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bugsdogs

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Posts: 1,288
 #1 

It has been over a year since I lost Chancey and Digby and the pain of this loss is not lessening at all. It just seems to get worse.

 

When we lost our other dogs, we always had another one at home to give love to and care about, to mourn with…. With Chancey and Digby both being ready to leave us at the same time and then actually taking them in and letting them go together was so much harder than we could ever imagine. It was like our hearts were ripped out and tossed away. Our lives, our family were gone in a second and just like that we were alone. We have never been alone before; we have been on our own with our dogs; but never alone.

 

When you have been blessed with something so dear to love for 18 years and then have it taken away in a blink of an eye, it does something to you physically, mentally, and emotionally. It isn’t as simple as just moving on and finding another to love. It isn’t as simple as saying they are in a better place where they are well, young and waiting for us. It changes you in a very profound way. They are simply gone from your life and you can never have them with you again.

 

They were always our touchstones and our anchors. I know that is a lot to put on such little shoulders but they always handled what ever we asked or needed of them. I still need them; they were supposed to be here to help me with what I will be going through. I knew I could handle anything as long as they were with us.

 

Now even going to bed is difficult, I cannot find any comfort there like I used to, I don’t even dream well anymore. There is no place or time when I find solace from their loss.

 

Losing the two of them at once was harder on us than we ever imagined.  We had to send them together, as they were both ready to go, but also they couldn’t have survived without one another. It would have been easier for us to have kept one but that would have been for us and that wouldn’t have been right. I think that losing both at once was more than we could handle, we may never recover from this one. They were simply everything to us. The days just go on and I move through them, that is all I can do.

 

 

To my sweet Chancey and Digby, you were and always will be our special, and I do mean special loves. You made our lives full and so very happy. Thank you for all of the love you gave us, it was the best ever.

 

              

Becky57

Registered:
Posts: 657
 #2 
They are very beautiful.  You have confirmed for me what I know in my heart is true. I will never recover from the death of my dog five weeks ago.  In additon to overwhelming grief, I will always have the guilt of doing everything wrong in a crisis, not noticing obvious signs of bleeding,not noticing obvious signs of pain, etc 

18 years is a very long time.  It sounded as if you had a wonderful life with them.  My dog was always there for me, also.  Losing her was incomprehensible. 

Again I am sorry.  To think you had to deal with the loss of both--I am just so sorry.
basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #3 
How hard for you to have lost both of your babies at once.  Because you loved them so much, you did that for them.  How wonderful for them to have gone together, but how much hurt did you take on by making that sacrifice.

I know how you feel, I really do.  When I lost my wee Basil before Christmas last year, he was my last baby.  The house was so empty.  I had always had another baby left before.  I got another guy 3 weeks after I just couldnt stand the loneliness, something I had never felt before.  I was not seeking to replace my boy, I just needed to love again and be loved.

I am so sorry, Much Love, Di xxx
mssavion

Registered:
Posts: 613
 #4 
Dear Helen, my heart goes out to you as always, reading about sending
your precious loves to the Bridge on the same day.  Even though you knew this to be the right thing to do, the pain nevertheless was overwhelming, and continues to be for you and your spouse.   Sometimes I just don't understand why humans have to suffer like this, we protect our fur babies from suffering, that is our job, but there is no one to protect us from having our hearts and lives broken into little pieces, never to be completely repaired.  I hope that you get some measure of solace knowing that everyone here cares deeply for you, and feels your pain and sadness most intimately.   Without ever meeting Chancey and Digby, you have brought them back to life for hundreds of people across the globe.   They are adored by all of us, as I know you feel likewise about our fur children.   Bless you Helen, I wish there was something more to say that would bring you comfort while you await being reunited one day with your babies.    Hugs from Houston, MsSavion
Georgeann

Registered:
Posts: 2,245
 #5 
Dearest Helen:
Every time I see that picture of Chancey and Digby the tears begin to fall.  It is obvious from the picture how content and Loved they are.  Life does go on but the pain does as well.  I cannot even imagine what it was like for you having to loose both your babies at once.  How does anyone ever heal from that loss?  I wish I had the answer.  My guess is you never will.  I wish there was something I could say or do to help but as you know there is nothing that works.  We will miss our babies Forever.  I am Always here and you are Always in my Prayers and Thoughts.

Love and Big Hugs
Georgeann and Christopher
Forever
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #6 
Dear Helen,

I am sitting here trying to figure out why that photo of Chancey and Digby never makes me cry.  God knows, I have cried over photos on this board.  But, there is just something so different about this one.  They seem so content, so bonded to each other, and so loved, sitting there in the sun.  Every single time I see this photo it just warms my heart.  Every single time.

My friend, I know your pain is still so intense.  I think losing them both at the same time created a wound that just refuses to form any type of scar.   The wound refuses to heal.   That unfortunately is the nature of some wounds.  But, you are doing exactly what you should be doing.   You are coming here for support and you are reaching out to others offering support.   You are amazing.

