Registered: 1534227642 Posts: 12
I came across this site while trying to find advice on putting down an agresssive dog or not. It tortured me for months and months on what to do. Being pulled apart from guilt and the unforeseen future. I finally realized that I could ask a million different people, but it would all come down to having to be my personal decision to do it. Three days ago I put down the closest thing to me, my dog Pheona. For months I felt fully sure it was what needed to happen. Since 2 years old (she turned 4 last July) She would charge at any human or dog that came into her path, besides a very select few that she had known her whole life. She was socialized as a pup and had been treated like a queen her entire life. I am paralyzed in my legs and had a very hard time handling her in my chair (she was an 80lbs pit mix).My vet thinks the aggression possiblity stemmed from her constant health problems and always in pain. She would finish medication and very quickly have something new pop up. I had spent over $14,000 managing her symptoms and medical problems to keep her feeling as well as possible, as often as possible. Her deminishing quality of life also made me feel it was best to let her go and not suffer. Im now torn from more guilt than I can hardly handle. Part of me says I did every possible thing I could. We tried one on one classes, me being up around the clock to give her meds, trying to avoid triggers, constant check ups, and trying to re-home her with months of no luck. Another part of me says I have failed and should have kept pushing.
Registered: 1237261022 Posts: 34
Hi kyeg, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Pheona. You have no reason to feel guilty. It sounds like you did everything you could to help your baby. her health problems probably caused all the aggression and you tried everything. You did not fail your baby, you set her free from all her pain and suffering.
Registered: 1534227642 Posts: 12
This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make. Thank you for being a friend. I look forward to more talks with you and any others on here that come to build positivity in times of distress. I am very fortunate to have found this community.
Registered: 1157161163 Posts: 1,821
Sadly there are times we simply cannot help our precious furbabies defeat the demons, all we can do is set them free so they can find peace (the demons cannot enter paradise) - just as there are times no matter how hard we try we cannot cure physical illness - we have seen your story before. Know you have done all that could be done and more than many would have. She has been given a precious gift - freedom from the demons that tortured her. The truth is your baby is sick - and it sounds like with both a physical ailment that could be seen and a mental disease (albeit likely from pain). And as with some physical ailments, some mental ailments cannot be successfully treated. You set her free. Even when we free our beloved companions from catastrophic physical ailments like end stage cancer we often go through feeling that same way, it is normal. Guilt is very often the 1st steps on grief’s path, but the what ifs and if onlys are simply our grief tormenting us. When we loose these precious souls why really doesn't matter - love is a shared bond and when that bond seems severed it hurts. But your baby will be with you always - free of the aggression she could not control - simply in a form you cannot see. You gave her a safe place and you love her - and it sounds like you have really really tried. Many would have given up on her, you gave her a lifetime of love and care. Please know you did try and in the end had no real choice - what were her options? Life in a cage? Intervention 'on the spot' by the authorities when things got too out of control? Someone scarred and her death happening at the hands of someone trying to stop her? An end that likely would not have been with ones who love her or care if she is frightened? You gave her a wonderful life where elsewhere she may have only known abuse, and gave her every chance you could and you tried to find her a home where she would be safe - and even that type loss hurts.When she passed to the hands of the angels it was from love to love, they carried her to a place where she is free of the demons that made her aggressive and at that instant she understood that you acted out of love and compassion. She is free and happy. Please know all you are feeling right now is normal and no matter what the circumstances are it is what we have all felt. i am so very sorry for your loss. Know we are here for you and your family. Sadly, we have seen this tale before and we do understand and we know sometimes there is no choice. When you can please share a photo. I feel certain there are so many wonderful memories with her, and sharing those sometimes helps. And if you just need someone to sit by your side - well you now belong to a family that circles the globe.
It seemed the day was even grayer than even the greyest of days. The pup found she was suddenly at the edge of the most beautiful place she had ever seen. She could still feel Mom and Dad's tears, hear their sobs. "I'm so sorry Mom and Dad, I really did try but the demons are too strong and sometimes they pushed through." She lowered her head and began to walk away, to be sure she did not deserve to be someplace so lovely. A radiant being in white suddenly stood in her path, surrounded by many other pups of all sizes and breeds. "Please," she implored, "I don't want to, but if you stay near me sooner or later the demons will win and I may hurt one of you. I don't want to hurt anyone, its best if I just go." The radiant being just smiled at her - a soft compassionate smile, at that moment they reminded her of her Mom and Dad. "I let them down so many times, I didn't want the demons to win but sometimes they do. And I left them no choice, I let them down and hurt them yet again." Hero, Seabreeze, Heather, Charlie, Molly, John, Stashie, Hershey, Samson, Morgan, Niko, Jordan, Timber, Dixie, Buddy, Tina, Snickers, Dizzy, Harley, Jack, Kimmi, Sammy, Fender, Tosca, Bruno, tried to gather around the newcommer but she backed away. Seabreeze stepped forward, "We won't hurt you little one." She looked to the radiant being and whimpered, "Please make them leave. I don't want to hurt anyone else." Now the radiant being smiled and actually seemed amused. "Little One, reach within. Can you feel that? Can you feel the demons are gone?" The little one got quiet and after a moment looked up in amazement, "They ARE gone!!" Then she looked at the others around her, "But I've done so many bad things, I don't deserve nice friends. I don't deserve to be in such a wonderful place." Now the others all looked amused. Dizzy spoke up first, "We all felt that way at first." Slowly Dizzy's words filtered in. "You mean . . . ., I am not the only one?" she asked quietly. Tina pushed to the front, "Of course not, all our humans had to make that same choice as yours. But now you're free - the demons are gone." The Little one thought on Tina's words. "What about Mom and Dad? Can I let them know I am free, that I'm sorry?" At that moment all the others grew quiet, the Little One looked to the radient being and realized they were gone. She looked to the rest afraid their silence meant no. Just then a large silver wolf walked up to her, she knew she should fear a wolf, yet, somehow knew she could trust The Silver One. "Have you all finished monopolizing her time yet? If you are done she still needs to be shown the reflection pond, to be shown . . " Just then the Little One heard a familiar sound, her Mom and Dad. "They are here?" she asked, and she followed the sound. She found herself by the clearest crystal pond, and when she looked into the pond she saw her Mom and Dad." Concentrate on them, Little One. Send your love and thanks to them - from your heart to theirs - and they will feel your love." the Silver One said gently. As she watched her Mom and Dad seemed to calm even thought they were still crying, and her Mom looked up at her Dad, "She is at peace now wrapped in our love." The Little One looked at the Silver One and the others, "Thank You." The Silver One looked at the others and back at her, "You can see them anytime you wish from here. The others will show you how to send them your love, Little One." (c) Candace 11/13/09 All too often people do not want to discuss this type loss, so those who experience making the decision due to aggression issues feel they are alone. All the names of the other ones are real – Fur angels we have seen at PetLoss because their parents had to make that sad decision due to aggression issues. i am sure there are other names also - newer names and names I have accidentally left out. We understand - know that you had no choice and we understand that you are in pain. But your fur child will be with the other fur angels - free of the demons he fought against so hard. ghattenwolf
Registered: 1534227642 Posts: 12
Thank you Ghattenwolf. One full day of becoming a part of this family and things already feel a little easier.