Registered: 1518803686 Posts: 2
Hello, new to the board.
I lost my cat Ricky on July 10, 2016. He was 15 years old and had cancer. I had him euthanized because it was the right thing to do. Since his passing, I've been terribly sad, and dealing with a great deal of guilt. The last few years of Ricky's life, I struggled financially and was selfishly wrapped up in my own issues. He did not receive the vet care that is needed during the senior years and as a result, he suffered. He had bad teeth and had lost some weight. Near the end, he began having nose bleeds. I did take him to the vet then, and the doctor said he likely had a nasal tumor and a poor prognosis. A few days later, I let him go. I feel so incredibly, horribly bad about this. Ricky adopted me when he was 11 weeks old. He traveled over 2,000 miles as I moved around for work. He was always there for me at the end of a long day. No matter how bad things got or how awful I felt about myself, he loved me unconditionally. He was often my only friend. And when he needed me the most, I let him down. It's been 19 months since he died. I did adopt another cat last June but was unable to bond with him (plus there were unexpected landlord issues) and had to return him to the shelter (something else I feel terrible about). Although I have a supportive housemate and have returned to working, life doesn't feel right. I can go weeks feeling more or less normal, then the grief hits again, and all I do is cry. I don't know how to proceed. I just can't get past this and feel like I am very slowly dying. Thank you for reading.
Registered: 1512692286 Posts: 67
Registered: 1518245506 Posts: 13
missj, I am sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like you and your Ricky were very close. 15 years is a long time to be together. I understand about the vet bills and financial struggles. There have been stories I have read of people spending over $10K and still end up losing their beloved pet. The what-ifs and should-haves are where I am at right now as I lost my love Emma Lee two weeks ago today. Those teeth cleanings, better dental hygiene, cheap food I fed her in her early years, so much guilt wondering if some of those things contributed somehow.
The one thing that is for certain is that you loved (and still love) your Ricky and that is what matters most. The fact you took him everywhere you went for work I bet made him very proud. He was there for you and you were always there for him. He loved you unconditionally and you gave him that same love in return. I hope you do find some comfort on this website. There are a lot of people here who have been or are in your shoes. Take care, Emma Lee's mom
Registered: 1518803686 Posts: 2
Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for your loss of Emma Lee. ((HUGS))
Ricky and I were very close. It's just been so hard without him. I've often talked to him and apologized for being such a lousy caretaker in his later years. I am ashamed of not appreciating him as much as I should have and prioritizing other things that really didn't matter. Now he's gone, and I can't change any of it. I'm glad to have found this board. The posts are comforting to read, and maybe they will help me work through this grief. Have a good night, and thank you again for responding. It means a great deal.