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RaymondJ

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Posts: 15
 #1 

My dear kitty Samantha passed away last week, she was 17. I’ve had her almost her entire life, most of my adult life.

Her health started to decline a few months ago. For a while she just stayed under the bed all day and wouldn’t come out. I really started to miss her not being around the house during that time. The Vet tried many different things to help her and about a month ago she really came around and was more like her old self. So for the last few weeks she was hanging out with me like she used to.

Last Friday I was out with friends and came home around 10:00. She had me pick her up and she sat in my lap. We watched TV together for a few hours. That was the most she had stayed in my lap in a while. When the show was over I put her down and went to the computer for a little bit before going to bed. She came over and waited in her usual spot by my desk. Around 2am I picked her up and carried her upstairs with me.

She stopped sleeping in the bed with me about a year ago, instead opting for under the bed. So I had fixed her up a little cat bed. She laid down on it, I gave her a few pets and went to bed. About half an hour later she stated making noises like she was getting sick. I got up to check her and could tell something was wrong. She then collapsed on her left side and began panting heavily and was clearly in a lot of pain. I told her to hang on and I was going to get her some help.

I picked her up, put her into her carrier and got dressed. I then realized I didn’t know the freeway exit for the Animal hospital. I wasted some precious time trying to find the address. We finally got on the road but it was a 30 minute drive. When we were almost there I felt her take a couple of deep breaths and relax. At that moment I thought the pain had passed and she was going to get through this. When I arrived and actually looked at her I realized it was too late. I took her inside anyway and they started CPR. A couple of minutes later a Vet came out and told me she was not breathing and had no pulse. She said there are more invasive things they could do to resuscitate her but there is chance she would end up in a coma for sometime. I told her she was 17 and the Vet asked if we should let her go. I reluctantly said yes and they stopped CPR.

I am upset with myself for not reacting faster and I found out today there was a 24 hour emergency animal clinic in another town that was 15 minutes away instead of 30. I wish I would have known about it. I also realize it may not have made any difference.

At the same time I am grateful things worked out they way they did. I didn’t know she was saying goodbye to me Friday night but I think she was. I am also glad I was with her when she took her last breath. I wouldn’t have wanted to wake up or come home to find she had passed.

So I picked up her urn the day before last. Right now I have it sitting in her favorite spot. I think I will have to move it though. Too many times I have caught it out of the corner of my eye and for split second thought it was her sitting there.

-Raymond

Bobo

Registered:
Posts: 116
 #2 
Raymond, you gave her 17 years of life, love and commitment. You did all you could for her and she knows this. As time goes on you will think less about the last days and more about the 17 years.

I too did the same thing with the vet address. My baby had a ruthless stroke, I wasted precious time typing in the address for the vet hospital - 3 times! Then took the wrong freeway.  

Raymond, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your in the right place for understanding.
We all have that feeling of loss, the feeling that if we just did something else it would have been different.

Your in my prayers Raymond.

Bob
cwigg99723

Registered:
Posts: 628
 #3 
Raymond, I am so sorry to read that you lost your sweet and precious Samantha.
 
I agree with you that she was probably telling you good bye that last night.  I am glad you got to spend the good quality time with her. 

We lost our sweet Beagle, Bonnie Lou this past June.  We had her for 13 years.  I never would have thought that we would suffer so much over loosing her.  I knew it would be difficult, but not this difficult.

We have Bonnie's ashes in a beautiful little box.  I have it on a shelf here in the computer room.  I have made a shrine around it with pictures of her and a flameless candle.  As long as I am here on this earth, that candle will always have good batteries in it.  It gives me comfort!!!!.  I am sure some people think I am nuts, but I do not care.  We love that sweet precious girl with all our heart and soul.  We also said that the first one of us that leave this earth, Bonnie's ashes will go with us.

You have found the best place by coming here.  Everyone here is so kind and understanding.  Come back anytime!!!!

Clara  
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #4 
Dear Raymond,

I am very sorry your precious cat has passed on. You were blessed with 17 years with your little girl and you have so many wonderful memories.  I think it's very sweet that you spent so much time with her during her last hours.  She knew something was up and wanted to show you how much she loved you.  My heart goes out to you as you mourn the loss of Samantha.

Mare
precious Christoph ~ 2 years at the bridge ~

RaymondJ

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #5 

Thank you everyone for your kind words, I appreciate it.

As I sift through all this, if she was saying goodbye those hours before it happened (and in my heart I believe that) then my actions or inaction's didn’t matter. I keep thinking that with people you can call for an ambulance and professionals will come right away and take over. With pets, in most places, it’s not that way. I did the best I could given what I knew at the time and the time was 2:30 in the morning.

I am very much on an emotional roller coaster and right at this moment I am feeling at peace about things. I am sure I will be feeling something different soon enough but that’s ok.

I am also sooooo tired. I’ve not been sleeping and I think part of it is I am afraid of dreaming about her. Not a bad dream but that I will have a good dream but when I wake up I will re-live the pain of losing her again.

I dunno, intellectually I know it ‘just is’ and in time I will heal. Emotionally however, I don’t want this to be and I keep feeling like somehow she is just away visiting but will be back.

 Thanks,

-Raymond

mimiluv

Registered:
Posts: 100
 #6 

you will get threw the grieving process... and thats when you will remember all the good times you shared, yeah you will still cry time to time we are only human. and dont be affraid to dream about her! i believe them coming to us in a dream is their way of telling us they are ok. they are all waiting for us on that beautiful bridge! hang in there

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