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Davec

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Posts: 21
 #1 
i had to put my chihuahua to sleep 2 days ago. And I can't deal with it... Don't know what to do
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #2 
Davec,
It's really hard to lose a pet and the pain and heartache is so deep. Please remember the journey and cherish all those memories that you shared with your sweet Chihuahua. You did the right thing in coming to this site. We all have walked the path that you are now walking down but and we understand and can support you. None of us have the answers to make you feel better and make the pain go away but we can listen. Talk to us about your time with your sweet little one. I know right now you are thinking it'll never get better but time does help. Grieve and cry as much as you need to. Find a way to honor you little one. In time you will be able to talk about your life with your pet. You never said if it was a girl or boy or mentioned a name so it's hard for me to write about your post in a personal way.
Please share more with us
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
Davec

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Posts: 21
 #3 
Peanut was a gift from god.....my wife and I didn't have any kids together. She has kids from previous marriage...we had a female chihuahua and my step daughter's male chihuahua got together...that is how we ended up with my little dog....he was the runt of the litter.....my wife and I were there when the litter was born....people I work with got the other pups in the litter but I bonded with my little peanut....he came to me as a child comes to his dad...we would go on rides together..in the truck...he would sit right there with me as I drove...he greeted me every night I came home after work...he would snuggle next to dad at night...he had his own pillow in our bed....it would be me..my wife and 3 chihuahuas in a king size bed..peanuts dog mom passed last year....so now he is on heaven with her....we still had dad dog....but my little peanut...was the child I never had I would hold him rock him....make sure he has food before I go to work...he would stand on the end of the bed waiting for daddy to get home....he would give me kisses every night when I got home....he meant the world to me...my wife doesn't get it...because she got to hold her kids as babies.....he was.the baby we never had......
Davec

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Posts: 21
 #4 
Peanut... Was I gift from god.......my wife and I didn't have any kids... She has kids from previous marriage......my step daughters dog got together we a female dog we had....people I would with got the puppies but I kept the runt of the litter.....he bonded with me.......hr was the baby we never had.....and I treated him that way........he got spoiled.... He slept with us....even had his own pillow next to dad.....
Davec

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Posts: 21
 #5 
Boy his name was peanut
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #6 
Davec,
Thank you for letting me know that his name was Peanut. From a name like Peanut he must have been a little guy. I absolutely love Chihuahuas. The little guy that brought me back this site was a Chihuahua and Pomeranian mix. He was the love of my life, my heart dog. He was just over 16 years old when I let him go to the Bridge. His heart was so into living but his old and tired little body was stealing his quality of life so I let him go.I was suicidal for 6 months and just wanted to be with him.I felt life wasn't worth living without him and that was over two years ago. I have left go of the deep and debilitating grief and learned to live a new normal without him. I miss him every single day and will never get over the sadness of him not being in my life. I can only imagine that this is something close to what you must be feeling.
It's one of the hardest things we can ever go through. Living our life and missing the life we had. You will have days when grief will consume you and after awhile there will come a time when you will be able to look back and remember Peanut and smile. It's the journey that makes it all worth it. I made a memory garden, planted yellow roses (because Termy was my sunshine), I post pictures on this site of him and write to him. It makes his life live on forever and years from now others may read about him and know how much he was loved. You can write a journal, make a memorial for him with pictures and his favorite toys. Termy's pictures are all over my house so no matter which room I am in I can see his lovely face and smile.
The love you shared with Peanut will never die, because you will always hold his love in your heart. You were loved as you loved.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #7 
I am having a bad day today... Eating my lunch at work... And the tears just flowing.. I miss my little peanut so much....

pansy

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Posts: 599
 #8 
It's only been two days- the loss is still very intense.  I still have bad days after 4 1/2 weeks and break down at night knowing my big beautiful boy Leo (cat) will not be purring beside me on the pillow.  I do notice though that these breakdowns are becoming less often as time has started to lessen the pain somewhat.  I'm sorry you are having a bad day, I know how you are feeling.  The sadness and sense of loss is very real.   
Davec

