Registered: 1547824454 Posts: 37
Its been over a month now since I lost my beautiful Berry ( 31Dec 2018) and still have this massive grief and feelings of hopelessness. I've read books ( Heart dog), phoned the UK help line talked to my partner and doctor and NOTHING is helping me through. She was my world and I hate my life without her. Yes she had a fabulous life, yes she was getting on in years ( 4 days from 14) and she didn't suffer when she collapsed from a spleen tumour, hemangiosarcoma but I cannot move on.
Registered: 1546123300 Posts: 40
Month 1/2 for me now. Christmas day (2018)
Have been to my doctor twice, they don't care, been to 3 grief counsellors, phoned hot lines about 4 times just to talk. On anti-depressants. I actually lay in bed all day and night just reading. I don't eat much and " forget" about going out anywhere. My little girl WAS my world too. I find it difficult to even walk around the house, or look out in the backyard. So many thoughts. Hemangiosarcoma is a fast acting disease, I am so sorry. My Liberty had IMHA, due to her booster shot. You are very lucky to have had Berry for 14 years, my girl died at only 3 1/2 yrs old, and its extremely difficult for me to move on. We were just getting started on our life together, and I feel so very sorry for her not to be able to live a normal life span. Roxanne Hawn, Heart Dog, I looked for it at Chapters, but they didn't have it. Is it worth the read? We all grieve in different ways, some extreme and some mild. Mine happens to be very difficult for me to control, even my spouse has trouble understanding my feelings. Everyone says it just takes time, of course every one says "its just a dog" "get another one" I hate those people! I don't know how to make it better, or help anyone with their grief, if I can't even help myself but it does help to know that other people are out there who suffer as much as we do. Is it "misery loves company", No, its compassion, a much needed factor in this miserable society. I still cry every day, many, many times. It does not take much to set me off, just walking into a room where she once was. I pray I can get over it someday. Think of yourself as a very compassionate person who cares deeply about their pet and that's a good trait to have. I wish I could touch her or just smell her again, rub her belly or just hold her for one more hour. Tell her I love her and then let her go. I know the hurt your feeling, the visceral pain in your heart. Its agony. Its heartbreaking, its more hurtful than any human death I have dealt with. Again, I am so sorry for your loss of Berry, but be happy you had all those years, that's what counts. I am crying hard right now wishing I had at least more time with my Liberty.
Registered: 1547824454 Posts: 37
Thank you for your reply, it means a lot. I'm so sorry for your loss and that your beloved pet( sorry you didn't give her name)had such a short life. Its because we love and give our heart and soul to our pets that we grieve so much and hurt so bad! Its the worst feeling I have ever experienced and I've been through divorce, lost a baby that didn't reach full term and this feeling of loss, sadness and a state of hopelessness is the worst EVER! I don't know how to move on either, I miss Berry so much I feel a part , the best part of me has died too. Don't bother with the Heart dog book by Roxanne Hawn , absolute rubbish , waste of time! I too wish I could stroke Berry again, I talk to her all the time, sleep with her favourite toy Santa dog , cry myself to sleep. It was my 60th Birthday 0n 15th Jan 2 weeks after her passing and we had booked a short break in our favourite dog friendly hotel where she always enjoyed herself and everyone made a fuss of her. All I wanted was to be with my partner and Berry in the lakes on my birthday and it wasn't to be. I found this poem, If I could have one birthday wish , one dream that could come true I'd pray to God with all my heart to see and speak with you. A thousand words wont bring you back I know because I've tried and neither will a million tears , I know because I've cried. You've left behind my broken heart and precious memories too and though I cherish the memories , all I really want is you. I wish I could get some comfort from our amazing memories but I just become even more sad because that's gone. Hopefully in time I will come to smile when I think of her. Our song was Lianne Rimes Please Remember and its says Time , some times the time just slips away and your left with yesterday , left with the memories . I, I'll always think of you and smile and be happy for the time I had you with me. Have a listen to it on You Tube. Lets hope we both soon find peace and live with the love of our dogs in our hearts. Thinking of you xx