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snapdragonfly

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Posts: 1
 #1 

My precious, precious, beautiful little girl, Maggie Mae, my sweet little baby, just vanished on October 4.

It's a long weird story, all the false sightings and the long strange journey I've embarked on to find her. I've hired the best cat detective I could find, I've done everything anyone could imagine, searched high and low on foot, used media, cameras, personally knocked on and talked to every door within 2 miles of me that I could get to answer the door and left flyers on their door if they didn't.

I could talk for a long long time about why Maggie was, is, so special to me, but right now I just want to know - how do you deal with it when you JUST DON'T KNOW what happened?

There is a possibility that she got onto an electric company lineman's truck that came to the house the day she went missing, was transported about 2 miles away (I called the company to find out where that truck went) and is the same cat that over half a dozen people think they saw...slowly making it's way back in the direction of home...but I could never get anyone to get a photo of it for positive confirmation and it's been a month since anyone has seen it.

So...there's like, the faintest, faintest glimmer of a very small possible miracle.

On the other hand...it's frickin winter, it's cold, there's not much little prey out there, I live in the country and people have horrible mean dogs everywhere...

 

She would never have just left. She was tightly bonded with me, we had a daily routine that never varied, she was an integral part of the fabric of my life, as I stay home and work mostly from home, and I feel like my heart has absolutely been ripped out of my chest.

I was doing better when I could actively search for her but I have pretty much exhausted all the pro active things to do that I know of and can't do much past just hope, now, and as much as I cried before, I'm crying even more now.

I am grieving so hard over her and my family is getting kind of tired of it...my best friend is gentle and understands that I need to get over this on my own time but I have friends who have lost parents this year and I know they must think I'm incredibly stupid and selfish for crying over my cat when they are soldiering on after losing a parent.

All I know is that I would give my toe to have her fuzzy, tiny, beautiful little self back in my arms.

What do you do when you just don't know?

arosettamason48

Registered:
Posts: 32
 #2 
I am so sorry about your Maggie Mae. I will be thinking of her and praying for her safe return. It is so difficult around the holidays. I lost my best friend on Sunday evening in a tragic accident that I feel solely responsible for. I have been laying in the same spot since and I do not know how to cope when we spent every single second of the day together.. fell asleep together and woke up together..

The stories of people rolling an eye or becoming frustrated over the grieving of losing a pet just sickens me. The people who can't understand just do not have the compassion we do and I've told myself to just feel sorry for them that they don't have a heart like we do. Someone posted to me earlier "you aren't grieving, you are having a mental health issue similar to when someone loses their child, which happens after traumatic events like yours" ... no... I did lose my child. I don't care if I didn't give birth to him, he was my baby.

I found his tiny little body and by the time I picked him up, he was nearly gone, if not fully gone. I don't know how he died. There are so many scenarios that run through my head constantly of his final moments and the not knowing is drowning me. Though I do think if I knew, the obsessive thoughts of the images seared in my mind would consume me even more than they are now.

I watch a lot of crime shows (though I won't be anymore because death has never pained and rocked me so deep) and there are so many times when a loved one goes missing and the family is in excruciating pain not knowing if they are okay, where they are, or what happened. And I know your grief is the exact same.

Please do not feel bad about your grief no matter what anyone says. I took a leave of absence from work because I physically cannot stop crying and I am in no mental or even physical shape to have to deal with nasty, rude, and inconsiderate customers right now. I know what you mean about people losing their parents.. one of my friends lost her dad about 6 months ago and now her mom has cancer, but I don't feel guilty for grieving more than she did over her father. This loss has been profound and I have never known anything like it. Our pets are so different from humans in that our pets can never hurt us. They are there for us. They rely on us. They love us unconditionally and they are so kind and innocent, deserving no harm.

I cannot advise you on anything unfortunately because I am torn apart and am barely hanging on, but I will be thinking of your sweet baby.
carolee

Registered:
Posts: 389
 #3 
How hard it would be not to know.  I don't even know the right words and I know that if it were me I would feel the same way.
I would like to think that someone found her and is keeping her safe and sound for you and that she will come home.

I just had my cat put down a few days ago and am mourning her.  I have empathy for anyone who is going through a loss of a pet.  
Just hang in and have faith. Know that there are many of us who would never tire of hearing your concern over your Maggie Mae; I would be the same way.

Know that you are not stupid and selfish about crying about your cat.  Our sweet pets are our family and the bond is pure and true.   I love each one of my cats and they love me.

I understand how you feel; you just want to know and maybe just putting Maggie Mae in God's hands may help you.  I do that when I just don't know what to do and I have no control.  
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