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pb313

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Posts: 104
 #1 
Our 10 year old Boston passed away yesterday. It was an unexpected and traumatic loss. He was something special. He sure knew how to love and make everyone happy. Like Cassie’s parents we have had lots of pets but old Raider was incredible. I find myself looking for him and trying to help my sons through it. They had grown up with him and he slept with one of the almost every night. If they were gone, he slept with us. I just can’t stop dwelling on the fact that he is gone. I feel I failed him. He was the kind of Boston Terrier that makes people fall in love with the breed and the only dog my boys remember really well. Will I ever get over this loss? Will I have the capacity to love again like this or will everyone be compared to my Raider? Broken.
Dogsarepeopletoo

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Posts: 106
 #2 
I am so sorry -- Raider sounds like a good ambassador for his breed. Bostons are so cute.

It must be a challenge to grieve for a beloved friend, and help your children through it, too. Are your children small? It might help to have a little ceremony in his memory in a few days with your children -- nothing fancy but maybe float some flowers down a river, or plant something in your yard in his memory. Let them talk about him if they want to.

I understand your questioning the future -- I wonder the exact same thing. Am I going to measure a future dog against the dog I had that recently passed away? I struggle with that question, too.

I'm a few weeks ahead of you; I feel a bit more in control that I was. A *bit*. It's a hard adjustment; there is such a hole in our hearts and our house. It is so odd when you expect to see your departed friend -- that split second where you forget, then the moment of gloom when you remember. I don't think we "get over it" per se -- I think we learn to live with it; someone compared grief to a rock in your pocket. Some days that rock feels SO heavy; other days you forget it's there; other days the discovery of that rock surprises you and you will bawl in the bread aisle of the super market. Hopefully some day that rock will make you smile with a good memory.

Hang in there!
pb313

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Posts: 104
 #3 
Digsarepeooletoo,
Thank you. My sons are actually young adults, 19 and 20, but the dog we had before was really my husband’s dog. Raider was their dog. We all 4
have had a really hard time. We will get there.

Thanks,
Paula aka Raider’s mom
pb313

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Posts: 104
 #4 
That is a good analogy. I am still feeling this rock regularly to see if it is real.
I just keep expecting him to come around the corner. Oh my gosh....
pb313

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Posts: 104
 #5 
Went to lunch today and all I did was cry. All I do is cry, look for him, sleep, and visit his grave.
Dogsarepeopletoo

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Posts: 106
 #6 
My childhood dog died when I was 18 or 19; I came home and was told he was gone -- I was devastated. In many ways, it was my very first experience with grief and heartache (that wasn't about a boy, anyway). I'm glad you have a loving family to grieve with.

Grief is odd how it gives you a jolt. I ate a banana this morning which seems pretty straightforward. But, I always gave my dog the end of my bananas and there I stood in the kitchen, bawling over a dang banana end that I had no one to give to. That dang rock loomed heavy and large this morning.
pb313

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Posts: 104
 #7 
Diigsarepeopletoo,
Such a strange feeling to just be hit with them being gone. I am sorry it was a rough day. Hugs.
pb313

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Posts: 104
 #8 
Dogsarepeopletoo,
I am sorry today was a hard one. So strange how those things sneak up on you. Hugs
Dogsarepeopletoo

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Posts: 106
 #9 
Thanks. It felt somewhat foolish to be crying over a banana but we all have those moments. It is indeed strange. I think it stems from routines that included your dog/pet. I think we aren't even really aware of some of them until they are gone.
skmk

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Posts: 93
 #10 
Pb313 I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my Dickens last week. It was so unexpected I think I am still in shock. I have anxiety and depression. It seems so unfair to just have him taken. People tell me well that's life. Well it sucks. I hope you and your family can find peace. It will take some time.
Bless you.
Skmk
skmk

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Posts: 93
 #11 
Dogsarepeopletoo,. You talked about sharing your banana with your loving dog. I did the same although not a banana. I shared with him apples,
grape tomatoes, my morning toast, when we had eggs I used to make him one too. Don't know if I'll ever be able to eat those foods again. This grief is horrible. I hope you are doing better.
Skmk
Dogsarepeopletoo

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Posts: 106
 #12 
Skmk: Dismissive comments like "well, that's life" are so not helpful.

My first experience with grief sure was a schooling time on what NOT to say to a person who is grieving; it became clear that many people do not know what to say which is understandable but just a plain ole "I am so sorry" and a hug works just fine.

pb313

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Posts: 104
 #13 
SKMK,
I am so sorry about Dickens. I read where he was your little shadow. Cherish the sweet memories. And those who say get over it is life have missed a great gift in loving that deeply. The other part is they simply don’t know what to say. I have no words to make things right for you but know I care and am sorry for your loss.

Pb
pb313

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Posts: 104
 #14 
Yesterday was a week. It was not as hard of a day as I had anticipated. Then today... I guess yesterday I knew it was coming and I had toughened myself up. Today, not so much. Glad he is not suffering though. I miss that boy.

Paula- Raider’s mom
rnj79

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Posts: 13
 #15 
Paula,

Today make one week and 2 days without our Abby. Monday was rough. Yesterday, I had this overwhelming sense of doom. Today, I'm just flat out sad. Why does it have to be this way? I don't want to cry or be like this.

I am soooooo blessed to still have our other doxie but hate having only one. And he is lost without her. Abby was our vocal doxie. The silence is beyond deafening at times.

I wish we could all hug each other tightly. But, since that isn't possible, I am sending you big hugs from Baton Rouge. I hope you can feel them <3

~RNJ79
Rummy

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Posts: 6
 #16 
Pb313,  My condolences to you and your family for the loss of Raider.  He sounds like a magnificent dog.  Allow yourself to cry, scream, yell, or wail.  Allow yourself to grieve.  I can only impart what my husband keeps saying to me, "This is going to take time".  

Sam
pb313

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Posts: 104
 #17 
Thank you guys. I do feel the love. And my boy is okay. No pain and probably playing tug of war. Sweet boy. We came home tonight and I hurried to the door to let him out to potty. Man it is weird. Raider, thanks for sharing your time with us.
pb313

Registered:
Posts: 104
 #18 
Missing him so much. I saw my friend’s Bostons this week and it just made it even worse when I got home to the quiet house. I miss his smile and the jingle of those tags. No smiling face is killing me. Raider was the happiest dog I have ever seen. Sure could use those licks I used to turn away. So guilty over that. The best dog ever and I took his love and him for granted. This is miserable. My sweet boy, you are loved and missed.

Paula
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