Thinking of you and sending hugs,
Melissa
Betsy's forever mom
CindyH

Registered:
Posts: 577
 #7 
I am so sorry for your losses.   It was a year for me this past December.   Just tonight and many other days and nights I have said how I will never get over this and how I miss her so deeply.   Your post truly hit home for me.   Your words speak for the feeling that I have.   Sometimes I have wondered what is wrong that I cannot get over this saddness of missing her and then I read a post on here and know I am not alone.  I wish you so much peace in all this.

Many hugs...
Cindy
Merry's mom
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #8 

They look so close--bonded together. I haven't seen many pictures like this before. They must have always had a very deep connection with each other. Sorry for your loss. It's hard to put words to when you feel this way.

arthursmom

Registered:
Posts: 230
 #9 

helen,   you are always in my thoughts and prayers. i am so very sorry your heart is  in such pain. the pain never goes away.  i know that well.  it is a horriable ache in your soul that is never free from hurt.  but your love is so strong for them and i know they ae watching over you and don.  i am always here for you and everyone here at petloss knows how strong your love is for them,   all  my love,   amy

Nuggetsmum

Registered:
Posts: 251
 #10 
Oh Bugsdogs,

I am crying so much reading your words, they are exactly how I feel. It was the double the pain for you though, losing your two sweet babies. They look like best friends in the photo. Thankyou so much for sharing with us.

I really know how you feel. Although it is 4 months tomorrow that my Nugget went to the Bridge, not a year like yourself, like you, the pain HAS not subsided. I don't think I could ever go through this again. The love of my life has gone, my heart is broken.

Please share with us. YOu are not alone. Our furbabies are so special, they really got to us didn't they.

A big cuddle to you,

Nuggetsmum Alana
Andee

Registered:
Posts: 131
 #11 
Bugsdogs,

I am so sorry for your tremendous loss. Your babies are so beautiful, it's easy to see why you hurt so much. You had so much love for them and they
loved you just as much back. Now you still love them but they're not
here to love you back and it hurts so much. I am sure, atleast in my
case, that hurt will last as long as I'm here without my Pookie. Like
you, I felt I could get thru anything as long as I had Pook. He was
my everything & just looking at his pretty face made me so happy.
Now, I feel like my world has ended and there is no reason for me
to be here anymore. Nothing brings me happiness anymore, there
is nothing I want from life now & I just dread each day. I know I
loved him too much & that's why I hurt so much. Some pets are
very independant and there is no real close bond with them, and
the hurt of their passing lessens with time. But then by some miracle
we are blessed with a true soul mate, you can feel the difference,
you know you are one with this baby, you know you depend on each
other & if it was just the two of you in the whole world that would
be just fine. The love is so intense, but unfortunately the loss is,
too.  And now without them, we are so alone in the world. Life
goes on, but without us, because we died with them. It's so
very painful.

~~Andee
dogrispamela

Registered:
Posts: 558
 #12 
Dearest Helen,
I thought I posted a response last night.  Your post makes me cry.  I know your heart just aches so much for your Chancey and Digby.  I know how hard you have fought this long and painful year over this great loss.  Nearing the 1 year and then at over a year, I think that there is something that just makes the reality of facing a future without them intolerable.  It just highlights what we don't want to be true.  The great finality of facing a world without their golden lights.  Yes, we are one day closer to being reunited with them.  But that does little to console our hearts and souls right now!! I'm so sorry.  I know this has been such a excruciating journey.  Huge hugs, Golda's mom
Becky57

Registered:
Posts: 657
 #13 

Andee, Your reply--that is exactly how I feel.  How on earth do we go on?  This post caught my attention because as I said in my reply, I knew in my heart this was so .  I am 58 and this is without a doubt the worst thing that ever happened in my life.  Anyway, you and Bugsdogs prettymuch said it all--there is no consolation

bugsdogs

Registered:
Posts: 1,288
 #14 
I want to thank all of you for caring about Chancey and Digby, my special loves.

Becky57;
There are some of us that will never recover from the loss of our special loves. It has been very difficult to deal with this loss.
I kow you are dealing with feelings of guilt, that is very normal no matter what the circumstances were. I don't know how to tell you to let the guilt go but there was so much more to your relationship with Libbie, that is what you should focus on. Please be kind to yourself...
Thank you for your kind words and for caring...

Basil - Di;
Oh, boy is the house empty without their precious souls being here. We have another dog now in the house, she helps my husband but I dont' think there is much that will take away my ache for them. Your loss is still so new, I am so sorry for that.

Jan;
There really is nothing to protect us from this hurt and suffering. I gladly took it on so they didn't have to suffer and have to go alone. It is just that it hurts so much without them. It helps to share our loved ones pictures - it is like we know each and every one. I will tell Don about a post and he will say it that the one with "......" and know the pet I am talking about. There is comfort knowing that others know our loved ones.

Georgeann;
I know you understand what this pain is like. We have often wondered how we are ever supposed to heal from something as profound and this loss. I always thought I was a strong person, but not anymore. I guess they gave me my strength. Thank you for always being there for me, it means so much.

Melissa;
It's funny, but that picture never makes me sad either. Of course I remember where we were, what we were doing and waht they were thinking. Digby always loved to pose and Chancey could take it or leave it. Notice how her ears are at attention though, she knew exactly what was going on!! That is our favorite picture of them but we have so many that show their closeness.

