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KassAmy

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Posts: 1
 #1 
I put my baby down a few weeks ago. He was suffering from cancer and had been throwing up and had diarrhea for a few days. The first night he started throwing up I rushed to let him outside and in the panic accidentally hot him on the side with the door. The next couple of days he seemed fine and statted getting better when on the 27th of October we saw he had blood in his poo and his diarrhea was very dark and my mum made the decision to get him put down. I was in the shower and found out about it half an hour before the appointment. It had brent horrible but after we got him out down I remembered the accident woth the door and searched up the symptoms and saw that it was loss of appetite bloody poo and bkack diarrhea which is what he had the day before and day of getting put down. I know he had cancer and he was going to be put down eventually but I can't stop thinking that I mat have been the reason the he decision was made and if I just had him checked before I could've known if the symptpms were from internal bleeding or the cancer. But I didn't think about it before he was put to sleep. We didn't get him cremated and only have few of his items still so I got a tattoo of him in my arm so he was with me forever and I live it so much cause he was my first animal I had such a bond with and was there through my main years of maturing and growing into who I am but sometimes when I look at it I feel so sick because it could have been my fault and I miss him so damn much. I do.don't regret the tattoo but since he was out down I've had horrible nausea and have barely been able to eat for two weeks even though it started before I got the tattoo I fear it may be the reason I still feel sick sometimes.

I know he was sick and he was going to die eventually but I didn't anticipate it to be so early and not have as much notice as I would have liked. I miss him with all my heart I nealty feel silly because he was my step ddas dig and I only knew him for 6-7 years while he was with him for years longet. I don't have the right to be so upset I feel lile an idiot. I have truly never felt this off and sad before, I just wish he was still here and as horrible as it sounds I wish that he seemed sick when we put him down or seemed off was even extremely ill the day of but he was so much himself and happy that I feel we could have waited. Sorry this is long but I needed to get it off my chest and see if anyone else is on the same positon. I miss him so much more than anything but I want to move on and be able to eat but I just can't. He meant so much more to me then I thought and I'm barely holding it together.

The last thing he done when he was put to sleep was growl at the vet who was injecting him with the euthanasia, a strong boy to the very end 💕 I miss you my boy
ItWillTakeTime

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Posts: 43
 #2 
I am very sorry that you lost your dog. It does seem unlikely to me that you would have hit him with a door hard enough to cause internal bleeding and neither one of you would have noticed it much at the time. The symptoms that you are listing are consistent with same kinds of cancer. Most vets would not put down an otherwise healthy dog. There is a window of time in which euthanasia  is permissible but not required, and the question of when to euthanize is a very personal one; but most vets would not just put down a dog that was not yet in that window. If his symptoms were not consistent with the kind of cancer he had, the vet would have noticed. Please do not accuse yourself anymore.

I put my dog down five weeks ago and have been spending time on the board since. What I have learned here is that regardless of the circumstances of the end of life of an animal that they love, people feel guilty about things that happened during the animal's life; guilty about the circumstances of their death; and floored with grief and loss. This is a natural reaction given how dependent our animals are on us and how very much we love them. When it comes to death by euthanasia, no one ever feels good about putting their dog down. If their dog seemed healthy and happy, they ask if they did it too soon; if their dog was in pain and suffering, they ask if they did it too late. Death was coming for your poor boy in the form of cancer; it sounds as if he had begun to suffer from it already (the symptoms you listed); and you and your mother cheated death for your baby and let him go without more suffering when he was still happy. That sounds like exactly what a loving dog parent does. And yes, it is very hard to do.

Now you are left with the grief and loss. Those are really hard, too. It will take time. Take care of yourself; this has been hard on you, too. Exercise will help with sleep. For me, it was like being hit by a train. Gradually, I am eating and sleeping again, but my dog was so intertwined with everything I did in life that I feel his absence everywhere. For almost fifteen years, he was my source of joy. We both need to slowly build new patterns, new habits, and one day find new joys. It is a slow process and it hurts. Hugs to you. You are not alone.
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