Registered: 1206744372 Posts: 174
I keep hoping that Sherry will visit me in my dreams so that I'll know if she's OK and can forgive me for being negligent in not taking her to the vets in time to save her. I can't get that last image of her poor little body jerking over and over and those pleading green eyes staring up at me as if to say Mommy I'm in a lot of pain, why won't you help me? That last image haunts me still even 21/2 months later. Each night I talk to her photos by her urn and plead with her to visit me in my dreams to let me know she's OK and forgives me. Unfortunately I've had several nightmares about her where she's dying and pleading with me to take her to the vets so she can live longer and share her love with me by her side. Then when I wake up the horrible reality of her horrible death and suffering assault me again and the reality that I'll never see her again and share our nightime rituals of burrowing and nursing that she would do each night until the last few months when she lost her best friend Daisy and my husband brought home a kitten without discussing it with me only 2 days later. Sherry was never the same again and stopped sleeping with me from that day. I can't help feeling that all that stress on her contributed to her illness as well as my denial about how ill she was. My guilt is still overwhelming and I don't expect that it will ever go away.
Rena (Sherry and Daisy's mom)
Registered: 1198872932 Posts: 1,205
I dont know what I can say to make you feel any better. Things happen, we dont know why, but perhaps we will one day. Please try to stop blaming yourself, I know that it is hard. Your Sherry loves you and always will. I hope that she will come to you soon, to give you comfort. Thinking of you. Love Di xxx
Registered: 1182281874 Posts: 540
Dear Rena, I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Sherry and the pain and guilt you are suffering thru right now. Guilt seems to attack us all in one way or another..some of us more viciously than others. Believe me I know because I have had a terrible time dealing with the guilt since my sweet Peanut passed away a year ago next week. I keep thinking that we made the decision too soon, like we could have waited a bit more and it seems as though you feel like you should have done it sooner. It is normal to have these feelings and for us to go back and "review" everything that happened and pick it all apart and think what we should have done instead. But what we need to remember when we are feeling really horrible about it is that we did the best we could at the time. We loved our sweet babies and all we wanted was for them to be with us. We would never intentionally hurt them or cause them pain or suffering. You need to let that go my friend. I am sorry you had to see her shaking and begging you with her eyes like that I am sure that is a horrible image. You need to know in your heart that you loved her and she loved you and she knew you would never hurt her. Try to replace those horrible images with the ones of her and you "burrowing" in bed at night together sleeping side by side comfortably and at peace. Plus I am sure she did not have resentment for you when your husband brought the new kitty home. She was probably just not feeling well and didn't want to be bothered by a playful kitten. I do hope your nightmares are replaced soon by pleasant dreams of your sweet Sherry. I have always wished that Peanut would visit me in my dreams but I really haven't had any dreams of her even though I think of her every single day and I miss her with such a heavy heart. She was my soulmate and I feel empty now without her and next week is just going to be horrible but I will get thru it as you will too. Please be kind to yourself and don't let the guilt monster eat you up, you need to let the guilt go and in time it will.
Registered: 1213243180 Posts: 4
My mother made me watch an Oprah show about guilt. There were people who accidentally caused the death of family members. One woman ran over her four-year-old grandson who she thought was in the car. Another fell asleep at the wheel and three of her children died. The overwhelming message was that we are all human and imperfect. I guess if they can try to work through their guilt we should learn to do the same. It is hard though, I know.
Registered: 1211823351 Posts: 1,569
Dear Rena; I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have posted on here before and I'm not an expert but I believe that the guilt is by far the hardest thing to over come when we loose a companion and soul mate. I also, as hard as it is, believe that is the first part, guilt, we need to try and remove. Everyone has a different way in which they have gone through this and there are so many wonderful people here that will reach out and try to help. But each story is different as we are also different. Each of us have you in our prayers during this difficult time. I also believe that the day will come when we will join our departed companions and we will all see we made the right decision or for whatever the case that caused us to loose part of our lives forever. I truly believe that when that day arrives all our soul mates will happy and there will be no memory of why, or how we were separated. It will just be joy. happiness and unconditional love for eternity. Prayers for you and your dear Sherry she is free of pain and enjoying her new companions.----Jerry in Oklahoma.
Registered: 1206744372 Posts: 174
As always you are offering comfort to me and others even in the midst of your own grief and loss. Thank you. Kdclair: I'm so sorry for Peanut's loss. He was a very special little man and I know how much you miss him. I hope that both of us can move through our guilt so that we can begin remembering all they happy times we had with them instead of focusing on the last days. It's hard but hopefully someday soon we will be able to. ImissyR: It's true that we need to try to work through the guilt feelings so that we can begin to honor our pets' lives rather than focusing so much on the end. JerryC: I sometimes believe that if our pets could come down from heaven to give us a last message it would be that they know how much we love and treasure them even now after their deaths and that whatever we may have unintentionally missed at the end it was an honest mistake that was made with the knowledge that we had available at that time not knowing what we do now in hindsight. That might also tell us that it hurts them to see us suffer so when they are not here anymore to comfort us anymore and to remember that they are waiting to be reunited with us again when it is our time to go.