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Politelycalico

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Posts: 1
 #1 
Recently I lost my cat, Hazel. She was almost 7 years old and finally lost her battle with feline leukemia. I know that she lived a relatively long life for having been born with the disease, getting it from her mother. She passed away exactly 2 weeks ago and I still can't stop crying. I was away at college at the time and was unable to make it back in time before she passed. So technically this is my 10th week without her, as I hadn't seen her since winter break.
I feel like she might have thought I abandoned her and I just wasn't there when she needed me. Even now I can't get it out of my head and I can't stop crying.

I've had a history of depression and anxiety since I was 15 (I'm 21 now) and to be honest she was the main reason I kept going throughout my teenage years as my family wasn't very understanding of my mental health at the time. They have since gotten much better but even so, without her to welcome me home I feel empty and like I have nothing to live for. I would never actually kill myself but I have recently been suffering from a lot of panic attacks and crying spells that I haven't experienced in several years.

I thought after a while I might get over it a bit, but so far it's like she just died yesterday. I think that if I got another cat (not to fill the hole exactly, but to give me another purpose) I might get better as I always bond strongly with my pets. Unfortunately I live in a house that is owned by my aunt, who is not at all understanding of my anxiety or depression, and she refused to allow me to get another pet. I really just don't know what to do as even therapy is likely out of my price range and I'd been doing so good lately that I feel like that would be a huge step back.

I guess I just need to vent and see what other people may have done to help themselves when their pet died, especially when it really seems like that was the only thing keeping you grounded.
Karmacat

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Posts: 167
 #2 
Hello

Don't feel badly about your crying, it happens to a lot of us. Take me for example. After I lost my cat to cancer in Dec 2017, I cried every day constantly for about a year. And then regularly after that for another year more, even up to the present day. I was really shocked since I hardly cried before that.

I always felt like it something had gone really wrong, and I needed to get back to normal as soon as possible. That has proven to be not possible. I've learned that as long as our love for the departed fur baby goes on, the pain will always be there in some shape or form.

So my only advice to you is to just get through the coming days as best you can. Don't feel that you're somehow weak or a failure because you continued to grieve and cry over your cat for a long time. Because it is really entirely normal for everyone that really loved a pet.
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