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cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #1 
Hi, It's been over fifteen years since I had the need to come to Pet loss web site. I had to let my"Boo Boo" aka Termy go on Monday. I know that this is the place to come to when we all have to let our Fur Babies go. I know that  just reading other posts tells me that I am not alone with my pain. Termy was my life line when seventeen years ago I lost Dakota. I thought I would never smile again but the Termy (short for Terminator) came into my life and for sixteen and half years he made my life complete. I miss him so and I hope he knows how much I really loved him.
Missing him
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #2 
I know I haven't had any responses to my post five days ago, but I want everyone to know that my pain is a deep and my heart is as broken as all of those here. I too feel quilt for making the ultimate decision to let Termy go and end his suffering. I hope all that post here get the support and love that I was so longing to get here. God bless all of us that lose our furbabies and may we all get the love and support that I know is out there.
I will always love and understand all of us who has lost.
Termy's mom
SasparillasMom

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Posts: 88
 #3 
Dear Termy's Mom,
   I am so sorry for your loss.   I wish that there were something that I could say that would help take away some of the pain.   I have lost 2 of my kitties in the last 18 months, the most recent one on June 24th.  Making the decisions to let them go were the hardest decisions of my life.   I too spent weeks wracked with guilt and doubt about whether I had done the right thing.   Both of them were with me for 15 years, through a lot of hard times, but happy times as well.   No matter how upside down life goes, you can always count on  your furbabies to be there for you.    I don't come here often , but it made me sad to see that your first post had not been responded to.  Please know that I am thinking of you and sending hugs your way.   You are not alone.

Sasparilla's Mom, Senge's Mom, Issabelle's Mom and Larry's Mom.

Cathy
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #4 
Cathy,
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post. I knew from coming here years ago that there were others who shared my loss. I guess the guilt is a normal feeling when we say goodbye to the pets who love us unconditionally. Their lives are so short compared to ours and I often wonder why I continue to adopt another one. I know Termy would want me to share my love to another in need. Maybe someday, but not now. The pain is still to raw.
I am so sorry about your loses also. I feel in my heart that Sasparilla, Senge, Issabelle and Larry had the most wonderful mom and knew how deeply you loved them. They will be sitting at the Bridge when the day comes to be with them and oh, what a wonderful experience that will be. I also send my love and hugs to you also.
Please know that your kind words has helped me feel some better and to know that you cared.
Love and hugs
Termy's mom
VT

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Posts: 32
 #5 
Hi Cosesmom,
I lost my little buddy unexpectedly on Monday and reading your post has given me glimmer of hope. My little fella has been with me most of my adult life and 13 years later he's gone. I've never experienced such an overwhelming grief. I don't want to be home but don't want to be anywhere else. It's just crippling. Being at work the last couple of days holding back tears was awful. I felt like no one understands because I've only lost a dog and so tried to hide it. It's comforting to read that I'm not alone.
I'm so happy to hear you managed to find yourself not one but two great doggies to share your life with. This has given me hope that one day I'll be up to it too. Did you decide to find another dog or did little Termy find you?
All the best and thank you. And hugs to all the grieving, lost souls out there.
SasparillasMom

Registered:
Posts: 88
 #6 
Hi Termy's Mom,
  Thank you so much for your kind words.   I too have  shared  your doubts about adopting another pet, and every time I have gone through the loss of one I wonder if it is worth it.   The way I see it ,  there is such great pain only  because there was such great love.   I think that all of the people that are on this message board grieving the loss of a beloved pet, have an exceptional amount of love to share with an animal.  Not everyone can do that.   There are so many animals out there in need of that kind of love, it would be a tragedy to not again share it with another pet.    But you are right,  the pain is raw,  grief is a long process, and you have to wade through it as best you can.  
  I hope you are doing a little better, and that soon the happy memories will be the ones that come to your mind first.   You gave Termy the greatest gift of all, your love.   Have no doubt that he knew you loved him. 
 
