Registered: 1281645008 Posts: 65
Thank you to all of you wonderful, kind-hearted people who have taken the time to respond to my posts, offer sympathy, kindness, thoughts, and prayers. I appreciate it so much and want you to know that your words have been helpful and meaningful as I grieve for my beloved cat and try to make sense of his senseless death.
In my earlier post today, I said that I had two sessions with a therapist. I would like to explain that I have seen this therapist periodically since my brother died from colon cancer eight years ago. I had been dealing with depression periodically for many years and losing my brother was a very difficult period in my life. I had been doing quite well the past few years; no longer was using Zoloft, and had no need to see the therapist regularly. However, this incident with Kitten feels like it has really set me back. I would like to clarify that although I have been seeing this therapist for several years, our last two sessions have focused on Kitten's death and issues of self-blame. I will be seeing her again in a couple weeks. She is a kind and understanding person who I do feel comfortable talking to. I truly hate to go back on an anti-depressant and I don't know if what I am experiencing now is guilt and grief or if Kitten's death has triggered the depression again. All I know is I cry at a drop of the hat. I am exhausted. When I think there are no more tears left, they start again. I have found books on animal loss to be helpful, too. That is, they help for awhile and I understand what the authors are saying...but then I find myself crying all over again. Thanks again to all who have taken the time to respond and help. I don't think you can know how much you have helped me--someone you don't know--by reaching out to me with your kind thoughts. I am forever grateful. Irene
Registered: 1261658894 Posts: 262
I have never been treated for depression but every spring I get a little low and it lingers and then just as I begin to wonder if maybe I should get some help things seem to swing the other way. When River died, my husband thought I should consider finding out about anti-depressants. I had a grief counselor at the time and when I asked her about it, she said that I didn't need them, that depression was part of the grief process. I opted for an on-line type of counselling rather than visiting a counselor so I'm not really sure if that was the right advice at the time, but I hate going to the doctor for anything, so I took her advice.
It makes complete sense that you would feel as though Kitten's accident has set you back. I don't know if it helps you to know that what you are feeling is completely normal. Crying at the drop of a hat and exhaustion are all a part of this terrible grief process, and progress is just so agonizingly slow, especially in the beginning. The world keeps moving along at its normal pace and many people in your life may expect you to make better progress than you feel you are making, but really their expectations are unrealistic. Don't feel pressured by their expectations. Kitten's death was an accident. You would have gone to the ends of the earth to prevent it if you had known what was going to happen, but you couldn't know.
Have you read Animals and the Afterlife by Kim Sheridan? I found it comforting.
Registered: 1276206575 Posts: 628
Irene, I do understand when you said this message board has helped you. The people got me through the loss of our Beagle, Bonnie. Without the help of the wonderful, caring people, I do not know how I would have been able to get through the day. I still miss my Bonnie very much, but the pain is not so intense. I am proud of you for seeking help of a therapist. I too suffer from depression and have seen a therapist in the past. I tried to get in to see him these past few weeks, but there no openings until late in September. I have started taking my meds again and am feeling better now. However, if and when he gets an opening, I will make an appointment. Depression is a hard thing to carry around with you day and day out. Thank goodness there is treatment for it. I just wanted to tell you how this message board has helped me also. I believe it has helped just about everyone who has put a post out there. I hope you continue to feel better. It is a difficult ordeal to loose a sweet pet. ~~~~~ Hugs ~~~~~ Clara
Registered: 1282230417 Posts: 29
Still thinking of you and what you are going through. Sending you light and comfort xxxx KT