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Posts: 1
I said goodbye to my best friend Pre 2 months ago. My family got her when I was only 14, but she quickly became my dog as we grew up together. When I moved to a new city after college she came with me and it's been the two of us ever since. She was my rock as I struggled through my twenties, alone in a new town and navigating heartbreak and hardships. She was my copilot on so many road trips, always sitting in the front passenger's seat next to me as we drove crossed deserts and mountain ranges. She got into endless amounts of trouble - her hound dog nose found every scrap of food around, and she was stubborn as hell. But we understood each other in a way that I've never known, and in so many ways we were more similar than I probably would care to admit. 

A part of me thought she was invincible. After so many close calls with cars and fences and chicken bones in her younger years, she seemed like she could evade any harm. She was 13, and although arthritis was starting to slow her down, she still seemed so happy and healthy. I noticed her struggling to lift one of her paws one morning on our walk. The vet said it was likely a symptom of arthritis but it felt like something more serious. Two weeks later, she had a seizure as she slept on my bed next to me. A late night trip to the emergency room and subsequent trip to our vet ended with a diagnosis of a brain tumor, with no options for treatment.

I spent the next three days never leaving her side. We slept and cuddled and went on slow walks in some of our favorite spots. We went on car rides where she curled up in the passenger seat like always. Every night she had seizures that left her disoriented and fatigued, and the frequency was increasing. It felt like it wasn't fair to put her through any more pain. She'd never liked the vet's office so we called a service that provides in-home euthanasia. The vet was patient and kind, and gave me time to say goodbye. I held Pre close and petted her as she fell asleep and her heart stopped beating. 

I feel grateful that I was able to say goodbye, and that her illness wasn't long and painful. We had 13 amazing years together, filled with more adventures than I could count. She was a fixture in my life for so long - almost half of my life was spent with her by my side. It's been two months and I still expect her to come down the stairs to greet me, to be waiting in my car as we set out for the next road trip. Adjusting to a life without her has been harder than I imagined, and I find myself struggling with how to cope with losing her. As painful as it is, it feels good to know how much I truly loved her. I just miss her so much.

Posts: 639
Like you, I thought my dog Tum was invincible.  She was to me, so perfect that I was positive she would live into her 20's. When she died at 16 (I had her that long as I adopted her as a puppy and taught her to walk up and down stairs, how to sit, how to walk on a leash, etc.) I was crushed and devastated beyond words. We did everything together. I never drove my car without her. Even midnight runs to the 24 hour grocery stores invoked her. She came along and waited in the car. I loved her. I was perhaps closest to her than any person or animal in my whole life. I adored her. Pretty and smiley, she was a pleasure to be around. Her death changed me and my world. It was not the friendly place I thought it was. The darkness was intense and I wanted to die. The first time I drove my car after she died I thought I was going to faint behind the wheel. For past 16 years I had been driving with her. I used to pet her with one hand while I drove. I would reach over, you know. I couldn't breathe. Really, part of death had engulfed me. I felt as trough my entire body was dying.

Don't worry about it being 2 months and you still missing her. That's normal. You will probably be missing her for years to come. Missing her is supposed to be happening. That's what happens when you have a loss like this. It's not abnormal at all.

I am so sorry for your loss. Please keep posting and replying here to update us on your state of mind and how you feel. You can post as often as you would like.

I have had to learn there really is something called death. I never even believed in it. And I don't understand it.

You will definitely pull through this. But don't rush it. It can take a very long time before it becomes real. Real in a way where you realize it has happened. There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. Other than it is so painful there are no twords for it.

Big hugs,
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