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Dolanr1994

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Posts: 1
 #1 
We got Baby when she was 4 weeks old. She was too young to be away from her mother but I was sure that I couldn’t send her back with the terrible man who was trying to sell her. So she became ours. The minute I held her tiny body in my two hands, I was in love. I was going to do whatever it took to keep her safe and make her strong.
9 months. 9 months we had her. She was smart and she was graceful and she hated cuddling with anybody but me. She had only just gotten the house training thing down.
On June 3rd, she got up and we took her for a walk. She came home and she ate her breakfast. 20 minutes later, she threw up on the carpet and then she threw up on the sofa. In the space of 5 minutes, she threw up 7 times.
I immediately took her to the vet. She had been so sick that her little body laid limp against my chest as I rushed her in. They took her back immediately and said that they would call me in an hour with results of blood tests and x-rays. 45 minutes later, they called. They told us that she was having some sort of allergic reaction. She was in anaphylactic shock. Dogs that don’t respond to medication in the first 10 to 15 minutes often die. Her liver was enlarged and failing. Every inch inside her body was inflamed and in pain.
They let us back to see her and sit with her. I held her in my arms for two hours as we hoped and prayed that she would make it. She screamed an unholy, haunting scream every 15 minutes because she was in so much pain.
Finally, she developed blood clots and she had a stroke. It was the worst thing I had ever seen.
The doctor looked and me and I knew that she wasn’t going to make it. There was no way. I told her to administer the euthanasia.
It’s been 2 days. When I come home from work, I just sit in the spaces where she used to be and want to scream. I want to punch the wall but I coukdnt afford the doctor’s bill. I wonder what I could have done. A different walk route. A closer vet’s office. Been more. Been better.
I promised to protect her and I feel like I failed. I feel like I killed her because I had to make the choice to end it.
A piece of me is missing because she is gone.
twinkiesmom

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Posts: 837
 #2 
I am so sorry for your loss of Baby. It was a horrible accident and there is no way you could have prevented it. Please do not blame yourself. Instead remember that you rescued her from that terrible man and that every day with you brought her great joy and so much love. You did not kill her, you released her from horrible pain and suffering. I have seen animals that were poisoned and know how badly they suffer. I understand your feeling that a piece of you is missing. I lost my first dog when I was eighteen and I still think of her often even after all these years. We lived in California and many nights we would walk up a hill to a little park and watch the sun setting over the ocean. She was so sweet and loving and brought so much happiness to my life. As impossible as it sounds right now there will come a time that you will remember her with smiles instead of tears.
Please take care and come to petloss as much as you need to. The people here are always kind and comforting.
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