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leenita

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Posts: 4
 #1 
We had to make the impossible decision to euthanize our sweet 2 year old Yorkie, Harper, last night.  She got sick out of nowhere.  Friday night she had diarrhea that was dark in color.  This lasted into Saturday morning.  Saturday evening she started throwing up and pacing.  I decided to take her to the vet ER.  They tested her for Parvo but it was negative.  They decided to keep her overnight.  The next day I went to see her and the vet let us know that her glucose was so low that it was not registering and her liver enzymes were elevated.  She couldn't even lift her head by the time we left.  They suspected lepto.  But she was vaccinated for that almost a year ago.  So they ruled that out.  On Monday her levels were continuing to trend down and they decided to transfer to Ohio State University Vet Hospital.  They did an ultrasound and were surprised that the liver looked good.  No obvious issues.  But her bilirubin was rising.  It was 8.  She also was getting glucose bolus because she was not able to regulate her levels and they were going to low.  She also had lost the ability to clot her blood.  They did notice on the ultra sound that her gall bladder was enlarged and she had a plug.  When we went to see her she was perkier but not great.  Yesterday we received a call from the internist.  They were completely perplexed.  Her bilirubin had risen to 12.  She was in complete liver failure and after getting several units of plasma she still was not able to clot her blood.  And her glucose was sill not registering.  The internist felt they had done everything they could.  She has a team of 7 doctors who did everything they could.  It just wasn't enough.  She was on 3 antibiotics, getting constant glucose and plasma but was not getting any better.  She felt it was time to have her put to sleep.  When we arrived, they had just given her a bolus so that she would be able to spend some time with us.  When she first saw us her little tail wagged, she gave us kisses and it was like she was almost her old self.  But as the minutes passed by she got weaker and weaker.  By about 20-25 minutes she laid in my arms and was tuckered.  I held her in my arms as the internist administered the medicine.  It was absolutely the worst thing I have ever had to do.  She looked into my eyes and she was so tired.  And I just wanted her to feel better.  It didn't take very long.  But it was so incredibly hard.  She was completely at peace.  I have not found my peace yet.  I cannot stop crying.  I feel so guilty.  I am wracked by guilt.  What if we gave up too soon?  What if she could have gotten better with a little more time?  Does she think we gave up on her?  I cannot wrap my mind around what happened.  She was fine.  And then she wasn't.  I miss her more than I ever thought I could. The pain is more than I ever thought it could be.  She was our first dog.  Really our first pet.  It took us 26 years to make the decision.  And she gone in 2 years.  I want to feel her lay next to me again.  To beg for food again.  To scratch my legs to be picked up again.  The grief comes in waves.  I hope that the pain lessens.  I don't think I can live like this for an extended time.  We are having an autopsy.  I am not sure if I want to know the results but maybe it would give me closure.  I am so lost.  Thanks for letting me tell my story.
Trullbrook

Registered:
Posts: 31
 #2 
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.  It never makes sense in the end.  I'm sure she appreciated and knew everything you did for her.  And it sounds like you certainly did.  Hang in there and do the best you can.

Peace 
leenita

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #3 
thank you Trullbrook.  Your words mean a lot.  Today I have started journaling everything I can possibly think of so I don't forget the smaller details of her sweet personality.  I think it is helping.  I am still crying but the crushing weight of anxiety has not appeared today.  I am hoping to hold it off.  
staceynix

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Posts: 14
 #4 
I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my Peanut. He was 7. I rescued him at 9 months. He was my world. He was playing and jumping around, licking me, loving me, letting me smush his face and at 4am he must have had a seizure and/or stroke. His eyes wouldn't look at me. His head was cocked to the left and his tongue was white. I still have that image in my mind. It is killing me... literally. I don't know how I will go on without him. The whole time this was happening I was on the phone with 24 hour Pet ER and he thought it was a seizure and told me he would come out of it.  I wonder if I took him at 4:15 instead of 6 would it have made a difference? The thoughts are indescribable painful. We will get through this together. She knows how much you loved her. I am praying for you xoxo
leenita

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #5 
@staceynix...I am so very sorry for your loss.  Your peanut sounds like he was the best.  I am so sorry that the last image you have of your little peanut is not a good one.  I am praying that it is replaced with better memories and images soon.  We will get through this.  one day at a time.
ReeReesMom

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #6 
I know how hard it is. One hour I was playing with Cletus and soon after I was picking him up off the road dead, not even a chance to save him, take him to vet, help him...whatever happened must have killed him instantly. He didn't even look that hurt???? I don't know what will help us get through it but my thoughts and hugs are with you....Cletus was definitely my Heart Dog. I hate myself...
So sorry for your loss too..
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