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Posts: 11
I thought I was doing better...but today I came home and it really hit me.  Layla is gone.  I walked in the house and my cat Tazzy ran to greet me...that never happens.  I usually have to go to her....but when she did, overwhelming saddness hit me and all I could think about was my baby Layla.  I hate coming home now....the house seems so empty without my Layla. 

When will this pain go away?  I miss her so much.

Layla's Mom

Posts: 657

Even the smell of my house changed without my dog.  The first day I smelled a stalenes like a house that nobody lived in.  This staleness nearly knocked me over.  IT is hard to explain but I know that coming home is horrible.


Posts: 1,400
Dear Laylas Mom:
I understand your pain and sadness over the loss of your precious Layla.  There will be many things that will remind you of her.  The daily routines and special times you spent together.  I can't tell you when the pain will ease but it will come in time.

I also feel the emptiness of the house.  I leave and to to family and when I come back it seems worse but I am hoping that in time I will only remember all the happy times I  spent with my sweetheart Meister.  Everyone takes there own time to grieve the loss of there best friend and I know it is not easy.

I will pray for you and your sweet Layla.  She is waiting for you to be with her again in happiness.  She misses you too and will always remember the great love you shared with her.

My prayers are with you.

Meisters Mom Forever

Posts: 2,245
Dear Layla's Mom:
Oh how I understand that overwhelming pain and sadness.  Christopher waited for me every day at the front door.  As I drove up to the house he would see my car in the window and go crazy.  When I would come in the door he would dance for me.  I would tell him "You are my man and I love you."  After almost 16 months I still hate going home.  As I turn down the road tears fill my eyes as I know he will not be there waiting for me as he did for almost 12 years.  It breaks my Heart.  I am so sorry about Layla.  The pain just goes on and on.

Sending Big Hugs and Prayers Your Way
Georgeann and Christopher

Posts: 196
I know that feeling of an empty house.  After Belle died, each time I'd come home Herbie would be sitting on top of the couch staring at the door waiting for me.  I'd never seen Herbie sad until Belle died and then two of the ferals that came in and out.  The one left always stayed outdoors.  After Herbvie died this past February, I could not stand to be in my house.  Even though I knew he was gone, each time I opened my front door, I'd momentarily expect to see him.  But I also can't bear to leave my house!  I still feel that "pull" to come home and be with him. 

A couple of months after he died, I remember seeing a little cobweb -- just one string -- across the end of a planter to the radiator.  I'd never seen one there before, not because I am a clean freak, but because that was a regular pathway for Herbie and Belle.  Herbie could come and go as he please thru the kitty door, but unless the weather was nice, he would check things out in the back of the house for a few minutes, and then come back inside to be with me.   This was after all his friends were gone and he and I became even more attached to each other.  But he walked all thru this small house, so when I saw the cobweb and realized it was there because Herbie was no longer here to walk in those spaces, I cried a river of tears.

I still go out to my back porch and just stare at the place where he and the others used to nap, play and hang out.  It's been almost 5 months, but the pain is still so severe.  The other night, the full reality hit me and I just sat on the back porch and cried so hard -- looking out at the rock where Belle and Herbie's ashes are buried just beneath. 

I so want to move from my home and city and have for a long time but could not because I had a feral colony of cats (Belle and Herbie adopted me).  I have one feral left but she was the wildest, but I am trying to tame her so I can be free to leave and take her with me.  I had decided long ago that I would bury my babies ashes out back in the only home they ever knew and I know how much they loved it out there.  I merely dug a small hole and poured in the ashes so they would always be a part of our little home.  I now wish I had kept their ashes in an urn and kept them so they would always be with me where ever I went.  Because I don't think I can leave here knowing I am leaving them.  I knew I would be in bad shape when they died, but I don't think I fully understood just how bad.  I thought I would heal in time and be able to move on, but I no longer thing that.  Perhaps if I were younger and more relilient, or if I had a husband to lean on or something else to fill my life.  But over the years my life became smaller and smaller, and I had only my babies.  I know it sounds pathetic, but it's the way it is and it wasn't my choice.

I pray for all of us that we keep our babies close to our hearts always, but that we are able to move on with our lives.  I think it's hard to do because it sort of means "forgetting" them, and that would break my heart.   But we all need to find peace -- I hope for each of us that we can.

Herbie and Belle's Mom

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