Hugs,
Cathy
Sasparillas Mom, Senge's Mom, Issabelle's Mom and Larry's Mom
  
brandyrobin710

Registered:
Posts: 17
 #7 
Termy's mom,

I haven't been here in awhile either.  Sadly, I knew I needed to come back here today.  Tomorrow morning at 11:00 am, my beautiful 15 year old gray kitty King will start his journey to the Rainbow Bridge.  We can't feel guilt.  I look at him today and know that it is his last day with us and I cry but I also remember what life he could have had if my husband and I did not love him how we have.  Remember the love.  That's all anybody can really do.  The tears and heartache will be there for awhile.  I still cry talking about the six babies I lost before King.  But, I know I loved them beyond words and measure.  We gave them a fantastic life.  Take comfort in knowing how much you loved your sweet fur baby and I am sure Termy felt that always.

Wishing you comfort and peace.

Brandy
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #8 
Brandy,
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I feel you.I did the same thing on Sept 17th. I looked at Termy all day and knew it was his last day with me just as you as doing. I cried and promised him I wouldn't let him suffer just as surely as you made that promise. I do remember the love but there are times when my grief and guilt overwhelm those memories, Just as they did today. I feel I should have held off and tried something, anything but I know deep in my heart he was tired and ready to go. My pain runs deep. I keep reliving that day (Sept 18th) the look on his face through the car window, Him sitting in my lap while I waited for the vet, He seemed normal but I know his body failed him. His heart was in living but not his body. I really am grateful for the time I had with him but I still feel so alone now.
I hope King will be okay at the Bridge playing with you other babies. You must have been super Fur Parents with so much love to give. You are truly wonderful and I thank you for taking the time to share you wisdom and understanding with my.
Edinas_Mom

Registered:
Posts: 13
 #9 
So sorry for your loss. I also lost my sweet Edina about a week ago at the age of 15. I know what you are going through. Once you are ready, I think it helps to write about all the good things that you remember about Termy. I have been doing that with Edina. I cry a huge amount and feel all kinds of grief - but it helps gradually to remember the wonderful gift of their love. Hugs, Edina's Mom
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #10 
Hey Edina's mom,
Thank you for your sympathy. I also send you my heart felt sympathy for your loss also. Your Baby was 15 and my baby was 16.
I did almost the same thing as you suggested when I lost My soul mate 17years ago. Somewhere I read about making a memory jar. I did that for Dakota and you are right it did help. I am thinking I need to make a memory jar for Termy too. But I will wait a bit to do that. I need to be able to write about him and think of the good life I shared with him. Right now the pain is still to sharp and I am still dealing with guilt. I hope I can get past the guilt and not cry so much.
I do cherish his wonderful gift of love and am forever great full that he was a part of my life. I know I am a better person because of him. I just miss the unconditional love that he bestowed me.
Edinas_Mom

Registered:
Posts: 13
 #11 
Hugs cosesmom - the healing pet loss book says to write your feelings every morning when you wake up. It is really hard in the morning because I am missing my little girl but I force myself to do it in hopes that it will eventually help. I still cry everyday and have trouble eating, but I also write about the good times too and keep trying to think of those. I also have a post on here about my Edina and someone wrote telling me about a toy box that they have for the pet that they lost and how they keep their toys in it. I thought that was beautiful too. I lost a cat before in 2005 and her blanket is still on the little love seat in my office. None of the other animals have ever laid on it or touched it and it has been there for 10 years (since I bought this house in 2007).
HeartBroken12

Registered:
Posts: 158
 #12 
Hello cosesmom,
So sorry for your losses!
What you've said "I hope all that post here get the support and love that I was so longing to get here" I couldn't say any better. Sorry to hear you didn't quite received the support either you were hoping for. When I've posted my thoughts and feelings, I've got one reply and one thank you, and even tho I've appreciated those two, I was hoping for more understanding and support. I ended up deleting that post after all.
Hope you can find more support! Blessing to you
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #13 
To all,
I just want to share with all of you photos of my sweet Termy. One is him when he was younger and the other is one of him as my old man shortly before he left for Rainbow Bridge.
Hopefully just looking at his photos will bring a smile to your face as it does mine.
Love and hugs to all of you
Termys mom [termy1181]  [termy2033] 
Edinas_Mom

Registered:
Posts: 13
 #14 
Very cute - almost looks like a fox!
HeartBroken12

Registered:
Posts: 158
 #15 
Hello cosesmom,
Thank you again for your reply!
Sweet pictures of your loved one, specially like the one where he's looking into the camera <3
Be strong and try to take care of yourself now!
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 639
 #16 
Your Termy was adorable! He looks like a little person.
VT

