Registered: 1206414832 Posts: 196
I realized that after nearly 4 months after losing my sweet boy Herbie, I no longer expect to see him coming thru the kitty door or around the corner of the chair to come snuggle with me on the couch, or up on the window sill -- I no longer expect to see him sunning himself up on the back fence, or expect to feel him climbign up on the bed to sleep with me or paw me to be on my lap at the computer. I no longer look over to expect to see him playing wildly with his was pf paper or sock filled with catnip. I am getting used to him being gone from my life.
And it breaks my heart to realize this. Each day now, I feel a little more distant from that immediate daily, minute to minute closeness and intimacy he and I shared. And it makes me miss him in a whole new way. hard to explain. I don't want to be used to him being gone forever, but I know it is necessary in order to be able to move forward with my life. I miss him and it hurts so much to be so aware that I will never see him or hear him or feel him again. Just like with Belle two years ago. Herbie and Belle's Mom
Registered: 1178570509 Posts: 1,288
Dear Herbie and Belle's Mom,
I guess you are just going through the grieving process and this is one of those steps. You are starting to accept the loss and learning to adjust to your life now that Herbie is gone. As much as we love them, we somehow find a way to go on. It isn't really up to us, I don't think, it comes to each of us in different ways and different times. I understand that it breaks your heart that this is happening but you hold his memory close to your heart and he will always be with you. I know how hard it was to lose him and how hard you have worked to heal. Just know that the love will always be there... Helen
Registered: 1203951916 Posts: 143
I know exactly how you feel. My bunny boy, Audie, has been gone 4 months, too.
What makes it harder is that his sister is still with us and she doesn't seem as playful as she used to when she ran around with Audie. Audie's sudden passing was a real blow to me. My other furbabies gave me time to absorb what was coming and kinda say "goodbye". I feel cheated that Audie had to go so soon. My heart is still broken. I don't feel as if I can mend it together again and keep going. Every time I lose a furbaby or human, it gets more fragile. I hope we find peace soon. I think our babies need for us to be at peace so they can rest while they wait for us. Blessings to you, Bunnyhugger Charla
Registered: 1210879102 Posts: 13
Dear Herbie and Belle's Mom,
After losing my Cat Lewis on May 11 2008 I too am starting to get use to the idea of not seeing Lewis again which like you are experiencing and it hurts to really realize I won't see him again. I live in country and of course buried him here and have a marker with his picture on it and I visit it usually everyday but at the same time I have expected to see him coming across the field. I just had to shut the door to my office writing this reply to you because I am tearing up. Helen states it well Herbie's memory as is Belles' memory and their love for you is right next to your heart and always will be. They are special which is why we love them so much and will always be in our hearts.
Registered: 1198872932 Posts: 1,205
You are just moving on in your grief. Yes we get used to not seeing them in their favourite places, but you will never stop missing him. Perhaps Herbie is helping you to move forward, perhaps he is sad to see his Mum so unhappy. Whatever happens, you and Herbie will remain in each others hearts until you meet again.
Much Love Di xxx
Registered: 1197081544 Posts: 686
I know only too well how you feel. I think that the acceptance that they are gone is something we all go through. It is very sad to realize that we have grown used to that emptiness, but as you said, it is necessary so we can move on.
Your Herbie and Belle know how much you love them and they will always be with you. I wish you peace and comfort. Hugs Kate (Gus' mom)
Registered: 1208508336 Posts: 820
I could have written your post. The words and feelings are the same. Every day actually getting harder and I can't accept my loss. I miss all the things he did and there were lots. I have lost cats before but Ruperts loss was profound.
Have you written a journal. I found that tearful and therapeudic but otherwise I would forget all his funny ways and the things he did. I miss him sleeping on the bed at night and his talking all the time. Life seems empty now. He was my big boy and they give us unconditional love. No matter what happens they will always be in our hearts and memories. Nothing can take that away. Ruperts Mum.
Registered: 1205159567 Posts: 1,015
Dear Herbie & Belle’s mom – I write in a daily journal, and not long ago, I wrote . . . “I feel as if time is doing its job, separating me from that awful day when I had to say goodbye, providing some sort of buffer between the pain and sorrow and I don’t like it.” It makes me feel as if I’m dishonoring my little kitty Rusty, but then I think that isn’t what Rusty would want me to feel – I believe he’d want me to start remembering the wonderful life we had together – and that is another one of those things that times does for us . . . it helps us to focus on the happier memories, vs. the most recent sad ones. It doesn’t change the fact that our babies are no longer here with us, but maybe it helps to lessen the sharp edge of pain. About a year before Rusty left me, he had stopped coming upstairs to sleep in his favorite spot – at the very top of the pillows on our bed, (we called it the “king of the hill” spot.) It took me a long time not to look over at that spot – I’d do it several times from the bathroom when I’d be getting ready. Each time I’d look over there, I’d actually say aloud to myself, “oh, he isn’t there,” and I still do it, just not as often. Yes, it hurts so much to realize that we somehow get used to them not being where they used to be . . . but they will ALWAYS be in our hearts, no matter what we do, or where we go. Please know we all understand what you are going through and we’re sending you lots of hugs and spirit strength. With warm affection, Rusty’s Mom – Allison.
Registered: 1197250967 Posts: 258
Dear Herbie and Belle's Mom,
I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Every step of this process has it's own pain, doesn't it? It just hurts so much to be without our little ones and as time passes, they sometimes seem further away from us. ........Wow!!! I must tell you, as I was writing that last sentence, I happened to look out my window, which is next to my computer. We have had torrential rain and hail here in western NY for the last hour. As I looked outside just now, I saw a beautiful, vivid rainbow that ended in a fluffy white and gray cloud! It seemed almost close enough to touch! That was just amazing ~ I wish that you could have seen it. It seems almost as if it is a sign of some sort...maybe that our angels are closer to us than we think...? This is a leap and I hope that I don't sound too crazy, but do you think it could have been Herbie, telling you through me that he is with you? I know that you have no way of knowing that I am telling you the truth about this and there is no way to prove it to you, but it happened, and I feel like there is some meaning or connection. I just don't believe in "coincidence". I am sorry if this all sounds contrived ~ it must ~ but I promise you that it is true. It took my breath away. Please know that, as you move through your grief and adjust to life as it is now, your Herbie is with you. He never leaves. He is locked there in your heart. A special and wise friend on this site advised me to listen quietly for Max and I would hear him because he is right beside me. She was right. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you journey through this process of grief. While you do...listen quietly. Sending hugs, Joanne ~ MaxsMom