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Posts: 21
 #9 
The only time I can get to myself. Is at work. it sucks.  so I sit at my desk and cry behind a computer screen.  Yes I am crying again today.
Davec

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Posts: 21
 #10 
woke up this morning 4 AM.. missing peanut...his pillow beside me was empty......I just starting crying again...….he snuggle next to me at night.....I got my self together....am just layed there till the alarm went off.... got dressed...got coffee, kissed wife good bye and then headed to work....I talk to him every morning on my way to work...I tell him how much I miss him and that I love him....I would always kiss my wife and my little boy bye before I leave for work......crying now while typing …….it just hurts so much.....I have moments that are ok, then I just start to cry.
goofygirlinva

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Posts: 1,191
 #11 
Hi Dave,
When I lost my Blackie, I cried so much. I cried at work, in the car, at home, pretty much anywhere. Thankfully at the time I worked in a relatively small office, so there weren't that many people around to see me cry so much. But I did, and I remember crying pretty much at the drop of a hat for at least 2-3 weeks before I could get to a point where I could hold off the tears until I was by myself. But losing Blackie was so unexpected and his loss hit me hard. I found that being by myself in a place where I could just let the tears flow at will helped a bit. It helped me release the pain and other feelings I had without having to worry about other people seeing me or noticing my puffy red eyes.

The pain is so difficult - our furkids are such an enormous part of our lives and we really don't grasp just how deeply they are embedded in every part of our lives until they are gone. And then their absence leaves such a huge hole in our lives, our routines, our hearts...

I'm so sorry you are going through this...

- Kelly
Angel Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom
Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #12 
I just feel so empty inside... If I could just hold him....crying again....
When I get home the house seems so empty....because he is not there to greet me.
Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #13 
I am home now...house feels cold and gloomy trying to stay busy so I don't cry
pansy

Registered:
Posts: 599
 #14 
I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time.  It's not easy to go through this grief.  We've all been there and I hope you have some lifting of the pain soon.
Kat_HCSWG

Registered:
Posts: 17
 #15 
Dave,
Hang in there brother. I’ve been doing the same thing. We just gotta keep our minds busy. It’s a horrible feeling, I never knew I could grieve this hard. My wife asked “did you cry like this when any of your grandparents died?” I replied no.
I think part of the immense pain we feel has to do with the fact that we made a conscious choice to end their suffering. As I type this, my eyes are welling up too. I can’t talk to my wife about it. She said it’s been over a month and I need to move on. I don’t think I ever won’t miss Hank.
Hugs,
Kat
Davec

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Posts: 21
 #16 
Oh god I miss my little peanut so bad today...….
Kschneid3

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Posts: 14
 #17 
Dave, I'm going on 15 days and I still cry several times a day. You are not alone, today and yesterday have been very bad for me...similar to the first 2 days. I too talk to max every morning I light a candle next to his urn and tell him how much I miss him. I'm not sure if these passed two days are so hard because I'm entering the acceptance stage where it's becoming more real and apparent he isn't coming home and that I will never wake up to him pressed against my back with his sweet snore.

I hope it gets better. It's ok and normal to miss them, we loved them sooo much.
Kat_HCSWG

Registered:
Posts: 17
 #18 
I’m sorry Davec, it’s hard to cope. I’m missing Hank, too.
Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #19 
I stayed busy all day...but now as I sit here on the couch...the tears start to flow
....wishing my little peanut was here next to his daddy.he had his own special blanket on the couch....
Busterbooboo

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #20 
I’m so,so sorry for your loss Davec.Ive just lost my little chi two days ago,he was my baby too,only 3 years old.Im not coping at all,I love him so much,I’m sleeping with his toy and smelling it all night,he was never away from me.He was so tiny,just like my baby.Im crying too,totally lost,heartbroken and empty.Inwant him here with me more than anything right now,it’s too painful without my everything 🐾
Kschneid3

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #21 
Hey Dave,
I know how you feel it's been 17 days for me and I feel like I'm regressing I've cried at everything for the past 3 days. I miss him so much and now I remember even more things we did and yearning for the feeling of him pressed against me or bullying me for treats and food.

