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bornitz

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Posts: 5
 #1 
I lost my precious 14 yr old persian kitty Shana on June 6th. The wonderful vets did everything in their power to save her, but it just wasn't enough. She had a few minor ailments, but nothing life threatening according to her doctors. It really came as a surprise when it happened. I had her in the hospital for observation and was supposed to bring her home that Friday, but they called me in the morning to tell me that she had passed and that the CPR they performed didn't work. I won't go into details, but it was horrible what the poor little girl went through those last 2 hours.

The weird thing is that I went to visit her on Thursday evening (they permit visitation for hospitalized pets, which is wonderful) and ended up staying there for 2 hours, unintentionally. She purred the entire time and even ate kibble from my hand. She also did something unusual that I had not seen in years. I saw her staring at something behind me with that stalker look (kittens do this - their ears sort of lean forward before they pounce). So I ran my finger across the side of the examining table and she pawed at it. She hadn't play "chase the finger" in years. I don't know if she was letting go or just happy to see me. That was the last time I saw her alive.

I've lost a few kitties over the years and it left me very sad (especially my 16yr old diabetic calico Patches that was a trooper moving from NYC to LA when she was 15yrs old!), but this is nothing short of devastating. Even after 2 weeks, I still occasionally have pressure in my chest which feels like anxiety. As much as we love all of our fur babies (I still have a 5yr old tabby and 3yr old German Shepherd that I adore), is it truly possible to have one special pet that touches your heart in a way that no other ever has? If this is true, then Shana was it. I even had her cremated and her ashes placed in a photo urn which sits in my family room.

The best explanation that I can come up with is that my mom (who passed away over 3 yrs ago) hand picked Shana out of the litter and perhaps I viewed her as the last link to my mom. Weird, eh?


I dug up some old photos, scanned them in and created a tribute page to Shana which can be viewed at:
http://www.appleisp.net/~bornitz/gallery10.html

It was cathartic to do this, but it's still not enough. My other kitty (although she was 9 when I adopted him and they never actually played per se) misses her terribly. He snuggled with her. He didn't eat for the first 2 days, but is adjusting and eating better. Even my german shepherd misses her. I bought him a stuffed toy at Petco a little over a week ago and he usually shreds it in under a minute. He carries it around like a baby and sleeps with it.

It feels better just to put my feelings into words and in a forum where people understand how this feels.

Thank you all in advance for reading my story.
Warmest Regards,
Bonnie


rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #2 
So sorry for your loss.  You are right, I too have lost cats but the loss of Rupert has really rocked my world.  Turned it upside down and it has been 21 weeks now.  I can't seem to move on. His sister didnt have anything to do with him in the last couple of years but she was looking for him and crying for two weeks after he left.  Shana, like Rupert, took a peice of your heart when she left.  Other pets I have lost but none have made me feel like this.  He was my friend and companion and he slept on my bed.  There are so many things that I miss.  I wrote a four page story of his life and collected up all his photos to make some sort of book.  His ashes are in my bedroom but I can't touch them, makes me sad that his beautiful body is reduced to that.

Their spirits are all around us and with ther memories and photos we have to somehow find a way to move on.  As someone said life goes on but with a sadness in our hearts.

Thinking of you Ruperts Mum 
Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #3 
Dear Bonnie,

I'm so sorry you lost your precious Shana.  It's a shock when a beloved one passes, but to not expect it must have been devastating.  My heart goes out to you.  It sounds like your last visit with her was extra special, and probably that's the way she wanted you to remember her.  Yes, I do believe there are unique bonds and relationships that we share with our babies.  Not that we  love any less the others who may be or have been in our lives, but sometimes there is a special one that we connect with in a very special way, a soulmate.

What a stunning kitty - your tribute webpage is wonderful showing Shana at different ages, she was a beauty, and so adorable as a kitten.  I'm sure that her fur siblings miss her very much, too - it broke my heart to read about your GSD carrying his toy around like it was a baby and sleeping with it.

