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Katyz

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Posts: 2
 #1 
The same fate took our sweet boy yesterday, something that was common enough in cats, yet nobody knows about.

I had been gone for 5 days pet sitting for my grandmother. I came home Monday night (September 2nd). Ozzy was purring as loud as could be. I hugged him and picked him up and cuddled him, everything was fine...

My mom normally slept with him. He was purring by her head, which he normally did almost all night. Around 3am on September 3rd he jumped down, which he normally did to use the litter pan or to go eat some food. That was the last time he purred..

My mom got up at 6am as usual to get ready for work, as did I. I was brushing my teeth, prepping for the day. My mom went to feed Ozzy, he was nowhere to be seen. She thought maybe he was asleep somewhere, but it was off, even for him. Then she heard the yowling. She looked under the bed. Our sweet boys eyes were all black, and he was laying under her bed, looking completely hopeless.

My mom then called me over, with my decent animal knowledge, to see what was wrong with him. I went downstairs and got some food, and semi coaxed him out..except I noticed he was dragging his hind end, something he never did. He got out and ate, before protesting in pain, trying to roll his half limp body underneath the bed once more.

Now, let me tell you, this cat despised having his paws touched, he’d kick and hiss and growl at you...I felt his hips, weak. I picked up his tail, little movement. I touched his paws, they were cold. I squeezed them, and he didn’t protest. I looked at my mom, I knew it wasn’t good. I demanded she call a vet, any vet at this point, we had to help him. He continued to roll, and yowl in protests of his legs not working. Being a CNA I get basics for respirations, his breathing kept drastically changing. I cried. I knew something was so wrong, he drug his body close to me and put his head on my foot as I sit on the floor by him sobbing. I picked him up and he held me with what strength he could..

My mom finally got a vet appointment..we changed and got ready to leave. I grabbed his favorite blanket that lay on my bed, telling my mom that it would help him. Now, this is also the type of cat that would need oven mitts to be seen by a vet, he hated it. He’d growl and hiss as soon as he was in a car for peat sakes. But he didn’t. My mom held him, wrapped up in the familiar favorite blanket of his. I rushed the 30min drive to 20...we entered the emergency clinic..they took him back right away, he didn’t yowl, growl, or protest at all. His little green eyes and pink nose looked so hopeless, he was hurting so bad I could tell.

They sent us to a room where we awaited the doctor to tell us what plagued our poor sweet boy. She entered.
“ Were you aware your cat has developed a heart murmur?” She asked.
“No, of course not. He’s been healthy and vivacious for as long as we’ve had him, he was chasing a moth around the house like a bat out of hell two days ago” my mom replied.
The doctors eyes fell. My heart dropped.
“I believe I know what it is, but we need tests ran. I’ll suggest more then needed, but ultimately an x-ray and a heart scan will tell us everything” she concluded.
My mom shook her head in agreement, and the doctor rushed back out.

We waited for an hour. The doctors eyes told no good news. The x-rays showed nothing orthopedically wrong with Ozzy. Even from the x-ray, his heart was huge.
“His heart has enlarged way over the size of a normal cat heart” she told us.
“What does that mean?” My mom asked.
The doctor paused, “He has heart failure. Well clinical heart disease, but...his heart scan revealed his heart is abnormal. Along with the cold paws, weak immobile legs...he has saddle thrombus” she told us.
My mother and I paused. Heart failure, heart disease...what?! Why had nobody told us?! I was so confused.
“Treatments can be discussed” she said, “ultimately though he may never regain his legs. Even if he does heal he could throw another clot..his quality of life would be terrible” she told us.
My eyes teared up. My moms’ did too.
“So you’re suggesting euthanizing him, that’s what you’re telling us, right?” My mother choked out between tears.
The doctor shook her head.

I can’t believe this..I woke up this morning thinking I’d go to my 8AM class and come home and wash my car and do homework and....none of that happened.

The doctor looked at us, “I’ll bring him back in”.

Our poor, long haired, gray, green eyed boy...he had an IV. His arm was shaved. He lay in our laps, crawled to me. I picked him up in the blanket and sobbed, this can’t be happening...this isn’t real....

The doctor returned, “what would you like to do?” She asked.
“We’re gonna put him down. He’s too proud to die in agony, and it’s selfish. He’s in pain, he needs it to end” my mom sobbed. The doctor nodded, tears beginning in her eyes as well.

I clung to him. I couldn’t let go. I had put my grandmas cat down just 10 months ago for her. I couldn’t watch it again, not for my boy, not him...not the same cat I clung to and cried over ex boyfriends, bullies from school, bad days at work...not him.

My mom and I held him. Agreeing to cremate him, and bury him later. My mother signed the papers. I lay Ozzy and the blanket on the table. I lay my head on him, stroking his head. He didn’t protest, his breathing was soft. The vets added another IV, he didn’t even look up. Instead, he laid down, telling us it was okay. It wasn’t okay, it’s not okay...but it was. Him not fighting told me he wasn’t okay, and this decision had to be okay for him.

