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DanC

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Posts: 3
 #1 
On Dec 22nd, 2018 I lost my cat, Nudge, who I had such a special bond with that I never experienced before with other pets that I loved dearly.  He had congestive heart failure and thankfully as he loved constant human contact with my wife and I, he came to us with laboured breathing, instead of hiding.  We rushed him to an emergency vet hospital and before the final extremely painful blood clot could occur we euthanized him and stayed with him right to the end.  He lived a full life of love and just short of 14 years of age and 13 years with us.  After his passing, I was filled with grieve and anger.  I experienced the could've, would've and should've.  I should have seen this even through the vet from a week before did not catch the silent killer, hence the name.

Now it was time to give as much attention to his grieving brother, Tas.  However, 4 months later, we had to euthanize Tas on May 2nd.   Tas appeared in in great health when we lost Nudge, but he started to develop an unforeseen issue and just as he seemed to turn the corner, he was hit with another health issue.  He even endured an expensive and major surgery, which was successful, but as he turned the corner recovering from the surgery, he was hit again and finally  would not eat or drink anymore even through he was hungry and vitals were great.  We had no choice, but to euthanize him.  From his appearance and behaviour 4 month earlier we felt with total confidence he would be with us for a couple more years with a great quality of life.

Now I have would've, could've, should've with Tas.  We are both heart broken with the loss of Tas and his brother.  All the posts I read, just revealed I have to stop being so hard on myself as everyone here as done the best they could at the time and only in hindsight would thing appears differently.  When you are dealing with a ill beloved pet, your focus is solely on day to day as there is still hope and we see improvement. It only when you have time to step back and out of the emotionally overloaded environment do things look different.  I now know, that I would never have an old cat endure major surgery as it is too hard on their old bodies and only another disease will strike them.

Please don't be hard on yourself as all the pet lovers in this forum did the best for our beloved fur babies.  With a human there is better communication with the patient, caregivers and doctors, therefore, most health issues are out of our control, but with pets, we have to make all the decisions with no true communication with a patient who are master at hiding what is ailing them.  Therefore, it always appears we made the decision either too late or too early, even with natural death.  This emotion is just because we loved them so much and we are hurting.  Thankfully, our beloved pets never thought about the past or the future.  Their focus was on the present and as long as they receive loving they were happy and manage their health issue(s) better than us watching and caring for them.

I'm slowly focusing on the fact that we adopted two 9 months old brothers from a rescue organization as they were abandoned and gave them a great 13 years together as brothers and with us.  Compared to Nudge, Tas, unfortunately, endure a lot over the 4 months but thankfully he expressed affection with us to the end as he was just focused on the present and loved us regardless of what occurred over the last 4 months.  It is us silly humans that focused too much on the past and what we could have done different.  We have this false believe that we are suppose to ensure our beloved fur babies live a great life and die without enduring pain.  I'm trying to be in peace now knowing Tas is reunited with his brother and healthy on the rainbow bridge.  Tas handled his health issues better than I ever did.  I just miss the two of them dearly.  I need to learn from Tas and focus on the present to help with the pain of grieving.
ladylazarus

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Posts: 5
 #2 
I am sorry for your loss- your kitties sound so well loved. You could not have seen any of this coming, and you sound very compassionate. I'm sure your pets appreciated that.
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