I wonder if it's really hard right now because maybe we entered that acceptance stage of grief. I just hate this whole process and just want him to come home.
Emmajayne8

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #22 
Hello Dave, I can completely relate to your posts. It is exactly how I feel, we had to put my beautiful Labrador Benn to sleep on Friday. He was 13 years old and I miss him so much it really really hurts. I hope it will soon get better. Please try and remember all the good times and the huge amount of love you and Peanut shared it’s the only thing making me feel better x x x x
Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #23 
I just want to say thank you to everyone for....helping me threw this..i kept busy today....but the minute I sit down.... I find myself...reaching to pet him...the. I start to get upset again.....he always want to give daddy kisses when I would go and sit on couch....
Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #24 
I missed my little boy today...so much...……..I feel like a FAILED him...like it was wrong and only if I had done more...
catz

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #25 

I wonder how many of us think we failed them? I think it's normal to feel that way. We care and are good people that want to do the right thing...we give our hearts to them and they give back. 
The time we get with them is such a blessing and if they could talk to us and tell us things, it would be to not be sad and to be happy with the precious memories we had. The pain and sorrow we feel is the price we pay to have them. Sometimes that thought is not as comforting in the moment of pain, but remember the good times and the good memories, cherish those memories, as so many understand and never love as deeply as we do for our sweet pets. 

Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #26 
Every morning when I leave for work I talk to my little peanut in heaven....just to let him know how much I miss him. I think about him all day.... then when I get home from work and walk in the door.....the pain of him not being there REALLY hits me....I change my clothes and find myself looking around for him......it hurts so much....
goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 1,191
 #27 
Hi Dave,

It has been years since my Blackie passed away and about 1 1/2 years since Squeeker passed away. I still talk to them. Every day. I still miss them. Every day. Blackie had a couple of medical conditions that required daily medicine. One of my cats (Thomas) also has medical conditions that require daily medicine. When I prepare Thomas' medicine, it reminds me so much of all of the time and care I spent with Blackie's illnesses. Even over 10 years later, I still think back to the routine I Blackie & I developed around his medical care. I miss him so much more now that I'm going through the same things with Thomas....

I hope you are getting a bit better with coping over your Peanut's absence...

- Kelly
Angel Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom
Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #28 
I feel like this is a horrible dream. I keep wondering when I will wake up...….I go to work....come home....it feels like I am in a daze....
I don't know what to do....I go to home depot or Walmart or just to a fast food place.... I see everyone with their furbabies and I lose it and start to cry ….I hurry out get to the truck and start to cry my eyes out......I miss  him so much …...
I am taking melatonin to help me sleep....it works good... when I wake up in the morning I feel ok..then I see that empty spot on the bed and I start crying. that is how my days start out.....I know I am rambling on …..
Sophetta

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #29 
It has been two days since Sophia was euthanized, and 11 years of companionship, 17 years old, frail.  Dave, you are not rambling and merely your heart is aching for Peanut. We yearn for their little tongue kissing us, smelling their fur, holding them close and feeling their presence. This is my third pet loss and wish I could say it is easier, but it isn't.   And, yes, just sob when you have your overwhelming feelings of loss. I have Sophia's bed sitting in the same spot at bedtime, and move it into the front room during the day. Nothing has to be changed or removed until you are the one to make the choice.  Keep writing and know others are on the same painful journey.  Warmly, Deborah Sophia Bella's Momma
Kschneid3

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #30 
Dave,

You are not alone. Its been 3 weeks for me, and every morning is a constant reminder my Max isn't here with me. I start crying within 2 minutes of waking up. I light a candle next to his ashes and I start crying again when i get in the shower knowing when I open the door he wont be there waiting for his breakfast. Its truly the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Sometimes I wonder if moving would help because I wouldn't see all his spots he would be in throughout the day. Than I get upset thinking if he is with me in spirit, would he follow me if I move, or stay here? It's a vicious cycle that I feel like I'm going crazy and losing myself in. I knew he wouldnt live for ever, I thought I did at least and now I question it I ever looked at him like a dog or did I view him as a child that would outlive me?