Registered:
Posts: 32
 #17 
Hi Termy’s mom, I just wanted to touch base and say thank you. I think our little mates passed around the same time-just over ten months ago and I found comfort in your posts. I don’t come often but I’m still sad and I feel a little less isolated in that grief when I remember all the lovely people on this forum. All the best to you,
Vanessa.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #18 
Vt,
You are welcome but but thanks aren't necessary, I believe you are correct, the ten month mark was on the 18th. I am dreading September because that will mean Termy got his wings a year ago. I am so happy that I could help you in your time of loss. It's easier to say the things one should feel about them selves. I still grieve and cry a lot and like you, miss them so very much.
The best to you too
Bonnie
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #19 
My Sweet Termy,
How I miss so. You were the love of my life and a rock to depend on. I think about you all the time and yes, there are tears. I loved you more than life it's self and nothing feels the same anymore. I know I have a new normal now but how I loved taking care of you. I know that the last few months were hard on us both but I never regret ed any of the things I had to do to make your life more comfortable. You were always there to love me. It didn't matter what mood I was in you had your own special way of making me smile. You shared so much with me and gave me so much more. I hope I did everything I could have to give you the very best life. Mommy misses you and always will. Wait for me at the Bridge.
doglife

Registered:
Posts: 69
 #20 
Hi Termy's  mom,

I believe you were the one who replied to my post when I lost my sweet Jada.  Your kind words really helped me through a very difficult time and I wanted to say thank you.   The last post that you posted to Termy was so touching,  my Jada too was the love of my life,  actually everyone who knew her loved her.   So I am still reeling from the loss and the pain.  The only thing I can be supportive of is that I understand your grief.  And the love and the beautiful letters that you write to your Sweet Termy shows how deeply you loved and cared for him.  He knows that you gave him the best life he could've ever dreamed of, and his love for your was and is unconditional and never ending.  He sounds like he was your soul mate and knew your emotions, and when they know how to make you smile,  it is a special gift , a special bond between a human and their dog that no one else can quite understand unless you've had a dog like that.   I did.  It sounds so futile to say that .   I did.  Where did the time go?    I keep getting pictures and little videos on my FB memories that make me smile of Jada , so she's still making me smile, but in a different way, because my heart will never stop aching for her.   I never wanted to be here on this forum talking about her in the past tense.  I thought I had at least 6 to 7 more years with her.  I didn't think in a million years I'd be here now talking about her and missing her so much.  She made me smile and laugh every day with something silly that she did, and then she smiled as if to say,  I did what I set out to do , make my mom smile.   They do give so much to our soul,  and they never ask for anything in return but our love.
   You and Termy shared that special bond,  that could never be broken into eternity.  You don't have to hope that you did everything to give him the best life, YOU DID, and Termy thanks you for it.    I am sure he is waiting to be reunited with you one day.  In the mean time,  I hope that you can still enjoy life, and try to live with his love in your heart.   I knew it would be difficult to lose not just a dog, but a special best friend and loyal companion, who's love was unconditional and who was always there for me.   What I didn't know is that the huge gap that they leave when they go ,  cannot be filled with anything else.   AT least not for me.  I have two other male Shepherds that I also love so much , and I am lucky to have them because they have helped me to deal with this pain, or else it would've been unbearable.    But they are not Jada,  and they are missing her too.  She was the Alpha, she was the magic that kept these two males in line.  She was my protector, my little clown, my kitchen partner,  my show off, my confident & strong female.  
Thank you for writing your letters to Termy and sharing your story here.  It helps to know that others are feeling the intense grief that comes when losing a loved one.  
I wish you peace, and love and hugs to you. 
Jada's  mom
Tanker_1

Registered:
Posts: 67
 #21 
"My Sweet Termy,

How I miss so. but how I loved taking care of you. I know that the last few months were hard on us both but I never regret ed any of the things I had to do to make your life more comfortable. I hope I did everything I could have to give you the very best life"

(((hugs))) I feel the same about my girl.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #22 
Dear Jada'a mom,
I thank you for reading my heart posts to Termy. Yes, he was my heart dog, my soul mate just as Jada was yours. I hate the emptiness but remembering the journey is what keeps me sane. I, like you wonder where the time has gone. I am hoping you are finding peace and comfort too.

