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jessej1s89

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Posts: 27
 #1 

My name is Jess, I have posted on this forum before; and it has officially been 48 days, exact, since I had to send my sweet precious dog Braveheart to Heaven. He is a Lhaso Apso.

The first week, after March 3rd, that I had to send him away to Heaven, I was very distraught, very sad, and I missed him so much, more than words could bear to type. The house itself cried, as one user on here said, because even the house missed his presence. 

After that week, I became very comforted by God. God let me know in my heart that Braveheart is in a good place, and that I will see him again one day in Heaven. God let me know that one day I will hold Braveheart in my arms again....and that comforts me.

But tonight... tonight I am struggling. I miss him so much. He is so dear to me. He was an old dog when I adopted him; Braveheart was at least 10 years old when I adopted him. Before I adopted him, Braveheart spent the first 10 years of his life trapped in a cage in a puppymill in Conway, South Carolina. 
10 years. 
3,650 days. 
My precious Braveheart spent 10 years in a puppy mill. Trapped in cage. With no love. Zero love. 

When they found him, when the puppy mill finally got busted, his fur was so matted that it grew over his eyes. He was so skinny, that if he had gone much longer he surely would have died. When they found him, he had a SEVERE laceration on his ankle; his ankle BONE was actually POPPING THROUGH the skin, and they thought they would have to amputate it. Luckily, they were able to save it. They didn't have to amputate. 

Before I adopted him, I remember scrolling through the pages of All4Paws, and I remember coming across his picture. He was completely shaved, and did not at ALL resemble a Lhaso Apso, but I remember looking at his picture and thinking that he had the sweetest look in his eyes. So I set an appointment to go meet him. And I remember when I first saw him in person, he was the most beautiful animal soul that I had ever seen. He jumped up onto my leg with happiness when he saw me, and I immediately told the adoption agency that I wanted to adopt him. 
When I brought him home, it took a lot of time to nurse him to health. He was skinny, I had to buy a bunch of different foods to fatten him up, and some of them he wouldn't eat. So I would cook turkey meals for him, and he would eat those. I had to continue to nurse his leg back to health as well, because the place where his bone was popping out was still raw. 

But he eventually made a full recovery, and his fur grew back out, and he just looked like the happiest dog in the whole entire world. And I am crying right now as I type this, because I know that he was treated like CRAP for the first 10 years of his life; yet, he still was ***SO SWEET*** when I adopted him. He never growled at me. He never bit me. He never got agitated with me. 
It still blows my mind, that Braveheart went through all of that hell, and still came out on the other side SO SWEET. He was and is the sweetest dog that I have ever known. 
And unfortunately, as an aftermath of spending 10 years in a puppymill, he had congestive heart failure, and the last 6 months of his life he developed a very bad case of dementia (most likely it was actually a brain tumor). 
I only had him for 3 short years; and the last 6 months of his life with me he had very bad dementia, went blind very quickly, etc. (I think it was a brain tumor). I did everything I could for him, but he continued to suffer and get worse. (very worse).
So...on March 3, 2018, I had to go to the vet and make the choice to send him to Heaven, because I always told him that I would always take care of him and I would NEVER let him suffer like he did in that puppymill....and sadly, he was suffering. 

I know this has been long, no body will probably even read it....but...up until tonight, I've been okay, because I know that he is in Heaven with God, and I will see him again....but I MISS HIM SO TERRIBLY TONIGHT. I miss my Braveheart so much. I love him so much, even still. I will love him until the day that I die...and it's just NOT FAIR that he had to suffer for the first 10 years of his life. ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE PEOPLE WHO PARTICIPATE IN PUPPY MILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love him so much. Tonight, I am struggling. It's been 48 days since I've seen him alive on this Earth, and I miss him so terribly. I love him so much. I love him so much. I love him so much.
I will love him forever. I will love him til the day that I die. I will continue to love him after I die. I will love Braveheart for eternity. That doggy is my doggy. And I love him. 

If you ever have the chance of saving and adopting a puppymill dog, please, do it. They are the most special souls that you will ever have the pleasure of meeting. 

 

 

God bless you, Braveheart, my sweet doggy. Momma will see you again, one day. One day I will meet you where you are. Jesus will lead me back to you. 
As for now, while I remain here, just know that I love you so much Braveheart. I miss your sweet spirit so much. God bless you, Braveheart.

God bless you all ! Any of you on this site that feel the loss that I do right now, God bless you! God bless you so much. It can be very hard some days. 

RF

Registered:
Posts: 46
 #2 
To me it sounds like both you and Braveheart have brave hearts.  To save him from what is essentially a prison for innocent dogs is a wonderful thing, and I'm sure that he loved you deeply for doing that.  And I know the bond you had was real, and strong.  And I know how you feel now that he is gone, having lost so many dogs and cats in my lifetime, to illness and old age.  I'm still mourning the death of my beloved Henry, one of the greatest cats ever to grace this earth.

I'm not religious, but if there is a heaven for creatures, Braveheart is there.  And looking down on you with love and gratitude.
Tinky

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #3 
I can relate to your grief, Jess, and my heart goes out to you.  Solely for the purpose that you can understand that there are others here deeply grieving, I will share a small bit of my story with you.  I won't go through the entire story here because (a) this thread is about you and Braveheart, and (b) I still can't get through my story without completely breaking down.  I just lost my baby girl, Tinky, a Maltese/Lhaso Apso mix, this past Sunday, and I finished burying her about 2 hours ago.  Hers was a horrible death, and very traumatic for both of us.  I have had many pets in my lifetime, and my heart has been broken with the passing of each one, but it's very different this time.  This is the first time that I even had to think about talking with a counselor over my grief, and I've been speaking with 3.  What I feel right now is absolutely the worst grief I could ever have imagined.

