back to my "normal" life without her? please someone tell me this gets easier with time? :(
PoisonIvy

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Posts: 60
 #2 
It does get easier but not right away.
Always__there

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Posts: 123
 #3 
Hello MM,
How very sad the circumstances surrounding Phoebe's demise. Realise your emotions are very raw at this point in time. Tis a blessing you were present for the passing VS Phoebe at home when you were absent. One is never prepared period for the aftermath of feelings for their beloved. You will go through every avenue of emotions and do allow yourself to grieve. As for the ''others'' that say get on with it... To that I can only respond by saying... they are not devout animal lovers. We on this Forum have all experienced losses of pets, some more, some less. My wee chihuahua, 16y, passed 1 mo ago and yes the routine of the day is broken. It takes Time for the Acceptance to register for the passing of and that does not occur overnight. In order to cope do try having Phoebe's favourite possessions near your person, whether a toy, a photo, and draw comfort from. You will have highs and lows, just go with the feeling of the day. Know that your Phoebe loved you, focus on the affirmative. Take it day-day.    My Best, Sherry/Perryxx
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #4 
Dearest Moongirl,
It does get better with time. You will never have your old "normal" ever again. I too suffered more losing Termy than my sister. That didn't mean I loved her less but there is a different love we share with our pets than with our relatives. Your life, as our lives, those who suffered a loss as ours, do create a new "normal". My pain  after letting  letting Termy go was so unbearable that I didn't want to live without him. But I know that it wasn't and isn't my time to join him. I feel your pain and I can assure you after some time you will feel better. You will still cry and still grieve. After awhile you will be able to smile, sometimes with tears but still with a smile. I thought after sharing my life's journey with Termy for 16 years that I would never be able to go on but I have. I still miss him with all my heart and wish everyday that he was still here. It hurts! It's been almost 6 months since he went to Rainbow Bridge and I still cry and I talk to him every night since September 18th. Remember the journey you shared with Phoebe and all the love she packed into her life with you. She did this knowing someday it will have to last you until you see her again.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
Andrealeec

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Posts: 1
 #5 
I'm so sorry. I lost my 11 year old dachshund on Valentine's day, and each day it has gotten a tiny bit better. I feel like I will be grieving for a while, we had such a strong bond and he was like my child. Know that you aren't alone in your suffering. Feel your feelings, allow yourself to cry. It sucks, its a horrible feeling but slowly, things will get better. I still cry every day and the pain I feel is so intense. Try to think of all the happy times you had together--having her in your life for all those years was worth feeling the pain now right? That's what I keep telling myself about my Elwood. Having his love for those 11 years was 100 % worth the pain I'm feeling now. Sending positive thoughts your way. 
jahmers

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Posts: 9
 #6 
I lost my baby girl about a month ago.  She was and still is the very best friend I have ever had.  I feel like I will never stop crying.  I have literally been crying for about 6 hours straight.  It is so bad...As you all know.  I don't know how to deal with this pain.  It was just her and I.  I get sick to my stomach from crying so hard.  I had to put her picture away because every single time I look at it I have a melt down.  I want to look at her pics and smile.  I hope that will happen one day..soon.
moonmoon

Registered:
Posts: 17
 #7 
Thank you everyone for your kind words- they brought tears to my eyes.

PoisonIvy- I truly hope so

Always there- I am so sorry for your loss too and you are right- its the routine that is killing me. Its coming home and finding the space behind the front door empty and silent. Its seeing crumbs on the floor - I havent had any food remain on the floor longer than the speed a yorkie's legs can go for 12 years. Looking at the space where her bed used to be is agonising. Its the small things like this that hurt the most. Thank you for your kind words.

Termy's mom- Thank you so much for your kindness. I often think our relationships with people can be complex and involve many ambivalent emotions, but when it comes to pets its just so simple. This could be why the grieving process feels different- maybe?  Animals are so easy to love, they love purely and honestly and completely without any conditions. I'm so sorry you lost Termy too. (((hugs)))

Andrealeec- Yes, thats exactly how I feel. Even though Phoebe wasnt my human child, I had all those maternal, protective feelings towards her. I'm trying to focus on the happy times we shared- of which there were so many. I'm sorry for your loss too.

jahmers- I am so with you right now and I feel exactly what you are going through. This quote really resonates with me: "grief is the price we pay for love". If this horrendous pain is the price I have to pay for having Phoebe in my life then I dont regret a single moment of it. (((hugs)))

diane772

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Posts: 237
 #8 
Dear moonmoon, I understand how you feel. I lost my Brandy 3 days ago. What people don't understand is that they love you unconditionally. They don't care if you don't look good or if you did something stupid. I loved Brandy more than anyone else. She depended on me and always happy to be with me. I try to remember how lucky I was to have her in my life for 15 years and please try to remember the same. Also remember she loved you no matter what.
moonmoon

