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doe4rae

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Posts: 1
 #1 
How do I say in only a few words what can possibly convey the tremendous grief and devastation I feel at losing my girl? We have had 4 GSD and they all bonded with my husband. They loved me too.... But this little girl stole my heart from the minute she hooked her tiny paw over my arm in the car ride home. She bonded hard to me. I took her everywhere with me... Camping, canoeing, hiking, or just laying near me in my shop where I run my business. A lot of people have pets that are therapy animals. I didn't ever try to have that (or thought I needed that) but she was that. If I as much as lost my temper and said a bad word because I screwed up a project in my shop, she would jump up and push her head under my hand until she was satisfied I'd calmed down and then she would go lie down again. If she heard me start to get upset on the phone she would rest her head on my lap or place one of her big German Shepherd paws on my knee. She was the most obedient, intelligent, loyal dog we have ever had as part of our family. But mainly she was there. She was just always there with me. Everywhere. Two months ago I found out (was completely blind sided) my husband of 28 years was having an affair. Sylvie was a long hair German Shepherd and I'm sure I cried so much into her fur that it was heavy with my tears. She normally didn't lay on our bed, as was my husband's rule, (lots of fur!!) But after the affair she insisted on laying at my feet in the bed. At first my husband would tell her to get down. And she would obey, but then over and over she would return to the bed to lay by me. Finally I told him to stop telling her not to do the one thing she was put here on Earth to do. He let her stay. We are working on healing our marriage but Sylvie has been my shadow as I process grief and betrayal. A few weeks ago she seemed lethargic to me. I thought "she needs a break from me. It's too much work taking care of all my pain all the time". So maybe I attributed her low spirit to lying around with me but I took her to the vet where they tested and began a treatment for Lyme disease. Before the blood work could even come back, she began breathing in a very labored manner. They put her in a cubicle with oxygen and promised to call me if she got worse while they collected samples to test for a fungal infection (a chest x-ray had come back indicating this which was not in a chest x-ray from two weeks earlier). At 3a.m. Sunday I got a call that she was deteriorating. I expected her to be barely conscious, lying on her side, panting when we got there. When we walked through the door to the hospital, she was sitting up looking at those swinging doors like she had been waiting for me to get there. I thought "it's ok. She's not going to die". She whimpered and wanted to be let out of the cubicle to be with me and I was crying because I wanted to get in the cubicle WITH her so she wouldn't be off oxygen. She wanted out though, so the veterinary staff gave me a nose cone to keep oxygen flowing over her face. She walked around a bit with me but within about 10 minutes she laid down by me on the floor and her heart just slowed and stopped. I feel like all of my grief killed her and I also feel like I can't live without her. I was grateful to be with her when she went but I don't understand why God took her now when I need her so much. She was only 5 years old. She was the most beautiful animal in the world to me. I have not been able to work or barely breathe from sobbing since we buried her under the cedar trees by my shop 3 days ago.
champsmom

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Posts: 34
 #2 
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Sylvie.  She sounds like a terrific dog and you obviously loved her very much.  It is so hard to lose any pet but especially a young, seemingly healthy dog.  I can tell you from experience that the first few days and weeks are the hardest.  It does get better, and someday you will be able to look back and smile at all the happy memories you have of your baby.  I'm sure she knew how much you loved her and your love for her shows in your post. 
Ljldrn

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #3 
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl. I too just lost my sweet boy. I believe in my heart that our animals stay with us until we are ready to cross the rainbow bridge and then they are once again our constant companions. I am waiting on some kind of sign that my boy is okay...and hopefully you too will find something that comforts your broken heart. Prayers and hugs are all I can offer at this time as I too am in deep grief. Keep looking up and may you find peace. Take care.
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