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DebsH

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Posts: 2
 #1 
I lost my gorgeous 11yr old choc lab Pony on Monday, to haemagiosarcoma. I'm a vet nurse, and we caught it early, meaning that he has had a whole bonus year of happiness, but losing him has left me completely heartbroken. The end was incredibly quick- a blessing for him, but a complete shock for me. I thought I was prepared, but you never really are. Until this evening, despite sobbing at the drop of a hat, I don't think I truly accepted that he's gone. Tonight I have had what I can only imagine was a panic attack at the realisation that he's never coming back. I have been so lucky to have had 11yrs with him, but it just wasn't enough. He was wrapped up in every part of my life - he came to work with me, and my stress relief has always been walking him. I have lost dogs before who I loved deeply, but ihe was around when both of them went, and he was my comfort. This is on another level. I feel empty and have no purpose. I can't imagine not having a dog, but right now the only dog I want is him.

I know that these are early days, and I will come to terms with things - but right now it seems completely impossible.

I live on my own, single, no children, but with 2 cats who are missing Pony too, and doing their best to comfort me.
pansy

Registered:
Posts: 599
 #2 
I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm going through the exact same thing right now (for the 6th time).
You've described exactly how I am feeling -sudden overwhelming panic, waves of sadness and crying, feeling like my purpose is gone, and just down right awful.  It's so painful but I know from past experience that it will eventually lessen.  Sending you wishes for peace and acceptance.
dozerdog8

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Posts: 1
 #3 
DebsH,

I am so sorry to hear you lost your sweet dog Pony. I know exactly what you are feeling and it's one of the worst feelings in the world. It gets better with time I promise, but you never really get over it. I lost my sweet boy Dozer (a keeshond) October 21st this year, and I still cry about it. Out of the blue, he lost his appetite and started having trouble breathing. My mom and dad took him to the vet and found out he had pneumonia. The vet gave him pills, although my mom told her that he had no appetite. The vet went to see if they had an injection instead, but the only one they had was expired. Therefore, we had to give him pills which he had trouble taking, and the pills do not take effect as quickly. He was worse the next day, and we took him to the emergency vet. They said he needed overnight care with oxygen and fluids, otherwise he probably wouldn't make it. Everyone in my family pooled in money for the overnight care, but he died the next morning. Luckily, my mom and dad were able to be with him before he died. It happened before I was even out of bed that morning. It's so hard because I feel like he may have gotten better if the vet would have given him an injection or informed us to take him to the emergency vet sooner. Like you said, it is so hard accepting the loss.

I'm so sorry again for your loss. :(
pansy

Registered:
Posts: 599
 #4 
I'm so sorry you lost Pony.  I'm going through the exact same thing right now and am having the same reactions.  I feel lost, anxious, empty, and lacking in purpose as my cat had multiple health issues that I tended to all the time.  His purring at night next to me was so comforting and I think it put both of us to sleep.  Time does lessen the pain and sadness but the beginning of the loss is so very hard.  I went to the store today and actually felt like I was going to have a panic attack.
Sending you wishes for peace, comfort, and acceptance.  
pansy

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Posts: 599
 #5 
Sorry for the double posting.  My mind is like mush right now.
miggymok

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Posts: 41
 #6 
I am very sorry for your loss of Pony. I lost my sweet beagle Mia on October 28 and I have been going through the same things that you are. I also live alone and she was my world. The loneliness and emptiness do lessen but the grief comes in waves. I hope you will find some peace as time goes on and think of good times with Pony.
DebsH

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #7 
Thank you everyone for all of the support. I am still a mess, with waves of overwhelming loss and emptiness. Even with my vet nurse knowledge I keep questioning my decisions for him.

He was my very special boy, wrapped up in everything I do, so all the 'firsts' without him are heartbreaking and physically painful.

Time will ease the pain I know, and even through my tears I can smile when I look at the endless pics and videos i have of him I'm just overwhelmingly sad that our amazing time together has come to an end

http://www.petloss.com/mbphotos4/heath.jpg
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