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Andee

Registered:
Posts: 131
 #1 
How do I deal with it, it just won't go away. Tomorrow will be 3 months
that I took my precious kitty to that vet who killed him. He & I were
away at the time & couldn't see his regular vet. Only now am I
learning of many instances of malpractice on his part, but it's the
guilt I can't deal with. I took him there. I brought him to be
killed, unknowingly, but I did just that. I was supposed to
protect him, and I would have done anything for him, he
was that precious to me.  I had no idea I was taking him
to a bad person. Every day I think how he trusted me and
look what I did to him.  This is unbearable to live with.
Anyone have any ideas?  Thank you.

~~Andee

deniseinbrasil

Registered:
Posts: 343
 #2 
Dear Andee,
I know so well that feeling. It is still very hard for me to drive past the hospital.  I really try to replace that regret with the knowledge I was trying my best.   My hope is that somedays these feelings subside a little more than other days.  I guess it is helpful that some mornings I wake up and it is not the very first thing on my mind, I only think of it a little later.    Maybe that is the sign that eventually the pain of guilt dissolves and in it´s place we can know we did our best.  I hope this for you.  We can never know what could happen step by step when we care for our beloved animal companions.
Take good care,
Denise
mw0263

Registered:
Posts: 139
 #3 
You took your cat to the Vet for help.  You knew he wasn't feeling right so you did what should have been the loving thing to do, you went for help.  You unknowingly took him to someone again I say for help.  The only thing you are guilty of is trying to get your sick cat help from a Vet who should know how to help.  It is obvious that you are in pain over this but you have nothing to feel guilty for.  I know it is difficult for you right now but you did what anyone of us would have done.  You needed to trust someone to help your cat and that is the only thing you could have done.

You did not do anything to him.  Your little kitty knows how much you loved him and also that you would have done anything for him and you did.  I am sorry that you are in this pain but please know that there was no way you could have known and at the time with the knowledge you had you did the right thing.

I will keep you both in my thoughts and I hope your kitty gives you a sign that he is okay now and that he understands that you did the best thing possible for him(finding him help).  I know that it is extremely difficult for you but be kind to yourself because your kitty knows how much you loved him.
Andee

Registered:
Posts: 131
 #4 
Denise and mw0263, I want to sincerely thank you both for your
replies. This is so hard for me to deal with, it's always on my
mind and I'm having a difficult time forgiving myself for taking
him to such a bad person. Your replies were very thoughtful
and helpful and I appreciate your taking the time to respond.

~~Andee
kamc22

Registered:
Posts: 1,910
 #5 
I'm going thru a version of this myself right now, though my furred one still clings to life.

We both did the very best that we could, at that moment, based upon what we knew then.

IT is **not** fair to look back now, with what we have since learned, to chastise ourselves.  We didn't know it then, we did the very best that we could, we acted completely out of love.

Our furred ones know this.  In human medicine, the CDC ( hardly a radical organization) estimates that between 50,000 and 200,000 humans die each year due to medical error, and that several millions of humans suffer serious and perhaps permanent damage due to medical errors each year.  I think that the same thing must happen with our furred ones, though there is no medical registry to gather and report the harm that occurs.

My little Whitney cat has been nearly killed by the medical "help" that I sought for her.  She will likely have the shortest life of any cat I have been blessed to share my life with in over 50 years.  But when I look back on what has happened, I wouldn't have done anything different, based upon what I knew when I made those decisions. 

Your baby's time in this world had come to an end, there was nothing more that you could do, nothing different that you could have done- or you would have!

Now you must be just as kind and as gentle to yourself as possible, to be as good to  yourself as your departed baby would want for you.  THere is no need to feel guilt, you always acted 1000% out of love.



Andee

Registered:
Posts: 131
 #6 
kamc22,

Thank you also for taking the time to reply. A lot of what you say is
true, I did act out of love and I didn't know then what I know now.
My boy wasn't sick. I took him in for a simple procedure, the vet
misdiagnosed him & what he did killed him. It was a shock beyond
belief. Now I'm learning he has a history of mistreating animals.
I am filing a complaint but the feeling of guilt for taking him
there in the first place is overwhelming. It's always on my mind.
I can only pray he knows I didn't know & I didn't mean to have him harmed.
He trusted me so much.

