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SausageSpike

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Posts: 3
 #1 
My darling Sausage Spike collapsed in the back garden (I adopted him from San Jose shelter in 2007, I got him home and he has been my permanent love ever since through thick and thin) I rushed down and picked him up with his head flopping on my shoulder. I got him into the living room and he woke up. His gums and tongue were very pale so I got him down to the vet immediately. 

The vet came out of the room after looking at him and she looked awful. It must be so hard for them to give bad news. She said it was probably due to hemangiosarcoma. They had him in the oxygen tent where he was pinking up and they took me to the comfortable room which is when I realized that this was it. 

After a bit they bought him in and I was told that this wasn't good, he was pink when in the oxygen tent but immediately pale when he came to me. He couldn't use his back legs and was trying (I think) to get away from all the people sitting on the floor around him. 

They took him back to the tent and I signed the papers. The nurse came back and said she could bring him to me again before sedation and I asked if I could go back to the room he was in and she agreed which is not something they normally do. 

He was looking so agitated and I kissed and hugged him as much as I could for ages. I feel so awful that the last he saw of me was me walking out of the room. I should have said to him that mummy was coming back like mummy always does. 

They brought him to me in a blanket, he was sedated and I held him and told him over and over and over again that he is mummy's good boy while the vet gave him the injections. I held him for an eternity saying goodbye and I've been crying for two days. 

I have all his stuff not touched in the house. I have his breakfast still in the fridge and I can't deal with any of this. He was my entire life for 13 years and I just want my baby back. 

I know I did the right thing. I've read everything about HS and the other possibility, bloat. he was 15.5 years old with a heart murmur so he wouldn't have survived surgery.

I have so many wonderful memories, he was the happiest dog I've ever met. He's a terrier mix that looks rather odd and he made everyone smile that saw him. 

I'm trying to work and get things done but I can hardly move. I will get his ashes and make a place for him where he can look out of the window like he used to like to do.
pogosmom

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Posts: 228
 #2 
Dear Sausage spike,

First thanks so much for posting me back about Pogie.  I know this too must be a very, very difficult time for you and all you went through.  It is certainly the toughest thing in my life I had to do and go through.  It will hurt terribly for the longest time, but something I did to help was to think what Pogie would have wanted, and he NEVER wanted me to cry from pain when thinking about him.  Hopefully that will help you too whenever you start going to "bad thoughts". 

Unfortunately these little angels have such a short life, but they are each sent to a special mommy and daddy to help them through our life's ups and downs as Sausage Spike did.  You can hold those thoughts deep in your heart and have them whenever you need them.  He helped you, as you helped him, and you were able to provide a wonderful life right up until the very end when you needed to set him free from his pain.  That is the most honorable thing we can do for them my friend.  

Each day will get a little easier, but it will take time.  We never put Pogo's things away but instead left them for Bosgo who came to us in the spring time, about three month's later.  Save them knowing that Sausage Spike may do the same for you....sending you a "brother" or "sister" at the right time.  Then you can tell them all about their big brother who you saved toys, jackets, and brushes and combs from.  

I wish you peace my friend.  Take it one day at a time and surround yourself with people who understand the depth of your loss.

Pogosmom
SausageSpike

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #3 
Thank you so much. He didn't like me being upset so I've been trying not to be too much. I talk to him and his bed is in the living room where it always is during the day and I take it into the bedroom at night. 

I've been printing all the photos I have in case I lose them on various devices and looking at actual photos instead of on a screen helps so much. I'm also getting a little necklace urn so I can put some hair in. 

His ashes will come back to me and I'm going to put up a stand near the window where he liked to look out. 

I know that our babies had the best lives with us, you and me and everyone else on here.  Big hugs. 
pogosmom

Registered:
Posts: 228
 #4 
I am glad to hear that you are finding some things to comfort you and make you feel close, as you should be.  I have a heart necklace, and on it I have engraved Pogo's name on one side and Bosgo's name on the other.  They are my heart puppies and will be close to my heart forever.  

I was able to honor Pogo today and gave him his cards, flowers, and balloons.  It was about 15 degrees, but I always told him that I would get there on Valentine's Day, his birthday, and Christmas, the day he left us to go ahead to Rainbow Bridge. 

I too would be moving his bed if he had slept in one.  I think that is beautiful.  Keep doing things that comfort you.  Your baby is with you at night and sleeping peacefully by your side.

Huggies to you both!
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