Registered: 1589994701 Posts: 1
I’m angry at myself.
Today my jack russel dog Ninky died after a very silly mistake I made. She is very blind and has cancer too, and on top of that she was on heat which drove our male dogs insane. She would sleep in a separate room for the last couple weeks and would be let out into our enclosed front yard. This morning I put her outside to relax in the sun and go about her business. About an hour later I checked on her and she was gone, my dad had warned me about her getting through the fence but I was too stupid to not check on her. After realising she was gone, I woke my sister up while crying and panicking. I called my parents that she was missing and began searching for her. I was devastated to hear the sound of my mums worried voice while I searched up and down the canal and streets for our dog. An hour later I find her floating in the middle of the canal, dead... I jumped in to get her while screaming to hope she was alive. People nearby heard me and I just couldn’t stop screaming, hoping she was alive. It broke my heart to know one of our family members had died, and to know that my mum and sister would be devastated at her death made my heart ache more. I wrapped her in my t shirt and carried her home as my mother sobbed. I felt so guilty that this happened to her, I can’t stop the tears from falling down my face. The sight of my mother crying hurt me, I feel like a disappointment. I can’t believe this has happened, it feels like a nightmare that I can’t wake up from. People are telling me not to blame myself but I can’t stop it. It’s hard to know feel guilty for this, I was responsible for her going outside and I was the whole time she was gone. My mum has stopped crying as of now but I can see the sadness in her face. I can’t look at her without breaking into tears and I’m worried we won’t recover from this. I can hear the hurt in her voice as she tries to tell our family members about this tragedy. I don’t know why I am writing this but I feel it is a way to help my have a bit of closure. My oldest sister told me she’s in a better place now where she can chase birds and be free. I think that is helping me but it doesn’t stop the tears. Ninky was a very beautiful dog and very lively when she was younger. She has been in our family since I was a young child, I can’t remember a time in my life when she wasn’t there. She loved to escape the house and go for a wander when she was younger, but she never left us. Unfortunately this time she didn’t return. Ninky had a great life. I hope she is in a better place and doesn’t blame me for her death. I love you Ninky and I am sorry.
Registered: 1340344770 Posts: 394
I am so terribly sorry about your tragic loss : ( Please accept my deepest sympathy and condolences. Please stop blaming yourself--it was a mistake (and we all make mistakes)--not an "on purpose". There is a big difference between the two.
I am a Born Again Christian and I believe that the Bible is the Word of God. The Bible teaches that ALL animals--unlike all people--go to Heaven. That is where your beloved Ninky is at this very moment. She is no longer blind and sick with cancer. Instead she is running and playing and leaping for joy in the gorgeous green fields of Heaven. If you are not sure if the Bible is true or not please read this--you will not be left with any doubt that it is--
Once again I am so terribly, terrible sorry and will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Registered: 1589938926 Posts: 1
Please don't blame yourself xx She was elderly and had no sight and cancer, she left this earth free, on an adventure- not wasted away in agony of the cancer advancing and claiming her in a painful, drawn-out death. She has been saved from the awful fate of declining slowly of a horrible disease. She is free. You need to remember you gave her a good, long life. That is the most important thing; and the bigger picture. Not this. You are kind and sensitive. Xxx
Registered: 1589076816 Posts: 20
I am so so so sorry to hear about your baby. It broke my heart for you reading that and I know nothing anyone says right now will make you feel better as it’s still raw, but believe me when I say this was not your fault. You will kill yourself thinking what if I fixed the fence what if I hadn’t put her outside but none of what you did or didn’t do is your fault, you had good intentions putting her outside to bask in the sun, she was just on an adventure wanting to explore and unfortunately that ended in a tragedy and I’m so sorry you had to find her like that I can’t even imagine what you’re going through but please do not blame yourself. You gave her a long and happy life by the sounds of it considering all her special needs and you need to focus on that and not that final day. It will take time to heal, I cry every time I look at my own moms sadness over my dog and I had to make the decision to euthanise mine so don’t feel alone or like she blames you because it’s just because she’s gone and they’re a part of our family it hits everyone hard. This will take time to heal but try to focus on your good memories during these first few days, believe me the what ifs will kill you if you let your mind take you down that route. Try to stay strong, you have my deepest condolences I hope the days get easier for you. Xxxx
Registered: 1586719743 Posts: 9
Jamie, I just read your post and it is heartbreaking. I lost my little Maltese to drowning a little over a month ago (posted my story earlier) and am still mourning. Time is helping to heal the raw grief. I don’t think we ever actually get over the trauma of losing a pet this way but I am told we eventually learn to accept that this was a tragic accident. Our intentions were always to love, protect and help them as best as possible. Try to focus on the happy times, I know that is hard. Talk about Ninky often, don’t hold back your emotions, just let it out and cry whenever the waves of grief come. I have found that to be helpful. Ninky was loved beyond all measure, just as my little Rocky was, and they knew it. Rocky also was elderly, had trouble walking, seeing and hearing and was all sorts of meds. Your Ninky had cancer too. They both went out for one last adventure, They are free from pain and suffering.
I am so very sorry for your loss.