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Posts: 17
 #9 
Yes, thats the truth diane- they love unconditionally. There is no judgement or manipulation or ulterior motives with animals- they just....love. Theyre like pure angels walking around on this earth.
Thank you for your kind words. 
myrosiegirl

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Posts: 1
 #10 
Hi, I am new to this forum, I have been reading all your messages and find it is really comforting. I put my Rosie down before Christmas. I miss her like crazy. I think she was around 15 years young, she had two previous owners that neglected her. She was a beautiful Standard Poodle she was my baby for 10 years. She was in excellent health up until a week before Christmas and she started having seizures one after another. Then she was circling around and around and wouldn't rest. She couldent hold her head up. I took her to the vets and she said she probably had a brain tumor. I didn't think she could get better so I've sent her to heaven. I feel so guiltly perhaps she could have. I felt when I had let her go that I did the right thing, but life is so lonely. She was my only family. Time has passed but I think I have been a fog. Miss her terribly, my Rosie girl. 
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #11 
myrosiegirl, I am so sorry for your loss. I often wonder if it will ever get better but being here does help. I miss my Brandy so much. I find myself crying at any given moment. The guilt is a terrible feeling but I feel that you and I did the right thing at the right moment. I know just how you feel, Brandy was my only family for many years. 
moonmoon

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Posts: 17
 #12 
I'm so sorry myrosiegirl, I really relate to your feelings. I woke up this morning with the stark realisation that this awful pain is not going to be going away any time soon. So, what Ive had to do is limit my "grieving time" to a specific time slot every evening where I can cry, or light candles, or write in my journal and mourn Phoebe any way I choose. As long as I know I'll have that time and space to feel my feelings and think about her (its HER time) it makes the rest of the day slightly more bearable. Ive had to do that since I feel like my entire life will disintegrate and crumble into bits if if I dont get some kind of handle on these feelings. I have to go to work and I cannot just stay in bed under the covers all day long (even thought thats exactly what I WANT to do right now). I dont know if that helps but its made things a little easier for me. (((hugs)))
Mercedes2

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Posts: 5
 #13 
Please help me , my snoopy was my dad , brother anephews dog and they all died . My mum hhim but couldn’t cope he wasnaughty him and turned him into a very loving dog . He slept on my pillow with me every night and I held his paws when we went to sleep . A couple of nights ago he was being sick as he often does as he was 16 and 5 months . Money is tight I turned to gambling to cope with all my grieve . When snoopy was sick I thigh too he doesn’t need feeding tonight he can’t eat he’s being sick and I will have enough food for tom( I’m so sorry snoopy for thinking that ) that night he was getting off sofa and collapsed I held him for four hours before he died in my arms . I loved him with all my heart xx my heart is broken into many pieces and the guilt I have is killing me . Please let me know he forgives me xx I can’t cope xxxxxxxx
Always__there

Registered:
Posts: 123
 #14 
Hello Mercedes,
Feeling your overall sadness from the loss of your beloved Snoopy. Right now your emotions are very raw and very real. Having found This FORUM and joining the rest of US that also have lost and are grieving is another way for you to cope by sharing your feelings. Yes, the pain is traumatic as your loss is so new. You will go through every possible emotion and that is part of your grieving and healing. Know that this FORUM does help immensely. Yes, it does get better in time. The love for your pet never leaves you and the saying of...left your Life but not Your Heart. Take one day at a time.
                                                Sherry/Perryxx
Mercedes2

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #15 
Thank you sherry, I love him

so much . The pain is unbearable . I need to know he’s safe and warm . He never. I c liked getting cold . I miss he’s excitement when he saw me , the love he give me , I can’t go home I miss him so much xx my baby has gone and I can’t get passed my guilt xxxxx
Mondo

Moderator
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Posts: 994
 #16 
It does get better in time, sometimes a long time.  I lost Tuffy just over 4 years ago now.  It was the worst time and day of my life.  I had lost both of my parents in the previous 2 years, and took those losses hard.

But Tuffy.  I describe his loss as 'soul crushing'.   It took a long time but I got through it. Saw a counselor, got on meds for a year or so.  He was worth it, but I wasn't sure I was going to make it a lot of days.  At first it was a few minutes at a time, then I would have good hours, then good days.   Still not a day that I didn't cry, but it wasn't sobbing after a month.  