Termy, my sweet Termy,
Days are long with out you but I am starting to look back and see all the pictures of our journey for over 16 years. I remember you waiting outside the shower for me just so you could be held and lick my ears. I remember too you sleeping with me, always on your back with your feet in the air. I always called this "sleeping with everything pointing up" You were always my shadow and when you couldn't find me, I could see the panic. You searched the whole house looking for me, Then you found me and oh, the happiness you showed me.
I miss you so very much. There's a big part of me missing but you gave me so much. Memories made to last me my life time. Thank you for letting me be your mom. Thank you for letting me take care of you and thank you for all the time you shared life's lessens on love and understanding.
You were and are my Heart Dog, my soul mate. Keep sending me all those feathers, I cherish each and every one. I know these are your signs that you are near and taking care of me and sending your love. You were my special one, my little man.
Have fun at the Bridge and enjoy yourself. I will see you one day and oh, what a day.
Love you tons
Mommy
doglife

Registered:
Posts: 69
 #23 
Termy’s mom,
Beautiful, heartfelt letter. Made me cry. Please keep sharing your memories like those, it somehow helps all of us grieving.
Thank u.
Hugs
Jada’s mom
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #24 
My Sweet Sweet Termy,
I miss you today as much as I missed you the day I left you go. Everyday is a struggle with out your warm and loving soul. I miss you meeting me at the door when I come home from work, I miss you just being near. Even if we just gazed at each other from across the room, I  took comfort in knowing you were near. You always made sure I was in your sight and I always made sure I knew where you were. We were connected then as we are still connected now. I miss you! My life will never be whole again with out you but I know you are in a better place now, healthy and happy waiting for me to join you one day.
Be a good boy and enjoy yourself, I'll see you one day.
Love ,
Mommy
skmk

Registered:
Posts: 93
 #25 
Hello Cosesmom,
I've been reading through your posts and especially your latest one. That's exactly how I felt about my Dickens. I always knew where he was and he always knew where I was . We had a bond that will never be broken. He was so wise and knew me so well. I'm still wracked with grief. I can understand how you and others say maybe there won't be another dog in your future because I've said the same thing myself. This grief and despair is just so hard. I know there are many pets out there needing and deserving of good homes. I just don't know if I could do it again which I find sad. Sad to think I'd never have another dog again because they've always been such a joyful part of my life.
For me it boils down to do I want to be responsible for another creature's care and health and fear I'd make a mistake and start all over with the guilt and grief. I wouldn't even consider another pet at this
point.
Cosesmom I saw the pictures of your Termy and he sure was a cutie pie. I must tell you I had a dog named Termie (spelled a little different) but also short for Terminator. People used to smile when I told them her name because for one thing she was a lady dog, a very prim and proper long haired dachshund. She was another heart dog. A year after she passed I adopted Dickens another long hair dachshund and heart dog. Well I didn't mean to talk for so long. Termys mom I wish you peace.
We all need it.
Take care of yourself,
Skmk
SoaringCorgie

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #26 
Dear Termy's Mom,  I've been reading some of your posts about your beautiful Termy.  I really liked your poem, and all the sweet messages you've sent him. It's been just over a year for you, for your loss. I'm glad you are still here, still writing, and giving hope to others. You have given me hope, a new feeling that I can survive this grief.  It's so very hard to keep going, day after day. I'm really trying, but my mind is always on my Zoe. And all this grief has brought up my other fur babies' deaths from years ago. I have endured a lot of heartache in my life, not a lot of happiness or joy...until I adopted my fur babies. And that is when I found true happiness, love, and a real joy for living. And now I find myself lost again. I think I should write my Zoe's memory story. I found that page. Maybe I should've started out writing that first. 
I am going to keep reading a little everyday on this site. And I'm glad I met you. 
The one thing that is the very depth of my sadness, is that I adopted Zoe when she was eight, a senior. One month later she was diagnosed with cancer. She was a miracle baby, because the Vet gave her 6months after her surgery and my Zoe gave me four years. But she had four other health conditions. So our years were not as happy as most, but still we had moments of joy. I loved her so much. 
Sorry to ramble on. Just wanted to thank you for sharing. It has helped me. God bless. Many hugs. I love your balloon idea too. 
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