My mom sat behind me on a bench. They described what would happen, I nodded - knowing the drill. I lay my hand under his head. I continued stroking his now weakened body. My poor poor baby....

They came in with the syringes. His green eyes looked at the doctor, “I’m sorry pretty boy” she whispered, “it’ll all go away soon”.
“Are you ready?” She asked my mother and I.
We both nodded.
She moved out his paw, with no protest from him, and she administered the sedation. His body went limp. I hid my eyes in his fur, crying. She then administered the syringe that would end his pain...all the while I’m crying, clinging to his poor body.
“He’s gone” she said, and quietly left the room. I cling to him as long as I could. Stroking him, petting him for the last time. I picked up his lifeless body and removed his favorite blanket, folding it, knowing I’d never be able to use it again because of what happened.

I kissed his head, stroking his body one last time. My mother did the same. The tears then unraveled, unable to be held in. We were both bawling as we left the emergency vet center. I drove home, saying nothing as tears streamed down my face.

The past two days I look for him, I’m not sure why. His blanket is folded in my closet, never to be used again. I expect paws to be rubbing on my door at night, telling me to let him in. I expect to see him sitting in the kitchen when I walk downstairs. I expect to see him walking into the living room when I’m laying on the couch. But he never comes.

I woke up on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2019...thinking it would be a normal day. It wasn’t. First I was hoping he’d just strained a muscle...next thing I knew, our poor boy was dying. His heart had enlarged, and threw a clot, weakening both his legs. He had tried to walk, but his legs couldn’t hold him and he’d just fall. Saddle thrombus can come about suddenly, and has no certain cure yet. It’s also arguably one of the most painful things a cat can go through, even over breaking bones. The decision to save him from the pain was right, it doesn’t feel it...but his suffering was far worse then my selfishness to not be ready for him to leave. We knew he wanted it because he didn’t fight, he didn’t purr, he just wanted us to hold him, and believe me, I clung to him, until his very last breath.

I didn’t wake up thinking I’d be putting my childhood cat down. But it happened, and even now I sob and sob, scrolling through pictures of our sweet sweet Ozzy. Saddle thrombus took him, and I’m thankful for the 12 years we got, but they were not enough. I’d do anything to see him again.

I’ll see you on the other side of the rainbow bridge Ozzy. I love you, forever and always, our sweet sweet boy💙
twinkiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 782
 #2 
I am so so sorry. As someone with a clotting disorder I know he was in incredible pain. There was no way for you to know about his enlarged heart, no way to prevent this from happening. Ozzy had a wonderful life with you, a good home filled with love. In time you will be able to look back at your lives together with smiles and yes, even laughter as you remember all the silly and sweet things Izzy would do. Right now let your tears flow and be good to yourselves as you begin the journey towards healing. You can't hold him in your arms but he lives on in your heart and I believe you will be together again, never to be parted. We are here for you to offer comfort and support whenever you need us, many times our tears flow with yours. Again I am so sorry.

Twinkiesmom
Katyz

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #3 
It’s really hard, I’m not gonna lie. I really don’t feel okay, I just want my boy back..
goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 1,125
 #4 
Katy, I am so very sorry you are going through this. It is so painful to lose one you love so suddenly. You feel as though your heart is just breaking and there isn't a thing you can do to bring your beloved boy back. I was like that when my precious Blackie died on the way to the emergency vet in the middle of the night. I suspect he had the same thing happen to him as your Ozzy. Unfortunately, we never know what has happened with these conditions until it is too late to treat it. I remember crying on the drive back home from the emergency vet after my Blackie was gone. I was sobbing and all I could say is I want my Blackie back. That's all I wanted for the longest time, and of course I never got my wish. But I do have memories of the time we were blessed to be together and although it will never be enough and although it took me well over a year before I could talk about Blackie without breaking down in tears, I can now smile when I think of the life we shared and the love we had for each other. I hope the same will eventually be true for you...

Hugs...
- Kelly
Angel Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom
Feathers

Registered:
Posts: 11
 #5 
Katyz,
I had tears running down my face when I read your message. I felt the same when I lost my 2 pets within 5 months. One had a heart attack in front of me, the other we had euthanized after a 2 week hospitalization at the vet from a bladder infection that wouldn't respond to antibiotics. It has been a year since I lost my Petey, and only 8 months since losing Scooter. I was inconsolable for months and even now tear up when I think of them. Know you are not alone in your pain. The intensity of your grief will lessen some in time. I don't think I could have survived if it didn't. Please know everyone here has felt the pain in losing a pet and we are here for you.
Attending the online ceremony on the Monday after they died helped me a lot.
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