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aria

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Posts: 1
 #1 
hello everybody,

i haven't ever posted on anything like this before but i am feeling so bad tonight.

i got my bunny, bambi, when he was a year old and i was 17 (i recently turned 22), i was really struggling with anorexia and he unintentionally became a support system for me. about a year before he died, i started really struggling with periods of depressive moods and where my anorexia would kind of take over and it was really hard to look after myself. i stopped paying as much attention to him when this would happen so i was eventually planning on rehoming him so he could have the attention he deserved - my cat also slept in the same room as my bunny too, they got along very well, and my family members would always make sure he had food and water and treats on my behalf.

he died in october, 2019 and i am still not over it because i feel like i abandoned him.

i'm sorry if this gets a little bit detailed and horrible but i'm making myself sick over it, i haven't felt this bad or guilty ever, i don't think. i miss him so much.

well, the day he died, he was acting strange and when i went into his room, he was kind of convulsing i think is the best way to describe it, i picked him up and held him in my arms for a little while with a blanket, i stroked his head and his ears and he calmed down for about 5 minutes and then he started again, i think he had a seizure and when he died, my brother told me that bambi knew how loved he was because he waited for me to come and see him and hold him before he passed away and it breaks my heart and i feel so guilty and i just wish he was here

i don't know if this will ever get easier or if i'll ever not feel like a terrible human, it's hard to see the value in your own life at times like this
Butch

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Posts: 17
 #2 
We all have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of anyone else, including our pets.  It's obvious that you loved your bunny, and it sounds like you did the best you could to be there for him. 

One of the things I've learned, or am trying to learn, after losing my wild rabbit I called Sweetie, is how to have compassion for myself, the same way a friend would have compassion for me if I told my friend the story of my rabbit.  I feel terribly guilty for not recognizing how sick she was sooner, and not deciding to simply adopt her some time before she got sick and bring her inside away from all the dangers outdoors. 

Even people who have great compassion for others can have great difficulty in finding compassion for themselves, but finding that compassion and forgiveness for yourself I think will come in time, and you will be able to appreciate how much you loved your bunny and all that you did for him.  

I hope this helps a little bit. 
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