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Berry_2004

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Posts: 1
 #1 
Hello everyone, so a lot has happened this week.
Last Friday night, I lost my cat to a car. I’m utterly devastated and have been crying all week with no signs of stopping. She was my best friend, and has been with me through a particularly difficult part of my life. Now I have to carry on without her, and I am really struggling.
I know people say to keep your cat inside, and I wanted to, especially after losing another cat to a car years ago, but that just wasn’t her. She was so depressed inside the house and I eventually caved. I just wanted to give her the best life I could but I feel so guilty I can’t put it into words. Her face is still etched into my mind and I keep replaying the last day with her in my mind. If I had known that would be the last time I would see her, I would have done so much more. I wouldn’t have shouted at her that day, I would have sat with her, hugged her, and told her I loved her. But now I’ll never be able to.
This week has just been sobbing, screaming, kicking and throwing things and I’m exhausted. It still doesn’t feel real and I’m still subconsciously waiting for her to walk through the door and come snuggle with me.
I’ve never felt this kind of grief before. It feels like a gaping hole in my chest and constant nausea. She didn’t deserve to go out like that. I love her so much and I don’t know how I’m going to move on from this.
Cookielove

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Posts: 4
 #2 
Berry I cried when I read your post all my screen is in tears. I feel identical right now. My post is a bit down the message board, called “how do I go on”. Only difference is that your cat was lost to a car and mine went on her regular promenade and didn’t come back. We live next to a small forest and I never let her out at night, mornings only... I think the worst that another animal prob attacked her and she died a horrible death. I don’t have any closure, I’d like to think someone took her and loves her now but inside me I have this negative vibe that she’s dead and only thing I hope now is that she didn’t suffer too much. I can’t sleep, I puke every couple of hours, can’t eat... I scream and cry then puke then cry and scream. I can’t see an end. I’d never be the same. I look outside in stupor for hours. I don’t know how to help you or what to say. My cat was super depressed inside and I only let her out once per day just so she could satisfy her hunting instincts... my heart bled when she looked at me with her green eyes full of desire to just go out for some time... I could tell she is NOT happy to be an indoor cat only.... I have a tremendous guilt too. If you’d like we can chat by FB or any other means. You can add me on FB as a friend, I go by Vivi Stache.
RangersMama

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Posts: 1
 #3 
I’ve been in a guilt spiral since the sudden loss of my dog, Ranger, on Monday. My partner and I are lost, I’ve never seen him cry to the point of being sick. I had my dog during his last moments and I keep replaying the “I should have done this, should not have done that” and screaming that i killed him and I’m so sorry and it’s not helping. We picked up our Rangers ashes last night and having him home did help me get a little sleep since I haven’t slept much since Monday. Know that you’re not alone in your feelings. Take each day a little at a time. I’m going to see a psychic medium later this month and I also found a local pet loss support group that I will be attending, it’s put me a little more at easy getting these things set up.
Keeks

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Posts: 4
 #4 
My kitty Finley was hit by a car today. He was exactly as you describe your kitty, Berry_2004 -- he would have been miserable inside, so I let him out just once a day and called him to come back in after not too long so he could feel a little fulfilled -- he was a stray and never lost that stray wanderer inside him. If it helps you any, consider that your cat's time outside improved her life immensely -- you knew what would make her feel more fulfilled and happy, and that's what you gave her. Would we want our kitties-with-outdoor-hearts to be trapped within four walls, bored and miserable for their whole lives? Is that worth having a longer life? For some cats, the answer is No -- I am anguished about my cat's passing but I don't think I had a choice but to let him out, if I wanted him to be happy. You gave her the best life and she knew you love her so much. 
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