4 years later I remember the good times, and once in a while an old memory comes up.  We adopted 2 little dogs from a rescue.  One of their water bowls was empty.  Tuffy would have scratched at it, and given me "the look".  He was my heart dog and I miss him.  I love the girls a lot and if I am lucky when they go I will be as sad as when Tuffy left.  Although it feels that he still lives in my heart, and a piece of me went with him ..

Give it time.  

Hugs,
Tuffy, Toby, Ellie and Missy's Dad
Mercedes2

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #17 
I’m so sorry for your loss xxx my heart is broken into many pieces , I didn’t know I could love a dog with all my heart xxx my snoopy , my little man was my world xxx I feel like have lost a baby xx thank you mondo xxI was his mum and he gave me so much love xxxxxlots of love
Snoopys mum xxxxx
Missing_Coco

Registered:
Posts: 35
 #18 
I understand completely moonmoon.
My dad died of cancer 20 years ago and I feel that I have grieved more for my dog than I ever did for him.
It feels very weird to be more attached to a dog than to a father.
My Coco was diagnosed with Kidney Failure too and I had to put her to sleep 24 hours after finding out.
I keep blaming myself, but know that it was the right thing to do.
It's hard because everything reminds you of them. Their bed, their collar, lead, bowls, where you walked them, the way they pranced or the silly thing they did.
It's all very fresh. Even the happy memories make you cry. I lost my girl only 4 days ago, so hopefully as the days go on, it does get easier as everyone says.
I hope your heart is hurting a little less today than it was yesterday. :-(
jahmers

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #19 
I also understand.  I lost my sweet little Diva about 6 weeks ago.  Every single part of my day is consumed with memories of her.  She was registered as my support dog so she literally went everywhere I did.  She used to love sitting in the cart when we would go shopping.  I went to the grocery store for the first time a couple of days ago.  It was horrible.  The seat was empty.  I was finally able to open my shades up and looked at the place on my patio where we used to spend so much time watching the world go by.   I cry all of the time.  I have literally spent about 4 hours crying and wailing non stop  at the top of my lungs.  I Don't want to live this way.   I have never grieved like this with any lose I have ever had.  I am looking for another dog.  I can't stand living without a sweet little baby on the other side of the door when I come homel  How do you know when it is the right time to get another dog?  What has everyone done with their dogs belongings?   

PoisonIvy

Registered:
Posts: 60
 #20 
jahmers, I'm sorry about your dog.  My dog died four weeks ago, and I'm still very sad.  I'm thinking about when to get another dog.  At this point, I would get one if I saw the "perfect" dog, but I think I'm still at the stage when what I really want is not another dog, but for my old dog to come back to life.  I think that while I'm still feeling this way, I should probably wait, because I worry about not loving the next dog enough as itself.
moonmoon

Registered:
Posts: 17
 #21 
Missing coco- thank you for your kind words. I think the reason I'm more upset about Phoebe than my dad was because I had a complex relationship with him and it was difficult at times. It was never difficult with Phoebe- she was my heart dog and our connection was just simple, pure, and unconditional love. Losing such love is not easy to cope with. It was a week ago today she died and all I keep thinking is "this time last week she was alive", and, "last time I took this journey in the car she was still alive" etc... Its like mental torture but I cant seem to stop myself from doing it. I think the most mind blowing thing for me is that we have finally been separated and I cant quite believe it. This dog was like my shadow- even when I was in the shower she would sit on the floor outside the bathroom waiting for me, she followed me absolutely everywhere and I got so used to her wonderful presence that her not being there feels like there is something fundamentally wrong with the universe. 

jahmers- I have considered the possibility of one day getting another dog but I dont feel the time is right for me yet. Currently, I feel like if I got another dog I would just end up resenting the fact that they arent Phoebe and thats really not fair to them. I probably will at some point in the future because my life doesnt seem complete without a dog- I am hoping that one day I will wake up and it will just seem "right", you know?
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #22 
Dear moonmoon, I understand about another dog. People are asking me the same question but it is not fair to another dog. I need to grieve and I don't know if I will ever be ready for another one. Brandy was my best friend, my confidant and my world. I always put her first. I got her ashes yesterday and I find myself talking to her all the time just like before. It does help me having her home again.     Diane
Mondo

Moderator
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Posts: 994
 #23 
I didn't feel the time was right for another dog either. Seems to me the time never would have seemed right.

Tuffy passed in Feb of 2014, Toby in Jan 2015.  I had started following some rescues on Facebook.  My wife started following too.

