Registered: 1191469066 Posts: 51
To My Sweet Grey Boy: Tomorrow will be 31 weeks since you left for your next journey through life. They say that time heals all wounds and pain. Then why, has time bypassed me and left me with the grief and guilt that I feel for letting you go? You were and always will be my soul, heart, and world. There will never be a day that I dont think of you and how much I love you and wish for just one more day with you. Now, as I write this the tears will begin and they will flow throughout the day. I have tried everything possible to find solace in your reasons for leaving me. I have tried to make myself believe that it was time for you to be brought back to your Creator so that you may teach others how wonderful it is to be loved as much as you are. I miss you so much; Mittens misses you and even now after all this time, he still has a hard time accepting that you are gone. He has gone through some very difficult times without you and there was a time that we almost lost him too. He got so sick after you left and it was thought that he couldnt deal with the stress of trying to find you and not being able to understand why you left or where you had gone. He has become different. Since you left, he has become withdrawn and stays to himself. We both have. You taught me so much; more than I ever thought you would. I am so sorry for not being able to protect you from life's illnesses. There are times that I think how could I have missed the signs? How could I have allowed one of the most deadly illnesses take you away from me? You were my boy Sam and you always will be. I cannot speak of the pain that I go through to anyone anymore. I get told to "let Sam go" or, "Sam's not here, he is in a better place." How can that be true? There was, nor will there ever be a better place for you to be, than with me. I am so very sorry Sam for letting you go and not realizing the pain that you were feeling inside. I ask for your forgiveness each day and I ask for it silently. I look to the sky and wonder where you are and if you are being taken care of the way you should be. I look at your picture and cry and wish for just one more time to tell you how much you are loved and adored. If I could turn back time and bring you back, I would. I would give my life to have just a few minutes with you to hold you and comfort you and tell you that I will be with you each step of the way when you continue onto through your journey. There are times that the sun streams in the places that you loved to sit and I think how you would have run to that spot and laid for hours. If I could capture that stream of sunlight for you and send it with all my love attached, I would. For now, I can only think and hope that you have found that stream of light wherever you are. Remember me Sam as I will always remember you. The light of your life will remain forever glowing within my heart. I will keep you with me through memories. I love you so much my sweet boy. I am so very sorry for not protecting you and keeping you with me longer. Please forgive me Sam.
Registered: 1198872932 Posts: 1,205
Never doubt that your Beautiful boy has found the light, he went straight to it, animals always do. They have such pure and innocent souls, they are much more spiritual than humans.
Your little guy is just so handsome, I am sure that my 4 girls at the Bridge will have sought him out, they are such flirts. I am so sorry that you are hurting so much and are blaming yourself still. People always say it gets better with time, and it does for some, but not others. Take your time with your grief, nobody has the right to tell you to stop. You come here whenever you feel like it, you will never be told anything like that, people always understand here. We are all the same here, not one of us would not give anything we had to have one more moment with our babies. It is so sad for us all, that it cannot be. To everything there is a season etc. Much love to you and Mittens, your Sam is safe and happy, and you will see him again. Much Love, Di xxx DEAR MUMMY, I LOVE YOU AND MITTENS SO MUCH, REMEMBER I AM ALWAYS IN YOUR HEART. XXX
Registered: 1194492978 Posts: 5,100
I am so sorry you are still hurting so badly about losing your beautiful Sam. What a gorgeous boy he is! I lost my beloved little terrier, Betsy, the light of my life, almost four months ago. I still miss her terribly, but I know the decision I made was the most merciful and loving thing I could do for her. She suffered from dementia and muscle wasting and had no quality of life at the end. I have two surviving furbabies that really needed me after Betsy passed. At first, it was hard to focus, but one of them, Ralph, a minpin, got deathly ill with grief and intestinal problems and I had to focus on him. He pulled through. The other one, Gracie, a black lab mix, is my court jester. I love them both with ALL of my heart and now shower all my affection on them. They have been my heroes in this tragedy. Mittens can be the same for you, I believe. No one ever can replace Sam, but I think Sam wants you to be happy and open your heart again. I will be thinking of you as you continue to struggle with this loss of your special grey boy. Hugs, Melissa Betsy's forever mom
Registered: 1208278231 Posts: 199
Very beautiful tribute to your baby Sam.
