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Jumping_Cat_Music

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Posts: 3
 #1 
Hi, first of all I have to say a big thank you to everyone who posted to this forum, reading people's posts about their feelings after the passing of their beloved pets helped me tremendously in the past few days.

We lost our beloved little back girl Kali, whom we rescued from the street with her boy brother Fred 4 years ago, on monday August 31st 2020. We didn't ask for a necropsy but the reason of her passing seems to be poisoning from eating the yucca which stands on the corridor of our apartment building. We later learned that she had coronavirus and probably had fip too (was showing no symptoms). We normally didn't care much about the yucca plant because she always used to chew on it in the past years with no ill effects. Maybe the coronavirus brought her immune system down, which caused her health to deterioate quickly and pass away in just 5 days... She didn't respond to any treatments including strong antibiotics and in the end we were lucky to be there during her last breath...

My wife, I and her brother Fred were devastated by her passing. I especially felt guilty and responsible for her death, for not caring about her eating the yucca... She was especially close to me (Fred chose my wife to bond with). She used to follow me everywhere, sit on my lap, eat, go to sleep and wake up with me. She was and still is a part of my soul. I'm still crying every morning when I wake up  and every night before I go to sleep, I just repeating to myself how much I love her.

Slowly I'm trying to come back to my normal self, I'll even go to work in a few hours. I feel like I need to, because she wouldn't want me to be like this I'm sure. Here are some afterthoughts that helped me not stay in the pitch black hole I fell into after her passing:

- Our pets know our hearts, never forget that. They know everything about us. I was not in a good place personally in the past few months. Almost no work due to the pandemic, I was drinking too much and not caring much about anything. I now see that I was taking everything for granted, my wife, my cats. I was acting like a selfish irresponsible kid at the age of 40. I feel like Kali sensed and knew this about me. She didn't want me to be that person, so i feel like she took all those bad qualities away from me during the long nights we sat together. She took them and that's what made her sick, and now she took all those bad stuff away with her. I feel like she saved me, she wanted me to be a better person; for my wife, for myself, for Fred, for everyone. For this I am forever indebted to her, this is her legacy to me which I'll carry in my heart and soul until the day we meet again.

- During the night before her passing (she was in the intensive care at the vet), I made a promise to myself that I would't drink anymore if she lived. She passed the next day, but now I know that she still lives with me, inside me, she walks beside me as my shadow. I'm eager to keep my promise to her, and to myself. This way her passing will have meaning...

- Let your soul drive your body, not your mind. If you find yourself in a guilt trip like I did, try to find a way to stop your mind. Human mind in very strong, too strong indeed. It just tries to find a way to justify anything and everything. Instead, try to focus on your soul and your heart. That's where your beloved pet lives, feel the love you had for each other. Everything else is insignificant.

- Don't forget there's a before and an after. Whatever happened is in the before, we are all now in the after. Try to be a better person, try to imagine how your pet would love to see you today, how happy he/she would be to see you happy and content. Start your healing process, care for other people, other animals, your other pets. Your passed pet now lives with you don't forget that, she's a part of you soul, and now you represent her in this world.

- Lastly, I think as our beloved pets' health deteriorate so badly that we instinctively know we cannot save them anymore, we walk alongside them to the door of death. Beyond that door, there's the land of the dead, and we are in the world of the living just at the treshold with our beloved pet. As  our loved one walks past that door, we are left alone, scared. We feel there's a hole in ourselves, our animal companion has just went away somewhere without us, somewhere we cannot travel to yet. At that point, we must choose to slowly walk back to the world of the living. And along the way honor our loved ones' by realizing the gifts they gave us during our time together. How we passed through the years, all the hardships, all the happiness and sadness. All together. And we must realize how they made us into the person we are now today. How they all helped us become our better versions. And what kind of a person we would be without them. This is our dear departed babies' legacy to us, and it must be our life goal to honor that legacy.

Thank you.

Muleymaggie

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Posts: 14
 #2 
I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. It’s so hard because we only have them for a short time in comparison to the length of our human lives, but what a difference they make in our life’s. These past months have been a struggle for all of us with the virus, but you’ve used the time of seclusion and the passing of Kali to reflect on life in a very real, but positive way. I think that’s a great legacy to Kali as it’s clear your life is better for having her with you. You saved her from the streets and gave her love, safety and comfort and she returned those same feelings during her life and going forward. They teach us so much about life that we get to use going forward. I hope each day gets a little easier for you as you adjust to her being gone, but I think it’s clear from your writing you will be fine...exactly what she would have wanted for her favorite person.
JLA

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #3 
Jumping_Cat_Music-

Your post is very eye opening and comforting.

I had to let my 14 year old dachshund go on Saturday...of course I'm feeling the usual feelings, "Did I make the right decision?" "Did I spend enough time with him?" On and on...

I hope you're feeling better. I'm sorry for your loss.
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