Your pain is understood here and we all share your grief. 

With deepest sympathy for your loss of your Beloved Shana,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
Loudpurring

Registered:
Posts: 774
 #4 
Bonnie;
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it can be. Of course your pets are grieving with you. How truly sad. I wonder what she was looking at when she was visiting with you. I think cats have a much deeper understanding of other things than we do. Dogs too. I hope you will not suffer to much. You really should not grieve for her, she is happy and at peace now.
bornitz

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #5 
Thank you all very much for your kind words. It really means the world to me. I am truly grateful for the 14+ years that I had with Shana, but it just wasn't enough. Isn't that always the case?

I think part of frustration comes from the fact that this is the 2nd kitty that I've lost in the past 5 years due to unknown causes. Shana had recently been diagnosed with early kidney disease and the echo showed only mild chamber enlargement, but good blood flow and pumping. The vets assured me that neither was life threatening at the time (2 weeks before she passed). I think that whatever was in her chest/lungs was the cause and the doctors could only speculate what was going on since I didn't want them to perform a necropsy.

My kitty Cleo who was 8yrs old simply stopped eating and even the specialists were stumped. The force feedings weren't enough and I had to put her down.

I promised Shana that I would be with her until the end and sure enough it happened at the hospital when I was home asleep.  I can't help but feel like I failed her again. I realize that they view the world differently than we do, but I sometimes wonder if my presence would have given her the will to live while they were trying their best to get the fluids out of her chest before her heart failed. These are the thoughts that eat away at me and I guess it will just take time before that subsides too.

Thanks again for all of your support. Bless you all.
Regards,
  Bonnie

bugsdogs

Registered:
Posts: 1,288
 #6 
Bonnie,

The photos of Shana tell the whole story, her beautiful life in a loving family.
She is absolutely precious.

I can understand the link to your Mom and don't think that is weird at all. There are so many emotions tied up with our loved ones. I am sure that Shana and your Mom are together again. 

That is why this site is so wonderful, you can come here and talk about your life and love of Shana. It has helped so many of us. I still come and it has been over 14 1/2 months and still need this site. Talking and sharing is so very helpful. I hope you come often.

Helen
HelenY

Registered:
Posts: 1,415
 #7 
Dear Bonnie-- I just couldn't believe it when I looked at your beautiful pictures.  Your Shana reminds me of my little guy, Purrsy, whom I lost 2 1/2 years ago.  How devastated you must feel because I've been there also.  Shana seemed like your special bond, and yes, I do believe there is one furchild that touches your heart more so than others. 
    My Teddy, the love of my life, brought me to this place.  I wish that I knew about it when Purrsy and his fur brother, Klaws, who died 6 months before him, had passed to the Rainbow Bridge.  But I'm just grateful to have this site now.
    I'm so sorry for your loss.  It's never easy and the pain & the grief take a long time to lessen (if ever).  Know that you're in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time.

                         Many hugs---Teddy's, Purrsy's & Klaws' Mom



                            
Mary

Registered:
Posts: 1,400
 #8 
Dear Bonnie:
I am so very sorry for your loss. I do believe that you can share a very special bond with one pet.  I am very happy that you had that bond with you sweet Shana.

We share our sadness on the same day.  My sweetheart Meister when to the Rainbow Bridge on June 6, 2008 also.  My heart is still broken and the pain is unbearable.

I know that Shana and Meister meet on the same day and they have made friends.  Meister was a toy poodle but he had 4 kitty friends from our children and he loved them too.

I hope you will find peace and my prayers go out to you and your sweet Shana.

Many Hugs,
Mary
Meisters Mom
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #9 
Bonnie--sorry for your loss of Shana. Yes, it seems that certain pets are more bonded to us. I love all of mine, yet the bonds I have with each one are very different. I suppose like certain people--there's a stronger connection for multiple reasons.
Take care and I hope Shana comes to you in a dream to tell you she' okay.
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