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mthe08

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Posts: 4
 #1 
Hi everyone. I am having a horrible time and feel like I will never be able to move on with my life. In October my cat was suddenly diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma and we went on that horrendous rollercoaster ride for 2 weeks and then had to put him down. It was such a traumatic experience. All the visits to the emergency vet, the surgery, recovering from surgery, the blood transfusions, the internal bleeding. They said chemo would help him live for 9 more months so we did one round of that, which I regret now. Just the entire 2 weeks was a nightmare. I replay the entire 2 weeks over and over in my head every day. On his final day, I had to take him back to the emergency vet thinking he was having side effects from the chemo the day before. He really had another ruptured tumor and was bleeding internally again so I had to make the decision on the spot to put him down. While I was waiting for them to bring him back to the room I was just in disbelief and almost fainted. My cat was my soul mate. I started pulling on my skin, I felt like my soul was trying to rip my body off and leave, as weird as that sounds. That feeling has not left me since. I feel trapped in a nightmare. Has anyone gone to therapy for this? I don't know what to do. I have 3 kids to take care of and can't stay like this anymore.
buddy2k

Registered:
Posts: 103
 #2 
I understand exactly how you feel.  I lost my Lilly Dec. 8th. She had lymphoma & we helped her go to the rainbow bridge, at home, with help from a vet.  She died very peacefully, in my arms, after laying in a sunbeam for a while.  She was my soulmate.  My everything.  My sunshine.  She stuck to me wherever I was in the house - we were so attached to each other.  I am devastated.  I can't wait for the day, that the pain is less.  She lasted one month & one day, after her diagnosis.  If you are able, I think that therapy would be a good idea.  Having to take care of 3 kids would make things much harder.  I used an animal communicator, to talk to Lilly a couple weeks, before she passed.  Lilly had lots to tell me, and I found that it helped 'a little'...I plan to contact Lilly again, whenever I can pull myself together.  You can find them by an internet search, maybe in your area. I truly feel your pain - I am there with you.  Please take care of yourself.  I talk to my husband alot, about how horrible I feel - and it helps a tiny bit.  This is hard. Especially when they are our soul mates. Love & hugs for you.
kclaura

Registered:
Posts: 44
 #3 
I am so sorry.  When we make decisions to treat, and finally to say "farewell, I love you"  it tears at us.  
I can only imagine how devastated you must be feeling right now, in pain and numb at the same time.  
Can you find a therapist to talk to?  I know that on the main petloss.com there are some resources listed.  You have the additional burden of your children, and the holidays.  
I am mourning losing my poor boy to cancer just this past Monday.  And feel so badly for your loss.
I wish you peace, and healing.
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