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Hermionesmom

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Posts: 5
 #1 
Saturday night I lost my best friend. My tortie girl, Hermione. She was fine when I got in the bath, running around and annoying my other cat. I got out and she was screaming in pain and struggling to breathe. We rushed her to the ER vet which is only 5 minutes away. They took her right in. She had a undetectable heart murmur and suffered from a blood clot that paralyzed her back legs causing her severe pain. She died on her own within about 20 minute of the onset of pain. She stared into my eyes as she drifted off. She was only 3.

I am having a very hard time. I have been sobbing for days. I had her cremated so that i could bring her when we move... and currently and just missing her little body and am heartbroken that there is no more Hermi. I miss her so much.

I read a rainbow bridge poem today in attempts to feel better. There was a party about how your pet will miss you at rainbow bridge but you will be waiting for you to meet again forever someday. This gave me suicidal thoughts. Thoughts I’ve never had before. I would do anything just to be with her again.

I hurt for her. She should have had another at least 15 more years. I am absolutely shattered and do not know what to do.

I have a good support system. I just miss her so much and hurt so bad. I hope she’s ok wherever she is. 💔
Missingmysweetmissy

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Posts: 1
 #2 
I am so sorry to hear about your sweet Hermione. I had to put down my cat of 16 years on Sunday and I have been crying and lost ever since. I got her when I was 16 and she has always been there for me and has been my comfort especially while I was struggling with anxiety. Last year we took her to the vet because she was having problems with her eye. Unfortunately the vet didn’t pick up on the seriousness of the situation and by the time we took her to a specialist she was blind in one eye. We made the decision to get her eye taken out. It broke my heart having to put her through that and see her like that, however, after a lot of love and care she made a full recovery and our bond became even stronger.

About 3 months ago I realised that she was drooling a lot and food was falling out of her mouth when she was trying to eat. I took her to another vet, as I didn’t want to go back to our old one after our last experience, and they examined her and said she needed a teeth clean. We also got them to do full blood work incase there was an underlying issue. All the tests came but great and the vet said that she was very healthy for a cat her age. About 2 weeks after her teeth clean I noticed that she was still drooling and dropping food so we took her back to the vet. She did another examination and this time she found a small lump on her jaw. At first I thought it might have been related to the teeth clean, maybe an infection or something similar. The vet said that it could be a tumour and they should do a biopsy to see if it is cancerous. As soon as she mentioned that word my heart dropped.

We took her back in a couple of days and she was put under anaesthetic and had a biopsy done. The results from the biopsy came back inconclusive. Because of her age the vet did not recommend surgery as they would have to remove half her jaw so we decided to give her anti-inflammatories and watch her closely. She seemed to be going fine for the first two months, still eating etc which gave me hope that maybe it wasn’t cancer and/or the medicine was working. However, I did notice that in this time the lump seemed to be growing. About a month later I noticed that she was starting to drool again and her little tongue was always sticking out her mouth. She couldn’t eat her normal food anymore as it kept dropping out of her mouth so we got her softer, pureed foods. At the same time we took her back to the vet to get her stronger painkillers. The vet said that she didn’t have long but as long as she is still eating and has quality of life we could take her home.

She seemed to perk up again on the new painkillers which gave me hope. However, the vet said she couldn’t be on then long term as they have a lot of side effects so they put her on another medicine. About two days after this she started to rapidly decline. She was barely eating and she was very withdrawn. I went looking for her and she was under the bed or hiding out in the back yard which was weird as she never did that. She was always on my lap or on my bed. I read that cats do this when they are about to die so I knew the time was coming. I couldn’t bare to see her like that and didn’t want her to suffer anymore.

My whole family and my long term bf of 5 years who didn’t like cats when we started dating but fell in love with my sweet missy, took her to the animal hospital to get her assessed as it was a Sunday and our vet was closed. I knew what the vet was going to say but I needed that confirmation. He did some tests and said that at this point she would be very unhappy and suffering and that for her quality of life it would be better to euthanise her. I burst into tears and he said she has obviously been a very special friend to you. He said that he could put her on stronger pain killers so I could take her home and have more time with her but that she would be bombed out and it would just be for me. I said I couldn’t watch her suffer anymore. He said he would give us some time to say goodbye. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I held her in my arms kissed her and told her how much I loved her. At this point I couldn’t even bear to see her die so decided to leave the room while my bf and dad stayed behind. I feel so guilty now that I couldn’t be there for her final breath but I just couldn’t bear it and didn’t want to remember her like that.

I have not stopped crying and can’t believe she is gone. I keep waiting for her to come out of my bedroom to be fed or to see her on my bed. I think I see her all the time. i have not been to work all week as I can not think of anything else. I just wish I could have made her better and feel guilty for everything she went through. I loved her so much and miss her
every second. My heart is breaking.
Raiseravens88

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #3 
Firstly, I apologize for your losses. I lost my best friend 2 months ago now and it’s still raw at times. I’’m lucky to have therapy so I did my best to work through the immeasurable pain of losing her at 15, but now I’m just angry that two months have passed and she’s not coming back. For a little while I could trick myself that she was on vacation...

I can relate to the immense hole left after...the wishing to be able to see their little bodies entering a room. One of the hardest parts is going through day to day life and realizing that I depended on her for so much comfort. The worst days used to become better days just by petting her. The monotony of a working schedule was peppered with her funny personality at night, her sitting close as we slept. She was so beautiful and loyal, it’s what I miss everyday. It’s never going to be replaced.

Its understandable to have thoughts of life and the meaning of it. I have it often now...wondering what kinda joy I will experience as I age without her. However, if you’re thinking about harming yourself please reach out to the Suicide Prevention line: 1-800-273-8255

Stay strong x
Hermionesmom

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #4 
@missingmysweetmissy I am so sorry. I can 100% relate. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Because it was so sudden, I didn't full understand what happened. I emailed the emergency vet today and asked for a more clear explanation and they were able to send me some articles to explain what happened. There was no preventing it. I feel so jipped. She was only 3. She was the love of my life.. I suffer from anxiety as well and it has been super high this whole week. I returned to work yesterday and while it was super hard.. it was a good distraction. Maybe you could try? even just a half a day? The hardest part of the day was going home and not having sweet Hermione there. She was last on the couch crying in pain.. I cry every time I look at the couch. My poor baby </3. Mornings seem to be the hardest. Waking up and realizing she is not there.. the absolute worst. I hope things get better for us.. if you want to chat more, please send me a message.. maybe we can exchange numbers or facebooks so we can attempt to console one another? 

@Raseravens88 I understand what you mean about worst days becoming better just by petting her. Hermione was always on my lap. My lap is now empty and it hurts my heart. I would do anything to just hold her again. The home I used to love, I now want to move from. It's so painful. I don't want to leave her memories behind. Anytime I feel a hint of happiness, I feel guilty. This is the worst experience of my life and I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy.
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