But I direct my attention to, if he is here with me he would feel awful I'm crying over him because he hated when I cried and he would hate it more if he knew its him I'm crying over. Yorkies should live long lives and I dont know why his was cut short or why his heart didnt tell me it needed help earlier or develop later. 8 years together was and never will be enough.
Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #31 
Today...I was in hobby lobby.....saw the little best dog dad coffee cup.. And some little pet stuff and started crying in the middle of the store
Pathy

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #32 
It's been 8 days since I lost my pup, I also cry everyday. As soon as I wake up I miss him terribly. At work I try to keep it together but in my office team 4 other members have puppy's and listening to them going on about puppy classes is heartbreaking find myself staring out the window trying not to break down. On the drive home from work I see people walking there dogs and start crying again, pull over to "pull myself together" before finishing the drive.

When I finally get home I can see my husbands trying to look strong but I can see hes been crying himself. When I ask if hes ok , I get a yeah just been missing my furry friend. I work durning the day and he works evenings. so the furry one was his reason to get up. Now he sits in the house crying durning the day and pretending to be fine when I get home, I dont blame him as I do the same in the evenings once the kids are in bed.

I truly free for you and hope things will start getting better for you as well soon
Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #33 
I am trying to do the candle ceremony..but I am crying and have to stop for now..i miss peanut.......i judt wam
Just want to hold him
Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #34 
Today is my little peanuts birthday... he would be 11 yrs old today.....Happy birthday to peanut … daddy loves you and misses you.
……...I am crying on and off all morning...…...
I miss him so much …….

Chihuahuasoulmates

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #35 
Dave,

I’m so sorry for your pain and loss. I share your exact feelings and like others have pointed out...you aren’t alone. I had to let go of my sweet little female chihuahua just over 2 weeks ago and I’m struggling very badly. Even though she was getting older, it was unexpected and happened so fast. Also, next week it will be 3 years since I let go of my very first chihuahua. I’m still grieving him as well. They were my soulmates and my kids. I am completely lost without them. The feeling of deep despair and heartbreak is overwhelming to say the least. I would do anything to have them back. There’s something about chihuahuas...they really grab a hold of your heart. Again, I’m sorry you are going through this. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone.
Davec

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #36 
To all who commented I just want to saya BIG thank you...it does help me knowing I am not alone in how I feel about my furbaby. Sometimes I don't exactly what to write because I hurt so much inside. Reading the stuff on this site does help. I read alittle, cry alittle.
Mileymom

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #37 
How do you find comfort when the one who comforted you the most is gone.

For us losing our beloved Miley was a 7 year journey from when she was diagnosed with GME at the end of 2012. Endless rounds of cytarabine treatment every 23 days and daily cortisone usage became routine for our family unit. And now that routine is gone. Her little 1.9 kg body had been through so much and after all the years of treatment she was losing mobility, having hourly accidents and her dignity was non-existent. She would try so hard to get up to get outside but she just couldn't make it and I would be lying if I said I didn't get frustrated. That's probably what I feel most guilty for is the frustration.

I finally was forced to make the decision on the 11th of February 2020 and I will forever question & detest myself for it. I held her, kissed her tiny body as she passed and listened to her beautiful breathing one last time. I will never ever forget that feeling of the life disappearing from her body. When I woke up this morning I felt as if I was being physically restrained, my body and my mind are physically heavy with pain & grief.  

Logically I know that you are no longer in pain & that your fight was ended peacefully but I would give absolutely anything to see you again. Just for a couch cuddle, a chin tickle just time to tell you again I'm sorry that I had to let you go & that you are so so so loved.

Miley there will never ever be another angel like you, you brought years of joy & happiness to us. You were there for so many firsts & memorable moments, our first house, our first born two legged baby & the second one two. Your daily drop offs at granny & grandpa while we were at work were the absolute highlight of their days and granny & grandpa miss you more than words can say, not having you around your sister and brother anymore is heart wrenching & it has only been 1 day since you passed.  

To everyone going through this type of loss I wish you patience with yourself (& those offering you support) & limitless strength in the difficult moments of which I know there will be far too many.

Forever Miley's mom

xxx

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