I am absolutely positive that your baby is in a good place right now looking down at you with fond memories of his mom and brother Mittens. He knows you love him - no matter how much time passes by - he will know you love him and miss him. He is with you and he always will be. Big Hug to you and Mittens, Piggy's Mom
Registered: 1204740745 Posts: 180
I'm so sorry. Your letter to Sam makes me cry because I feel EXACTLY the same way about Dakotah. Steffi Dakotah's Mom
Registered: 1206744372 Posts: 174
Your letter to Sam made me cry. I know how much you miss him and will always miss him. These wonderful creatures add so much to our lives and leave a whole in ours that can never be filled when they are called to the Rainbow Bridge. I lost my Sherry a month ago unexpectedly because I didn't know how seriously ill she was and waited until it was too late to save her. I miss her terribly and carry an enormous amount of guilt that will follow me to my grave. Peace and hugs,
Rena (Sherry and Daisy's mom) Taco, Carina, Belucha, Red, Stretch and Phoebe
Registered: 1197081544 Posts: 686
I am so very sorry for the loss of your Sam. What a beautiful boy. I know how much you miss him and the emptiness you feel. I lost my kitty, Gus, 5 mo. ago and I still miss him terribly. When God brings these amazing creatures into our lives, we know that one day they will leave us, but we are never prepared for the devastating pain that we feel. Your Sam knows how much you love him and he will live in your heart forever. Thinking of you, Kate (Gus' mom)
Registered: 1177131273 Posts: 558
Your Sam is such a handsome guy. I'm so sorry that you lost him dear. I know that it hurts so badly. Your letter to your Sam is so full of love. It brought tears to my eyes as I could feel your great pain and longing for your dearest Sam. You gave him a life that was full of love and a life full of the memories that you shared. Your Sam took that love and memories with him to the bridge. They will sustain him until you are together again. Huge hugs, Golda's Mom
Registered: 1191469066 Posts: 51
Thank you all for listening and understanding. The days of my pain never seem to lessen and the intensity of the guilt that I have over letting him go will haunt me until the day of my own death. I failed Sam so deeply in my pledge to take care of him and to protect him and nothing that I do or say will ever take back the pain that I caused him. I, too, never thought that he was as sick as he was. Sam was always known to overeat and throw it up and I always attributed that to his overeating. Unfortunately, it was found that he had lung cancer and so in essence my failure to save him and look for other signs caused him his life. By the time we found out, the tumor had taken over his esophagus and it was just laying on it. Each time he would eat, he would get sick. For as much as I love him, I failed him just as much. For that, I should never be forgiven. Now, I am in jeopardy of losing Mittens. Mittens is 14 years old and he and Sam grew up together as kittens. Mittens went through a very rough time after Sam left and now Mittens is displaying all of the sam signs as Sam. For a while they put him on medicines and I had an ultrasound done and they diagnosed him with IBD. He is also on hyperthyroid medicine at the level of 3 pills a day. He was doing well for a while but now he is back to throwing up a few times a day. For the most part, I can see it in his eyes, that he has just given up on life. I now have placed a call to his vet to see what she suggests. I cannot let him suffer, as I let Sam suffer. I am reliving Sam's death all over again and the pain is something that I just cannot deal with. Losing Sam was bad enough but now the possibility of losing Mittens is just devasting. Mittens was my life line to Sam. When I look at Mittens, I smile and think back to how cute they were as kittens and how one would never go far without the other. Now, I must wait for the phone call from the vet. Again.
Registered: 1191469066 Posts: 51
Mittens' vet just called me back and I have an appt for Tuesday to let Mitt go on his journey to the Bridge. Please, I beg you all to keep us in your prayers. Mittens will have his wish...to find his Sam. I pray to the Lord that he will guide me through this
Registered: 1207026279 Posts: 699
My heart is breaking for you, I am so sorry to hear about your dear Mittens. I just can't imagine the indescribable pain you must be feeling. You and Mittens are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend. Hugs, Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
Registered: 1197081544 Posts: 686
I am so terribly sorry. I wish I had special words that could make this easier and take away your pain. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet Mittens. I pray that he has a peaceful journey to his new life with Sam. They will both live on in your heart. Hugs and prayers Kate (Gus' mom)