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Chris64

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Posts: 3
 #1 
Last night I said goodbye to my 14 year old girl Pixie. She was a large dog (over 90 pounds) and I had watched her deteriorate badly over the last several months. It got to the point that she was unable to get up and get around on her own and was unable to control her bodily functions. I spent a good part of every day making sure she got up, ate, drank and went outside. I talked to our vet about euthanasia a few months ago. He told me her quality of life was poor but the decision was mine. I elected to take put her on medication for pain and inflammation in an effort to make her more comfortable. It worked for a while but about a month ago I noticed she was struggling to move at all. Last week while she was attempting to relieve herself her back legs gave out and she fell. While I was cleaning her up and telling her it was OK, she looked at me with such sadness in her eyes. At that point, I decided the time was right.

I decided to let her have the weekend so we could enjoy some more time together and prepare for a peaceful passage but it was difficult. When I took her out on Saturday she fell down at least 8 times while I tried to get her for a short walk. I finally gave up and carried her back home. When I took her out again before bedtime she again fell several times...it was heartbreaking.

When I woke up Sunday, she had soiled herself badly. Again I cleaned her up and told her it was OK but again I got a look that told me she had had enough. I took her to the pond (her favorite place) for one last time and we had a lovely visit.

Yesterday was difficult because I knew that was the day. We walked about half a block and she did OK. I started to feel very guilty for what I was about to do. However, when we started back home, her body completely gave out and she could not go any further. Again I carried her home and once again I got the look.

The vet came to the house that evening and it was very peaceful. Our other dogs stayed with her. There was no pain, no resistance, no discomfort. She passed very peacefully.

Considering all of this, I am still full of guilt. Did I act too quickly? Could/should I have done more? She was still able to eat and drink everything I brought to her so should I have let go on? I am now second guessing myself and it feels just awful. I hope she is in a better place now.
KatKat

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Posts: 171
 #2 
I'm so sorry.  There's always questions when we make the painful decision to let our pet go.  I believe you made a very loving decision and that it was the right choice.  I hear in your words how heavy your heart is.  I've had to make the same decision more than once and it is always difficult.  Your beloved girl knew how much you loved her and you said goodbye in such a beautiful and comforting way.  Although you have nothing to feel guilty for, guilt is a normal part of the grieving process.  Please continue to reach out, I have found great comfort in this forum.  Your grief and pain are acknowledged.  
Mimi23

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Posts: 5
 #3 
Yesterday, I put my 14 year old Italian greyhound down too. We are sharing that same pain. I feel incredibly guilty letting her go, especially when my dad told me he was thinking of taking her home. But it was so horrible to see her in that condition, she was miserable.
I believe we did the right thing. We do the best we can for our pets. We gave them the best life we could and we have so many memories. I’ve been sharing happy and funny stories with my family, which has eased the pain. But it will take time. Allow yourself the time grieve. And know that you are not alone with your feelings. My heart goes out to you and your family <3
Chris64

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Posts: 3
 #4 
Thank you for the replies. As pet owners we do the best we can to help our pets lead happy and healthy lives. We have to balance our love for them and our desire to keep them with us while considering what is best for them. I cannot believe that any living thing would want to continue when life becomes so difficult. I think our pets try to mask their pain to minimize our suffering so we need to force ourselves to do what is best for them. Although I am grieving terribly right now, I honestly believe she is in a better place and that is all I can want for her. We may make mistakes but as long as we are doing our best and we did everything we could to make them comfortable then we should take comfort that we did the best we could.
Squeakers

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Posts: 21
 #5 
Yesterday, I put down my precious cat.  I also feel guilt even though logically I knew it was time.  It's hard.  
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #6 
I am so sorry that Pixie had to leave. I know how hard it is to make that decision. You did it out of love. You didn't want to see her suffer anymore and let her go. I can feel the love in every word you wrote and Pixie had a wonderful and full life. You are always going to have self doubts, it's normal. You thought this through and her quality of life wasn't what you would want for her and most of all it wasn't what she wanted. She no longer suffers and is at peace. I know her pain is gone but yours just begun.
Your last weekend sounds so much like my sweet Termy's last weekend. I took him to the park he loved so much. Our walk turned into me carrying him there and sitting quietly with him and carrying him back home. The next day we repeated the same walk. I can still see him looking around the neighborhood as if he was memorizing every detail of places we shared. We make those last memories so that we feel we shared our love and hearts with them. I felt the same, the should haves, could haves, was it to soon, to late and all the feelings in between. You are Pixie's hero. You gave her peace.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
Chris64

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #7 
cosesmom: Thank you so much for your kind words. It is obvious that you felt the same way about your boy Termy. As pet owners we do the best we can. We may make mistakes but it is clear our intent is to do what is best for our furry friends and that is what matters. I cannot was tell you how much better your post has made me feel...Thank you.
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