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ItWillTakeTime

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Posts: 30
 #1 
It has been six months since I put K down. I am no longer in the "hit by a train" phase that was the first three months. Instead, it is now a long, lonely ache of missing him. I am still crying at home. I don't talk about it to because there is no point, and even those who would be sympathetic wouldn't understand that I am still grieving six months later. But spring has come, and spring and fall were always our seasons, when we would take long rambling dog hikes.

When I am at work, I want to be alone and at home. When I am alone and at home, I cry. I still have big attacks of guilt (the usual: did I wait too long? Did I give up too soon? Was there something else I could have done? All the times when I was too busy or too tired to play or too grumpy or too impatient . . .)

Life just seems so pointless. I feel as if I am going through the motions. That's the danger of making dog the center of your joy  . . .

"There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and Sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.
" --Rudyard Kipling
Jinxadz2

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Posts: 5
 #2 
I feel your pain I am going through unbelievable grief losing my jinx a amazing doberman. he died in my arms fine one minute then went down hill rapidly. I can't tell you anything on how to feel but your not alone...i miss my jinx so bad my whole life as gone..And the pain seems to be getting worse..but talking to others who have been through this must ease it a bit.and all the things you have expressed is what I am doing right now.I've not managed to go back to work yet we did so much before I went to work and after work...jinx passed away from DCM a silent killer...he was my world.
Loz

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Posts: 35
 #3 
To both of the previous post,,,,,,,,,,,
3 month since I lost my Berry suddenly to Hemangiosarcoma( Jinxadz2, what is DCM?) something neither she or us knew she had.
I feel EXACTLY as you do , my life is empty without Berry and I just go from day to day grieving for her and wishing I was with her. I too feel that my anxiety and depression is getting worse even though I am on medication and having therapy.
My heart aches for Berry, I feel I have lost a huge part of myself and I don't know how to get that back!!!!!!!
If I didn't have 2 beautiful grandchildren I think I would take the step to be with her.
Jinxadz2

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #4 
I cant get my head around not seeing him again we went for how normal walk i gave him he's food he was fine then it happened .i lost him he was my best friend a massive part of my life now gone ..I know how you feel and I hope you feel some comfort in the days to come my future is bleak at this time because I can't come to terms with it
ItWillTakeTime

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #5 
Thanks for your kind words and I am sorry that you are also going through this. One of the things I thought about sometimes when I had K is that my relationship with him came, a bit, at the expense of human relationships. Because I live alone -- it was just me and K -- I had to rush home every day to take care of him, so no late coffees or dinners with friends or work colleagues. I was more reluctant to make weekend plans because I felt that I had been working all week and K deserved my time and attention. I didn't travel as much to see friends or family. He was my responsibility and taking care of him came first. Like a working parent, I always felt a little guilty when I was away from him. Now that he is gone, the vacuum is profound.
Jinxadz2

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #6 
I to live alone and work and my routine was set around my jinx..I took him for his morning walk play ball then back home to eat and spend time with him before going to work.i would sneak out on a rare occasion to check on him or ask my son or daughter if they had time to...would rush home and be greeted with him barking at the door because he recognized the sound of my car and before anything out for a walk ..everyone knew him and he was a bigg part of my life...a massive void a numbness and huge loss as engulfed my life but speaking to someone who understands my pain and can relate to what I am going helps to thank you for taking the time to reply
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