I was just looking. But my wife had a need.  So we adopted Missy and Ellie in March of 2015.  It took me a little longer to bond with them, several months.

It was wonderful to have them, but I was still grieving.  It was a strange feeling.  3 years later I love the girls with all my heart.  

Hugs,
Mondo
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #24 
I am so happy for you, I would like to believe that someday I could share my love again. You have given me hope Thank you Diane
jahmers

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Posts: 9
 #25 
I have known that my little girl was sick for almost a year. She had chronic heart failure and the vet told me this is what will take her. I think I have been preparing for that dreaded day slowly throughout that time. I know that I must have A dog in my life. Diva is a part of me in every way and will always live in my heart.💕 l am still, and always will be wrapped around her little paw.I will forever miss her and she’ll always be a part of me. She weighed 6 pounds with a 10 pound loving heart. My heart aches beyond words that she is no longer here with me. My pain is gut wrenching. I had 13 wonderful years with her and wish I could have a million more but I can’t. Because I had so much time to prepare for her to leave me I think I was able to show her that there is no other dog that would ever replace her. I have been looking for a dog to rescue. Whatever dog I get I will love with all my heart. I feel like I have gotten permission from Diva to get another dog. That sounds so crazy but I believe it.
Lisamfoley

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Posts: 2
 #26 
Hello everyone. My bunny Kirby passed away this Wednesday and I am a mess. He had an eye infection, then a urinary tract infection, at least we thought it was. Kirby lived in our family room behind the couch and his cage was always open because he was litter trained. Now I am struggling with being in the family room and every time I am in the kitchen, I look over to see if he is standing there for treats. My daughter is in college, my son is in high school and my husband travels during the week so Kirby was my unwavering company. My whole family is devastated because he meant so much to us. But this is going to be hardest on me. And I really thought he would just get his antibiotics and be fine. I wasn't prepared for this. In hindsight, he hasn't been his energetic self for a while and maybe I should have seen it coming but I believed he would be with us for a long time. He was 7 and Due to an article that I read, I believed he would live into his teens. I wish I had not read that. And the worst part is, I keep asking myself if I caused his death to come early because he became very stressed out on our journey to the vet. He hated going in his travel cage and I was taking him on Wednesday so they could help me give him his antibiotic. He wouldn't take it from me. They gave it to him and when we got home he became much worse. But he wanted to be by my side. He snuggled close to me on the floor, and every time I Moved he would inch closer. I petted him for a while then I had to run an errand. I checked him later and his breathing was awful. I thought it was pain from the urinary tract infection causing him to breathe that way. He was in his play tunnel just laying there. I laid with him and tried to pet him but he didn't want that. I went up for my shower and when I came down, he had gone into his cage and passed away. I can't get the awful last day images out of my head or the thought that I caused his death to come sooner. I am missing him on top of feeling responsible. How can I free myself from this?
moonmoon

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Posts: 17
 #27 
Jahmers- I think you should do whatever brings you peace and if that means giving a loving home to another dog then go for it! xx
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #28 
It doesn't sound crazy at all. I may get to that point some day and I believe Brandy will understand. Right now I know I will compare a new dog to my beloved Brandy and that is not fair to a new dog. I wish you luck on finding a new dog. Diane
jahmers

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #29 
I am struggling with losing Diva.  I think that looking for another dog is keeping in the front of my mind that Diva is not here anymore.  My ups and downs are driving me crazy~!!!!!!  In my last post I said that Diva would want me to save another dog and that gives me some peace about getting one.   Today I am feeling the loss so deeply and  the reality of her passing is hurting so much.  Looking for another dog is causing me to feel guilty and like I am not respecting Diva and her time with me.  I want soooo badly to hold her again and sit and brush her hair.  She loved that.  I had written some word of encouragement yesterday but decided not to send because I can't live up to the words I was writing.  I keep picturing seeing her take her last breath and it kills me deep down in my soul.  I have flashbacks of those moments.  Has anyone else experienced that?  If so have you found a way to keep those intrusive thoughts at bay?  All of the sudden without any warning I am reliving it.  I am so tired of missing her and crying all of the time.  I don't want to cry anymore and I don't want to feel the gut wrenching pain.  I have lost very close loved ones but I am having a harder time dealing with losing my precious little girl. :(      I really hate this.  Sometimes I feel so angry that this happened to her.  LIke I want to scream at the top of my lungs.  There are so many feelings going on but I don't want them to keep me from moving forward.  It is hard when I think  of the life we had together and that it has ended.  Feeling soooo sad tonight.  More tears....I want to quit crying!!
:(
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