Cindy;
I have finally come to accept that I will not get over this loss. That is fine, I can live with the ache, I just find it hard to live without them. I am sorry that you are still in this same situation but at least we have this site to come to for comfort. Take care and thank you for your kind words.

Nancee;
They were always this close. Digby would lay on Chancey's back or squeeze in beside her so they could be together. I guess I should be thankful, if that is the work, that they were ready to go together. It would have been heartbreaking to have one go and one still be here. That would have been too sad.

Amy;
I want to thank  you for always being here for me. I know how much you still ache for Arthur. I wonder how we would all be handling our losses without having Petloss and all of these great people so willing to help. I have met some of the best people since I have been here.

Alana;
The number of months or years really have no significance to our feelings of loss. It is there with us daily and if it never subsides I guess that is the way we must live. They were more than worth it for me, I would gladly go through this again if I could have them back again to do it all over again.

Andee;
This loss will last the rest of my life just like yours for Pookie. It is amazing and truly beautiful how easily they give us strength and support. I know exactly how you feel. We are so alone without them, and I feel that life goes on without me because I am not really here!! Does that make sense?

bugsdogs

Registered:
Posts: 1,288
 #15 
Pam;
Yes facing the rest of my time here without them is going to be hard and so very lonely. You are right that there is very little consolation, it is simple, they are gone and we miss them. There really is not much else that can be said. I know how much you miss your Golda and that the ache is still there for him. We have to remember how lucky we were to have had such wonderful loves in our lives, they gave us so much.

Becky;
I think maybe it is our age that makes this loss so hard to deal with. I am also 58 and never have I had anything like this happen before. As we get older these things are harder to accept, at least that is the way it seems to me.
Becky57

Registered:
Posts: 657
 #16 

Bugsdogs, Without a doubt the age is a huge factor, I believe.  In the past five or six years, just about everything effected me especially if it dealt with animal suffering.  I hated to drive by the hog confinement houses on my way to work. Emotions are just intensified so very much, I think. I would cry sometimes when they trimmed my baby's nails because she was so scared.  I hate this, I hate this, as we all do. I hate that the best thing on this earth--animals--have such very small lifespans.  Here I was always mentally thinking my baby has at least 7 more years and then maybe more because her dad is 17.  I set myself up--I wasn't vigilant--I let down my guard. How I wanted her to outlive me more than anything on this earth.  She loved my brother so and they would have been wonderful to her--they adored her.  I should never have planned on anything--again I am so sorry for your double loss. 

aurichwolf

Registered:
Posts: 555
 #17 
Dear Helen,
 
I know oh so well how it feels to be blessed by a very special one and have to let him run free.
It cuts so deeply into your very soul that you think you will never heal.
We do eventually begin to heal but the scar will remain on our heart and soul forever.
It doesn't happen in an instant but gradually.
Sometimes so slowly that we can't even notice any progress.
We move through life because we have no other choice.
One moment at a time then one hour at a time and later one day at a time.
The sad end is to hard to remember forever so we try to think of the good memories but they too make the tears fall.
One day though those wonderful memories will be what comfort us the most.
Eventually when we realize how very blessed we were to be chosen to have that special one in our lives we can begin to reflect on the blessings more then the parting.
 
Knowing we will see them again is one more thing we have to be grateful for.
 
Each of us is very different and in my case i had no choice but to train with a new guide dog as soon as possible.
It was only three weeks after I lost Aurich that I went to train with Ollie.
It was to soon but he did make me focus on something else and for that I love him.
He is so very different from Aurich and I think it's the difference that made it easier to bond with him.
Both goldens but opposite of each other in almost every way.
 
Only you will know if and when it's time to think about bringing a new love into your life.
Never one to take the place of those you sent ahead but one to share  with all that your loves taught you about love and life.
Sometimes when we least expect it our babies will find just the right one and send it our way.
As with Ollie there was no doubt in my mind or heart that Aurich had picked and sent him as I was originally told i would have at least a six month wait and then got a call the day I picked up Aurich's ashes letting me know one had graduated the day Aurich went to the bridge and I could come the following week for training.
Even though he needed a lot of focusing and reinforcement training I knew he was the one and I'm so glad I took on the challenge and decided to accept him.
One day the right one will come into your life.
When it happens you will know deep in your heart.
 
Love and Peace,
AurichWolf
Kathy

 ONE TO HELP YOU HEAL

 

When one leaves our side and goes on ahead to wait we think our heart will never heal.

Then one day one comes along and brings us so much joy we thought we would never feel.

They bring us all the peace of heart sent from one far above.

The one who left us here behind knew we needed someone special to love.

 

So with all the love they had inside they picked just the one they knew

Would help us heal and make us smile and see us safely through.

When that one comes into your life enjoy each and every beautiful day.

For the one who sent that special one is watching you from far away.

 

Because of all the love we gave and the special times we share.

They knew we would love this special one who needed us to care

Happy now at last they know we have someone to love and care,

They can now rest and wait for us till its our time to join them there.


© Kathy Hayes  aka Katie~2005~2008~

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