~~Andee

Sheila

Registered:
Posts: 55
 #7 
Andee,

Many many of us here feel guilt.  My Rascal passed less than 2 weeks ago.  It seems that everything went wrong that week, but started with me taking him to ER on Sunday instead of waiting until Monday to my regular vet.  A lot of little errors added up to the passing of my Rascal for which I am heartbroken.  I have tortured myself going over all the details.  I want so badly to turn back time.  A few people have told me that "it was just his time" which I try to accept.  Just today, I called my national prayer line and what that wonderful person reminded me of was "that God was in charge that week" - no matter what I did or anyone else did "God was in charge".  This has helped me.  We cannot control everything - although we would surely love to.  You made the very best decision for your pet at the time.  We all do that.  We love them so much and we want the best for them always.  It is insanity to even ponder otherwise.  You tried to help your pet.  I tried to help my Rascal.  Although I am heartbroken and wondering how the heck I am going to make it through this, I know that I really really tried to help him.  It seems that it was his time and if it wasn't then he would be physically here with me now.  Think about that.  For all there is a time and a season - it may not be on the timeline that we think if right or fair or just, but it is in Divine Order.  Although Rascal was my beautiful pretty boy kitty, nearly 20 years old, it was not a long enough life for me and his passing was unexpected.

So sorry for your loss.  Comfort yourself with knowing that your pet loves you and truly wants you to be at peace and happy.

HUGS,
Sheila
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #8 

Andee--This must be incredibly hard. I can feel what you're going through. When you trust a person to give you good care and it turns wrong. What a betrayal.
I've had more than 1 vet who's nearly killed my diabetic cat, through sheer bad medicine. Wrong doses, too high usually and other problems related. I became so angry that I had to pretty much do my own research and figure things out myself (of course after paying the vets all of this money to do the right thing). I've become bitter about it all, but try not to be. 

 I hope this eases up for you and you find peace. Your kitty loves you.Take care.

JPAndHerBoys

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #9 
Andee,

I'm so sorry for yor loss and my heart goes out to you. I have recently lost my little Maltese Rascal to smoke inhalation and very much am doing the "why didn't I take him with me when I went out? I always took him everywhere with me. Why now, why this day?"

And when we do things that may have directly lead to the death of our pet, it is even harder. Rascal's brother Scruffs was run over in front of me and I spent a long time cursing myself for not having him on lead. He was well trained and always walked to heel, never crossed roads without stopping and waiting to be told and we had walked the same paths and same way for seven years, so why now? There was nothing to tempt him across the road, no rhyme or reason to it, other than that it was his time. He knew it, he knew if it was an illness that had struck him down I would do anything in my power to fix it possibly dragging things out when he didn't want that. He chose to leave this sudden and irreversable way so we would not have to suffer more....I'm not sure which is worse.

Your little one does not blame you, although I understand the guilt you feel and time will help heal you. They often guide us without us realising it and perhaps as many say, it was his time. It is never enough time for us and we are destined to lose many we love over the years. Just cherish the moments you have with them. Penelope Smith, an animal communicator from the US, has released a tape about animal death and spirituality which talks a lot about euthanaising pets, accidental deaths, guilt and regret we feel as thei carers which might be of comfort for you. It has helped me deal with a lot of guilt I have felt about the loss of my animal friends.

I have spent my last two years training with Delta Society Australia to become a dog trainer and animal enrichment specialist and have learned so much about dog behaviour. Unfortunately also I have discovered the many mistakes I had made with Scruffs and Rascal as younger dogs. I was not able to do anything about this as Scruffs had passed butRascal certainly saw th benefits of it over the last two years and I know Scruffs would have been smiling down on us knowing he was responsible for it.

I can recommend a few things to you when selecting a vet in future and doing your homework is one of them. It is something so many of us overlook, even with our own doctors. I'm not sure what the guidelines are in your country but usually veterinarians must be registered with a national or state veterinary association. Perhaps contact them and ask how you find out if a veterinarian has had any law suits or complaints brought against them. Ask your potential vet for references from other clients. Ask local groomers, trainers, breeders who they would recommend and why. Check with the potential veterinarian how many vets work there and what each of their backgrounds and qualifications are and what the out of hours support arrangements are. And if you have an animal with a specific condition, ask the veterinarian association for references to a specialist in that field. I know we have specialists in or local area in all sorts of fields such as diabetes, cancer, arthritis etc. Talk to rescue groups and groups like Delta Society and find out who they recommend and always ask on what basis they wold recommend the vet.

This knowledge is a gift your beautiful boy has given to you and your new pets and although I understand it is hard now, and can be for some time with grief often extending up to 12 months, know that all of our hearts and thoughts are with you.


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