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Posts: 1
A little over 2 years ago, I had reached a point in my late teens where I made the choice to surrender my 3 cats.
At the age of 18, I was working full-time and had my own apartment- decided to adopt cats.
My first fur baby was/is Roo(short for Roosevelt), months later seeing a friend was fostering kittens, I decided to adopt one.
A little werewolf kitty(Eleanor), who I loved dearly and she was completely attached to me- not wanting the mother of the kitten going to the pound, I also took in the kitten's mother(Mama).
One eventful night, I let Mama out on the porch- she ran away for 3 weeks and came back pregnant.

Making key decisions with my life at such a young age, I decided to move to Las Vegas with 6 cats, hoping it'd better my fincial situation.
Fostering the kittens, I was fortunate enough to find 2 of them homes- things were getting more financially unstable for me and it came to the point where I couldn't handle the vet bills or afford to feed 4 cats, let alone feed myself.
Moving to Colorado to avoid homelessness, I surrendered Eleanor, Mama, one of the kittens, and kept Roosevelt.
That was almost 3 years ago, I'm in better financial situation and have 3 fur babies including Roosevelt.

Till this day I still feel guilty- I've never stopped caring about their wellbeing.
There are days, I feel i'll be in eternal atonement for what feels like the harshest decision in my life-I remember that day and still don't know what got me through it, it breaks my heart knowing I broke Eleanor's heart and hope dearly they all found forever homes.
Looking at my pets now I'm greatful to be able to give them such a great life, but then feel unworthy based on my previous decisions to surrender my cats.

Posts: 640
Making decisions we later great is part of life. For everyone.

It sounds like the decisions you made are decisions you wish you hadn't.

Part of maturing is accepting the fact that we are infallible and we make mistakes. Sometimes mistakes for which other suffer. And sometimes not.

Understanding why you did what you did and  having some self compassion will ease but probably not erase the pain. It's normal to have regrets.

Going forward know that when making big decisions carefully consider the consequences for all involved and ask yourself
if you will be able to live with what could be the worst of the consequences.

You sound like someone who wanted to do the right thing and wanted the best outcome. I didn't read that you had any support. That
you were doing all of this on your own. I have been in that situation at a young age and you don't have the life experience to know how to weight and balance things.  From what I read, for a young person you handled this wonderfully and should endorse yourself for caring for the cats and kittens when you could barely take care of yourself. Not everyone would do that. Some people move and leave pets behind in the apartment they are living in and drive away. Some put them outside and drive off. You didn't do any of those things.
You did much better than many people. You were group had your pets in mind all the while. You were not just thinking about yourself. 

Life is hard. Having to make major decisions comes early on. You are seeing that. If you have problems with handling your pets in the future, you can post here.

Take care. You are worth it.
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