I tell you these things so you can understand that there are others here who are either now deeply grieving or understand your grief, having themselves suffered it at some point.  So don't you worry one bit about how long your posts are.  This is the place to let it out.  If I ever get to the point that I can tell the full story of Tinky, it will be quite long.

You will be blessed for showing Braveheart a different side of life.  Before you, he had no idea about love or compassion.   All he knew was suffering, and you came along and showed him something else -- something that allowed him to grow a strong, loving, joyous bond he never thought he could have with any human.  Some day, when you two are reunited, I believe that he will actually be able to explain to you how you changed his life, and you will be able to explain to him how he changed yours.

I don't mean to diverge into too much of a rant, but I have to briefly comment on puppy mills.  I believe that, in general, it's wrong for any person to use violence against another.  However, when it comes to puppy mills, all my logic and reasoning flies right out the window, and violence seems like an attractive option.  Yes, people shouldn't use violence against other people, but I have a really difficult time considering operators of puppy mills to be "people."  It also infuriates me that the laws impose consequences that are nowhere near harsh enough on the people (term used very loosely) who run the mills.  But I digress...

You gave Braveheart something that he never even knew existed or was possible -- a chance... a chance to escape from that horrid place... a chance to love and be loved... to trust and be trusted... to live life the way he deserved to.  It sounds like he knew from the moment he saw you that you were guided there for a reason: to rescue him and turn his life around.  Dogs somehow sense these things.  I have seen it many times.  You did a noble thing and, as I said, you are going to be blessed for it, well beyond the blessing you've already received of having brave little Braveheart in your life.  Then, you'll be blessed again when you're reunited with him.

I can't stand the thought that any of my fellow human beings should suffer even a fraction of the grief I suffer.  Just know that I and many others here do sincerely understand your deep grief from first-hand experience.  I wish there were some magic words I could say to ease your grief -- I really do.  But I also know all too well that, sometimes, there are no words in existence that can help.  However, I believe that there is comfort to be found for you in Braveheart.  Take comfort in the fact that, thanks to you, not only did he not have to live his entire in that horrible place, never knowing anything different, but he was also able to learn to trust and to love, so much so that he was able to forget about where he was before and enjoy a comfortable life with you.
Pawprince

Registered:
Posts: 92
 #4 
I am so sorry for the loss of your loved one. I can tell you loved and cared for Braveheart in the best way possible, and eventhough he had a really rough start in life... at least the last three years he was BLESSED to be love and cared for in such a loving way. ((hugs))
jessej1s89

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #5 
RF, I thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and also taking the time to comment. Thank you for your kind words, and I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious cat Henry. I understand that you are not religious; however, I tell you, believe in Jesus Christ, and He will lead you back to your Henry in Heaven. The Bible says that one day, God will make *ALL THINGS* new. All things. You, Me, the animals, the plants, the water, the grass, the rivers, the streams; all things. God bless you my friend, and I truly mean it when I say thank you for your kind words. I am sure that your Henry was the most beautiful cat ever! And I know that Henry is being taken care of right now by a very loving God. Thank you so much, RF, I really deeply appreciate your kind words. <3

Tinky, reading your comment to my post has filled my eyes with tears. It even brought my eyes to tears more to see that your sweet Tinky was a Maltese/Lhaso Apso mix. I am sure that she was quite the beauty. Honestly, I hate to speak of our beloved animals in past tense terms, so I will correct myself; I am sure that Tinky *IS* quite the beauty. The most beautiful Lhaso Apso/Maltese mix ever! I understand that it is hard for you right now to tell Tinky's whole story, as the loss of her is still very fresh to you. I know exactly how you feel in this very moment. I am sure that Tinky filled your life with every bit of the most precious sunshine. I am sure that she had the most sweet soul imaginable. I am sorry for your momentary loss. I want to thank you from the very depths of my soul for reading my post and commenting back. I have up and down days, and the first days after Bravehearts passing was very excruciating and hard to get through, but the days got easier. Last night, however, when I typed my post, I was missing him so much. All of the grief hit my soul so hard last night, and the only comfort I could find (besides praying) was here on this forum, and typing my thoughts. I thank you so much for reading them. I know that this is just a forum, and we cannot see each other face to face, but your words have greatly comforted me, and I really appreciate you. It can be so hard to lose such a sweet and beloved friend. One of the things that comforts me the most is that I know that God, our Creator, is taking the most excellent care of Tinky and Braveheart right now. I know that they are still loved, and are awaiting our reunion. I long for that day. I know you do too. I also completely agree with what you say about puppymills. They are horrible! They are a living hell here on Earth. I pray that God would comfort all of those sweet souls whom are still trapped. 
When you do come to the point in time where you feel comfortable with telling Tinky's story, I am here to listen. I am here to listen to you. I am here to grieve with you. I am here to cry with you. I completely understand. Take your time, though, friend. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading my post and commenting back. I really appreciate it, and it truly means so much to me! <3

Pawprince, thank you so much for reading my post, I was really hurting last night when I typed that out, and it is very emotional. I truly appreciate you reading it and commenting me back. Your words have greatly comforted me. I assume that you, too, are on this site because you lost a dear animal friend, and I only hope the best for you. I love Braveheart so much, and I know that you too love your animal friends. Again, thank you so much for commenting! <3
Tinky

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #6 
How are you coping today, Jess?
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